Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Nah anytime for you darl just I'm same not cranky or bad mood just not much company, sometimes often actually its up there but I cant get it across explaining things

Going to bed soon but I'll check here and yours before I go

[startingnew]

Pain exacerbates mh issues DB.you poor thing. Hugs. Cry away as much as you need to.

I hope youll be able to rest more tonight and get a peaceful sleep and wake with a clearer mind or feel just abit better.

Sitting with you xoxo

[demonblaster]

Thank you very much all of you Pam I'll keep that in mind nice if you ☺

Mandy you're a sweet too thank you yeah going bed in tic

Yeah Starts it can, I've heard that. Said to GP cause pain spesh said same and Doc said this is a strong physical pain. Nerve stuff. Plaghhh

Nigh nite I'll be ok sometime soonish getting there all ways slowly

🤗💗⚘🐤

[Ggrand]

Good Night and Good Morning Deebi 🦄,

Tonight I'm back at yours, if that's okay.. I'm sorry 😢I wasn't much company Thursday night...I hope your in bed and asleep.. it's late now...⏰

I’m bringing you my guardian angel 👼 to keep watch over you and sprinkle you with magical Angel 😇 dust.....Please let your soul, mind, body, eyes 👁👁 get some rest tonight honey as the moon 🌝 shines it's healing moon beams ⚡️⚡️down on you from the night sky.🌌 When you sleep tonight, I'm hoping that the stars ✨✨will shine brighter for you tomorrow 🌞and every tomorrow 🌞that comes.

Im just letting you know that I'll be here tonight and if you 😭 cry, I'll dry your tears, If you turn around I'll hold your arm, I'm just sitting here for now..When your asleep 😴💤 I will quietly go to the spare bed and sleep..I have my alarm clock ⏰, I'll get up and cook 👨‍🍳 you some bacon 🥓 and eggs 🍳..with an orange 🍊 juice, to get your day started, to which I hope will be a day with some light and happies..

Deebi, Thank you very much for believing in me and saying the things you do to me..You help me a lot..❤️ I'm grateful for you..

I'm back watching 👀 You and holding your hand 🤝 tightly only one hand tonight honey and always listening 👂 to you...

Love you deeply Deebi.

❤️🤗 (Love and Care). Always.

👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy 👼.

[demonblaster]

Grandy thank you staying how lovely you looking after me like that. What about you,how you doing? All of you

Damn it I dont wanna be complaining and down most of the time its not how I am just how it is atm and too long.

Woke at 5 am ish in lot of pain still no picnic must have slept weird.

Crying thinking about someone that replies to everyone use to me too and hasnt my last two posts ya dont know if you've said something wrong. Don't know wether to stay with them or move on. Been supporting them..I thought. Feeling ignored and inadequate which I do a lot anyway. Couldnt get words out last night they rarely flow easily Cant stop crying is this the pain or me atm maybe both. Over this bs

Trying not to take meds but have and might

Its like my heads stopped frig all thought process just empty nothing much going on. Not depressed not happy crying easily often

Patches of grieving hitting too. Doing it alone and triggers with this trip away later to party bringing on lot of ghosts. Feel a bit compelled to go havent done family thing for while or seen these guys ages either.

You're never not good company Grandy I just bought you with us just you were quiet and thats ok

Thanks sweet 😢 when we hug we can draw the sads out of eachother xx

[Guest8901]

Hi Deebs. Sorry you are feeling so low. And rejected too. Not nice. Explanation I feel sure. Do what feels right for you. Sending a hug.

Amanda. 💖

[PamelaR]

🤗🤗🐾🦄🐞

feeling for you Deebi. Sending love ❤️ and virtual hugs. Holding your hand 🤚. Sitting with you. Brought a coffee ☕️ to go with 🥓 n 🍳 that grandy made. Let the 😢 flow.....

pamelaR

[Ggrand]

Hello my Sweet Deebi,

Im really sorry about your arm, and you feeling upset.

I can relate to your feeling of being ignored or rejected easily, the same happened to me,..it hurt at first, yeah it still hurts but I'm trying to say to myself that they are busy elsewhere helping others who need it more..My last 2 posts to 2 of them have sat unanswered for over a month..I felt so rejected and pushed aside for weeks, but you know what Deebi, I have you, and others here to help me.

Please trust me, believe me, you have stopped me twice, that's Gold honey, your gold. There is no way , that you could ever say the wrong thing. People have different ways of dealing with their mh, I don't know who your talking about, but please Deebi don't feel rejected, maybe there not sure how to reply to you, or maybe they are healing, or just forgot.

Its up to you honey, maybe make one more post to him/her or read through the last few posts see what's happening to him/her. Please don't let this bring you down,You have so many here that Like/love you, people have different personalities, some people connect more to others.

Deebi, honey.You are never inadequate with your words, you help me tremendously and others, I wish you could see that. Its definitely nothing you said, you only have kindness, beauty, compassion in your heart and they come out in your words, please believe me.

Ive heard you say a lot that you can't put your thoughts to word, I don't know about that Deebi , you've always posted thoughtful posts, from the heart, it's not the words so much at times, it's just being there, for someone, that's important and your always there for people who are reaching out,,Love that so much about you..xxx

The party, honey, talk later, on that one...please.

Deebi, please don't think on your thoughts, let them float by, don't pick up the emotion they make you feel. You are a good, kind , caring, beautiful compassionate, lady, so the beasty is telling you differently, don't listen to [IT]. Please listen to me/us..

L&C ❤️🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy 👼

[Guest8901]

Morning Deebs,

I'm sorry my response this morning at 5am or thereabouts was brief. I was on my phone at the time which I find frustratingly slow to type any responses. Although the ability to use all the pics is nice. So it was necessarily brief. I wanted you to know that someone had heard you. But I will try to respond in a little more detail now.

Firstly I'm really sorry to hear that you are feeling snubbed or ignored by someone you regularly post to. I had a horrible thought when I read your post that it may be me you were referring to. So I hurriedly checked my thread. No unresponded posts from you there. Phew.

Now obviously I dont know who you are referring to, and it really doesnt matter. But people do not respond for all sorts of reasons. Perhaps they needed to think some more about their response, if you have asked a thought provoking question. Perhaps your post was held up and they simply missed it when it did come through? I know that happens to me sometimes.

I know I have got myself into a state when I can see that everyone bar me got a response. But then sure enough a reply will come through, that particular one just got held up.

I really cannot imagine you saying anything wrong Deebs, so I'm sure its not that. Perhaps what Karen says, that some people connect and others dont, is the reason. I dont know. But please Deebs, dont let it get to you. You know, and we all know, what a fabulous job you do in supporting everyone despite the many difficulties you personally face.

I would do as Karen said, try one more time with a specific (simple) question and see what happens. If you still get nothing, then move on, let them go. From your post I gather they have significant other support anyway. Its possible they are overwhelmed with the amount of supporters they have and may even welcome a drop in numbers for them to feel obliged to respond to.

Its hard feeling ignored and inadequate, our self esteem takes a big hit. For many of us, its already low and a fragile thing. I will never ignore you Deebs, and I will always appreciate your beautiful support and your sound advice, whenever you choose to provide it.

Rest up and hopefully you'll feel less teary and upset today. I have some frangipani flowers left over from my visit to Karen. Scattering some around your home as I leave. They smell sweet and very fragrent. And the flowers are so beautiful, perfect, just as you are. Giving you a hug.

Amanda

[demonblaster]

Thank you from heart you beautiful people, yeah its hurtful and disconcerting and has been on my mind but crying over it.. nah ..probs the arm. Went back bed with pill woke in pain again crying again. Ok tho

Was two posts it happened on and one post on another thread too and everyone else got a reply. It takes time and effort and just trying to help then that ..it is a bit crushing

Got on well with both of them. Yeah if I'm following someone I read all posts Grandy unless theres untold I've missed then check out a few

Thanks for being so caring supportive and kind all of you you really are lovely.

Pam if I don't see you before your camping how exciting for you 😀 enjoy your time wont you be very careful and you will be missed.

Mandy sweet of you coming back thankyou so much. Your time and care all of you is so aporeciated mean it.

Grandy very happy to hear you're lifting a bit. I'll stay at yours tonight if you like we can do a never ending hug xx

Goin walk lunch so see yaz later on

Thankyou so much 🤗😚 for everything all of you