Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

😊 You're SO easy to love floss geez I'm SO glad we met Grandy 🤗

Sweetyheart I'll never ever leave you and yes I do hold onto hope that one day in rl we might meet up. Oh I'd be So happy. We have to hold onto hope eh hun. God I wish. 

No lovey no balcony but a little area in front paved behind a bush for privacy and noise barrier it's on a busy constant Rd. We have a lovely courtyard though. Can just imagine us all sitting out there having a cuppa with the furs Mr 😍 you and I. How amazing that'd be. 

I'm ok thanks darlin and for being so warm and caring always 🤗 dunno but been withdrawing lately from everyone and here but its hard trying to find posts here eh as you know.

It was long and hard the last mh maybe just having time out to fully recover. Not down just content very with this dear man.

Besty came the other day it was good but had originally knocked her back too but felt stink. 

Dunno lovey I don't feel I contribute in the right way here often. At times I'm happy with a post but think I'm wanting to "fix" but may be saying the wrong approach. Its just I want to help and know how it is being so low so try to guide them back up a bit. Other times self doubt is high and posts take SO long in downs. 

I've a horrid growth on my shoulder it'll leave a big hole Doc said and these can be hiding scc- squamous (spreads) cell carcinoma. Seeing him again tomoz want the yuk gone! 

Slowly getting back into exercise. 

Thanks Grandy I hope it goes ok the BV thingy. I still need to get a back up venue. Sigh. 

Always Grandy truth you're in my mind. We're always together just not in rl pfftt. Really love you dear friend. 

I'm sad for you with the work stuff. I really do get where you're coming from. Hold in there beautiful ☺

Be well sweetyheart 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩🍫💜👀🤝 always. Need you 😚 beautiful soul 😊

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi, wave to Mr Deebi,

Oh lass I'm sorry to hear of your yucky growth... yes you're right the best thing is just get it gone.

It's ok lass if you don't feel up to posting much... we can only do what we can... none of your friends here would want you to feel we expect you to post or reply... we all know how hard it can be at times to even make a short post... especially when our head doesn't want to co-operate & finding words is near impossible. 

Since the change I'm still trying to find some threads I used to follow & I'm completely bamboozled trying to find new peoples posts that haven't been replied to... 

Be gentle with yourself lass... you matter to many people 

Here are some big cuddly 🐻🐻 hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and everyone…

Deebi, I’m really sorry about the growth on your shoulder….I looked up what you said and can’t help feeling so very concerned about you….I know your not a religious person but I am praying hard for a very successful surgery and a 100% healing for you….I hope you don’t mind me doing that…

Deebi, honey….your posts are always from your heart and everyone I have read of yours (which I think would be most of them)  are very caring, warm, helpful, inspiring and honest…you really do an amazing job when you post….Please don’t let beasty tell you otherwise…Honestly Deebi….you are very valued here on these forums by so many people including me..

Sounds nice, the little courtyard…I would love to sit out their with you one night, you know just sit quietly in each other’s company…or chat about our fun times and memories we have made on the forums…

I am so sorry…if I pushed you a bit…I didn’t mean to…just feeling lonely and was reminiscing about our time here….when a wave of fear took over me and I felt a sudden overwhelming lonely/sadness of what if…not being able to talk to you anymore….

Thank you so much for understanding me on my thread…really means so much more then you will ever know…..Putting into words how it’s effecting me is so hard…

I hope your Drs visit today went good for you…only if you want to share and talk about it…Please remember that we are all here for you…Love you big time….bbff….💙yesterday, 💙today and all the tomorrow’s to come.,,💙💕🧸🤗❤️💫♥️…

Hugs and my care everyone.🦋💕🌹🤗..
👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🕊🌱🌿🌴..

[mmMekitty]

Hi DB,

I will try & catch up with everyone I think about on these Forums.

Sorry to read about the lump on your shoulder. I sure hope it can be treated/removed.

Please don't fret over answering. I have thought you do pretty good when replying to people. & as I've been told, a few words, to let people know they are heard & not alone mean so much.

I end up scrolling through some pages, in places where I remember finding Discussions before, like where I know I can find this one, down this road: 'BB Forums', then into 'Caring for Myself & Others' then 'Long-term Support Over the Journey' & finally, here you are! & Grandy's & Paw's & Hanna & others as well. Thinking of you all.

❤️🐧❤️❤️🐧❤️❤️🐧

(Well, I guess they want to visit, okay?)

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Hi dear Kits 😸👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐾 & other lovelies 🙋‍♀️

Thank you dear friends 🤗

Got an appt in late Sept to get the icky out of my shoulder. Ughh gross! 

Grandy and girls I do really appreciate what youse said very much. Thank you 😊 Sigh.

It’ll be so much easier when our devices accept the new system eh. We’ll be able to find our ways around easier. 

This last MH episode in mania all the hurry memories I was choofing along without pain. It was great. Didn’t have any more thought or emotion. I believe we can get to that point. Shame on the other side it didn’t apply but you’re in so deep on that side there’s little that feels good.

Not much news but just wanted you to know you’re very appreciated thank you 😊

Grandy you dear lovely thing you never push me hun truth. I’m glad you spoke of how you felt sweety. You always touch my heart dear dear sweet friend. 
love you very deeply 🌈👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🌷🦋 pweddy butterfly eh and how’s this 👁 wow wee eh.

Take care beautiful people you all matter. I’ll be at your threads soon lovely ones 🤗

Grandy that’s beautiful you preying🙏. No I don’t mind at all thank you darlin. I feel fine so hopefully it’s ok. Oh and so lovely you saying Mr 😍 and I both n your heart. Loved your fast hugs too 😂 soz forgot to mention 😘

cyaz 🌸

[mmMekitty]

Hi DB, when you go & get the icky out, you know what? You don't have to look! But if it was possible, & I could see better, I'd ask you to get a video to send me ... 😹 Maybe you can ask the Doc to record a real-time commentary, please? That could work, 'acuse you then get a transcript of the Doc'svoice & put it up here! Just remember to tell them to keep within the 2500-character (with spaces) limit. 

I don't suppose you would be interested in trading medical procedures stories? 😺 I have one about my eye...

Hugzies?

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

🥱 haha I reckon you’d be pretty grossed out seeing this blaghh. 

Oh you poor thing having an ick re your eye 🤗

Take care hun and everyone. Gotta rest this head 🤕 first ouch in over 2 wks. Working the pillow to avoid them. 

cyaz 🙋‍♀️

[mmMekitty]

😺Good morning, DB (& all)

Thing is, DB, I am not grossed out, or maybe not too much. It's not like I ever had the chance to really find out if I would be. I had seen documentary videos, showing surgery, anatomy & even autopses being performed. I find it is fascinating. Of-course, via video, I don't get the full sensory experience, so maybe I would be grossed out.

I was very interested in what the surgeon was doing to my eye, but how can I watch what he was doing even had my eye not been anaesthetised, rendering it temporarily totally blind? Watching a dentist work on your teeth would be just about as nearly impossible.

I continue to think, I want to see.

It wasn't that I had an icky in my eye. There are a couple operations that can be done when the eyedrops don't help to drain excess fluid from the eye, & I've had them both. One was with laser, under a local anaesthetic, while the other was a general anaesthetic. My right eye both times, &, well, in the long run, I lost all sight in that eye - although my brain continues to insist I do, sort of. 

What my brain is doing also fascinates me, & I wish I could understand it better, & explain it as well.

Hope I don't gross you (or anyone) out too much, (😸 er, maybe just a little).

Hugzies?

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, ..and all your wonderful friends…

I done a crash course at the University of Crash Courses, so I’ll be able to make sure your surgery goes 150% great….while I’m holding your hand and telling you that you will be okay…

The course was great…an hour of practicing our skills on a mannequin…then 3 hours of celebrations, at which time I received my certificate on passing Crash Courses….I am now a qualified hand holder, one eye on the surgeon and the other eye on you certified assistant surgeon….🧖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🧖💕🧖…We got this precious friend….

I do hope your 🤕 has eased of honey….they do pull us down…please you be always okay…

I came to pick you up, and bring you to mine tonight….I made some yummy buttery, salty popcorn for tonight…and I don’t like eating it alone…popcorn should always be shared with your bestest ever bbff….plus I though you might like to watch one of my fav movies….Lord of the Rings…..I though we could get out my 2 walking sticks and help the good guys, win the battle over the bad guys….Kind if like all of us working together and winning the battle over Beasty👿….2s better then 1….3s better then 2…4s better then 3….etc….if we all join in together we can obliterate 😈 Beasty for good…..

Then you can stay the night…in my spare room, if you look out the window in the spare room you will see millions of stars…..If you start counting them…in no time you will fall asleep and have the most peaceful dreams ever…..then when morning  arrives we can eat a hearty breakfast of bacon, eggs and tomatoes, and wash it down with a hot steaming coffee or tea….before I 🚜 zoom you back home…

Really do hope your okay honey,…..Deep love and lots of hugs…💙💕💙🤗♥️🤗💙..

Hugs and my care everyone….🤗☘️♥️…

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌿🌴..

[ecomama]

Hey DB and other lovelies gathered here, 

Surgery soon? 
I know Grandy's prayers will be answered, I'll throw in some too. You're covered completely now! 

Anyway AFTER the surgery you get a ride in Grandy's TRACTOR! Yay Grandy maybe we can all have a ride. I'm sure there'll be NO bumps in the road. Gotta look after DBs shoulder. 

I'm starving! Thinking of your bacon, eggs and tomatoes now Grandy. 

It's become bitterly cold all of a sudden. Maybe the weather forecast is correct. Rain ALL weekend apparently. 

Had a hard week at work and now have a headache ughhh. Brought tons of work home to do too.... that's probably WHY I have a headache, I don't want to do it! 

Ahh peace, looking forward to some Leave in a month. 

Take care, 
Love always EMxxxx