Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hey there lovelies 🤗
Kitty 🦊 always lovely seeing you and thanks so much for fluffing up pillows & airing the place you’re very thoughtful & sweet. And for keeping in touch hun 😊

Grandy love hey 🤗  I really do apologise not replying earlier I would have had the dam email or notifications worked geez I still feel very sorry for bb having this major grief & being so dedicated to helping people but honestly thought it’d be sorted by now, wow and that too must be very hard on them. I still need to report wow how many things not working. 

I loved your beautiful posts girls. Grandy so gorjy Destiny and Eternity running with the furs 😆 and amidst those dried flowers the delightful little gifts oh Grandz they’re so beautiful thank you. Loved all of it. 
As per I started a reply today but it’s a gonna pfft. 

The reasons I’m having a big needed break from here I’ve mentioned at times is because of the probs here. Too much empathy it pulls me hard feeling peoples pain. Pos could be saying wrong and trying to fix. Self doubt at times. Enormous time for single posts at times. 

Mostly I’m ok thanks lovelies including Croix man, hope you’re ok, I misread not realising you were off sick. Cya soon at yours.
I’m in another mh episode. Mild but phooey the mood was woah today. I managed to bite my tongue with besty a few times. Wasn’t so much her just tolerance out the window. Got a couple hrs sleep felt much better. Had a med be off soon, not sleeping & yay found some.

Mri hun same as yours Grandy bulging disc that pushes on a nerve. I knew that happened. Degeneration of neck and back which I knew too. Surprised it’s still bulging. 

Bestys been living with us for a bit now. It’s good but we need a bigger place. She’s homeless atm.
Im learning to adjust to something, not bad more a space thing. She’s a beautiful person very considerate etc. I spoke to her early in the piece which was a hard convo but needed. Harder in mh to tolerate. Very similar to myself but I’m to a lesser degree. Love each other dearly. We communicate well.

We had a lovely time away. They as always were the perfect hosts and made the dear darling mr Deebi 😍 very welcome. He had a lovely trip. Thanks for asking sweeties.

Either fractured or severe sprain to my toe. It’s ok but not walking that I want/need. Still swollen 2wks 

Love you Grandz so deeply 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜👀 See you other loves soon ❤️

[mmMekitty]

Hi DB. 

I have a Festive Penguin for you. I hope you like it & enjoy using it whenever you need. It's a lovely, strong Festive Penguin, which has a rainbow-coloured face, a welcoming smile for you, & twinkly eyes. It has feathers which ruffle at the first sign of trouble, whereupon it brandishes & aims a large candy cane to take care of demon-blasting- & what a blasting it delivers! Afterwards, don't be too surprised to find small chocolate treats appearing whenever your Festive Penguin twirls, dancing with it's candy cane, just like Fred Astair. 

I get what you are saying about feeling the pain of others, too much empathy, & it's difficult to know how to respond, feeling the doubt, taking so long to write a single post ... I had to admit it's been too much for me, so I'm not as active on BB now. I need to not get so involved that it puts a strain on my own mental health - but knowing & understanding that doesn't stop me feeling guilty about not talking to many more people here than I do. I really can only do what I can, as & when, & like you, do my best to not say anythng way off the mark. A bad misunderstanding can be devestating to some members. I'd hate for people to go away from BB feeling worse than when they came. At the least, I like to let people know they are heard.

Kindness to yourself, DB, & Betsy, too.

Big Hugzies,

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Dear Kitty 🦊 bbff 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 And readers hilarious 😊

haha just loven the gorjy penguin it bought such a smile and don’t my lively friends know so well my love for choccy oopsy but oh SO good … this is me when I don’t have some for I dunno 3 minutes  🤪….then when I’ve had some 🥰

Thanks I’m glad you get that. I’m finding it easier for now anyway not to be going through so much extra emotion and insecurity etc. 

Soz Kits while I think of it Grandy I adored the choccy kookaburra kangaroo and A Koala was it. Oh Shucks you guys youse are so good to me. 

Oh going to try to contact a dear friend soon, Love them very much then hopefully we can go and visit them in the new yr.

Havent got much news but working a lot on my head when the Southerlies 😥 try to storm me and going ok for now. We’ll see in about a wk or so. 

We have a couple of Xmas outs coming up should be good will see some that I havent for a while. 

Missing not walking but in time that’ll happen again. 

Beautiful hearing from you Kitty love and such a gorgeous uplifting supportive post. 
I too understand where you’re at.

ok my beauties take good care won’t youse. 

Love dear friends and always endless appreciation. 

🦊👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤓 how cools that little fella and the little teeth are a crack up. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, mmMeKitty and everyone…..🤗..

I do hope your Christmas lunches went well and you got to see some of your lovely friend that you’ve not seen for a while😁…

Christmas is only 2 days always, geez time seems to be going quicker each year😂….Are you doing anything special for Christmas bbff?..If I had a giant ladder, I would climb it with lots of pretty Christmas Lights and decorate it….it would look really pretty..

I am making you a Christmas present honey, but still got my thinking cap on…fantasy gifts are beautiful and comes from our heart…I will deliver it here for you sometime Christmas Day….I have to clear all the cobwebs outta our 💼 first, I have my feather dusters, rags and some magic spray to help me…should only take about 7.77seconds….wish I had magic spray for my house…

How are you feeling precious bbff…I do so hope you’re doing okay….

Love you dearest bbff….heaps of care and hugs 💙🌷🦋🕊🤗🤗

You are my best friend; you belong in my heart.
We go through ups and downs, but still nothing can tear us apart.
I know you as a sister, and I will always care.
Love, respect, and trust are the things we share.

I know you as a person; I especially know you as a friend.
Our friendship is something that will never end.
Right now, this second, this minute, this day,
Our sisterhood is here, is here to stay.

My friendship with you is special and true.
When we are together, we stick like glue.
When I'm in the darkness that needs some light,
When you're by my side, I know things are all right.

Our friendship is so strong; it breaks down bars.
Our friendship is also bright, like the sun and the stars.
If we were in a competition for friendships, we would get a gold,
Because responsibility and cleverness are the keys we hold.

I met you as a stranger, took you as a friend.
I hope our long friendship will never end.
Our friendship is like a magnet; it pulls us together,
Because no matter where we are, our friendship will last forever.

By mizscorpio

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy…

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi🤗, and everyone…..🌲🤗🎅🏻..

Just popping in my dearest bbff…wanting so much to wish you and your beautiful Mr. Deebi a very Merry Christmas…

I do have a little present for you honey, but unfortunately one of 🎅🏻 Santa’s elves dropped by mine today and told me that they haven’t quite finished it yet…they need me to search around in our 💼 to find a few things that they don’t have, being Christmas and all they used up all their goodies…..before they finished your specially ordered one of a kind uniquely beautiful and peaceful gift 🎁…

I do so much hope that your day was a good day and some special memories were made, how very precious are beautiful happy memories, we can keep them tucked deeply into our soul and call upon them, in the days beasty [IT]xx invades our thoughts….

Always here for you my bbff, with 4eva love, care, and 🌲🤗…oh the Christmas tree is a very soft and fluffy one…💙🌟💫🌟🌲🎅🏻🐘💼..🌲🤗🎅🏻🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi, 

I hope you & Mr Deebi have had a lovely Christmas Day... 

Big hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Hi DB & family.

Merry Christmas to you! I hope it's been fun & happy, with quiet breaks so you don't get too worn out.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws, mmMeKitty and everyone…🤗..

Wishing you all a belated Happy New Year….

I will be back soon honey…just putting the finishing touches towards your New Years gift…gotta find a few more things I’m sure are hiding in our 💼….I did dust off the cobwebs and found that one of them was actually a spiderweb…with a very cute little spider living in it….I am a bit scared…no no no, I’m a lot scared of spiders, so I made Sally spider an enclosed area, (that she can’t get out off) in a little corner of our 💼…that I don’t go to very much… and if I did need to go there…I’ll just send our little robot 🤖 helper down to get it for me…

Gotta go bbff, I have a security screen door I need to try and find a way to keep it closed until I can get another door handle….hmmm I’m thinking some wire and a couple of hooks might work….enjoy your day bbff… stay cool honey,  if it’s a hot day, not sure if you live close to a beach pool…(I know your not fond of open sea water)….maybe a refreshing swim sometime today….

Much big love to you my sweetest bbff..with lots of New Year hugs..🤗🤗💙🧡💛..thinking of you…so much today💭🕯👭

my love and hugs to everyone..💕🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone…

I do hope so much that you’re doing okay honey, both physically and mentally…and your not letting beasty…..[IT] xx…within even 0.001 millionth of a centimetre near your thoughts…..if [IT’s] hanging around you…let me know and I’ll do all in my power to move it along…

I finally finished your Christmas/New Year present…took me a long time to assemble it, the way I wanted it to look…

A little insight into the making of this gift…..First I took a little piece of blue sky, then a couple of white fluffy clouds, some tiny mountains, 12 gum trees plus gummy gumtree, 2 dirts of each, sparrows, wag-tails, swallows, finches, king parrots and rosellas, a piece of land from across my road, some green fresh grass from my lawn, some water and rocks, which I made into a running stream and the sun….then after I magically shrunk them…I placed them all inside the Crystal ball, as close as I could to the scenery from my front veranda, then added some very sparkling moon and star dust….but before I sealed it I captured the light from the suns rays…so when you gently shake it, and look into it…the sun’s rays will shine into your soul,  the moon and star dust will give you an amazing feeling of peace and tranquility….If you look even closer, you just might see me sitting on top of a cloud waving to you😁..

I wrapped it up in gold leaf and left it next to your bed….Gee I hope you like it….

Thinking of you honey, with so much love and care…💙🦋…and sending you lots of very gentle elephant 🐘 hugs.

My love, care and hugs to everyone…💚🦋🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy…

[demonblaster]

Hi there dear Grandy ‌‌‌‌Pawsy‌‌‌‌ Kitty ‌‌‌‌Croixy‌‌ ‌& all ‌‌

Thank you for your beautiful warm & supportive posts.
Please know I do care very much for you all. Having a big needed break. 

Had a nice productive burst of mania the other day in recovery from the recent BP. Found myself doing so many jobbies but not the one I needed to be on lol but eventually got most of it done. Was finishing one I started in the mania at the beginning. Was funny but finally thank goods got it nearly finished. 

Had a couple of walks lately since kicking the still swollen toe, luckily not hurting. 

Lost about 4 kgs so far
Icky humid hot. 

Been talking to a very good counsellor for a while now and with a reminder completely forgot our last appt. Rescheduled. She's v.good. 

Again thanks so much for your time and care good people. Please be kind to yourselves, we got this and can learn how to handle. 

Take good care all 🙂 

Always love sweet Grandy ‌‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌