Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy darlin 👩‍❤️‍👩 dear Paws 🐾 and everyone ☺

Ugh just was finishing off a long post took ages and its gone. Dah think/hope it's noted.

Mainly wanted to apologise sweetyheart how beautiful you'd have us at yours if we were real life. You're such a honey. That went so deep into my heart. You're so beautiful.

Very tired. Big day had mhw talked a lot dear love comes love that, then Doc. Swabs confirmed it's a bad one. Sure bloody is. The pains cruel.

I started a post to Elizabeth and the new one but haven't finished my head was in hard places. Took hrs. First time to finally leave them to go back to. May not to the heartbreaking one. Poor Elizabeths too.

Really appreciate both of you dear girls thank you so much 🤗

Thank you ☺

Oh I have 2 scripts glad we're not doing hrt at least for now.

Just wanna be well again!

Really love you Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 Thank you for being such a beautiful caring great friend. Always need you.

You too Paws you're a real love too. Great people ... all of you.

⚘

[blondguy]

Hi DB...I just read your post above

sending you heartfelt bearhugs if thats okay

Paul

[monkey_magic]

Hi DB,

Wowsers you are such a trooper going through all of that.

I take my hat off to you Warrior Princess...you are in one hell of a battle.

Warm wishes coming your way to help you hold on for dear life.

I believe in you.

💘

[Ggrand]

Hey my bbff👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Just popping into wish you a very good night honey..

Been 💭 about you so much today..I hope your getting some breaks from your hurts.😢...

If only Deebi.. 🏠...

May you be wrapped up in Gods love..

Found deep in his everlasting wings..

Carried and kept safe and cherished...

May the healing power of Christ..

Breathe across you now...

Please dearest bbff....Hoping so much that you get well soon my precious friend...

Big love 💖 and baby bear hugs..🧸....

Waves to Paul and Magic...Hoping you are all doing okay...hugs..🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[Ggrand]

Hey beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I hope your managing okay...I have a feeling your not...Always here for you honey... 🍯💚...

Its okay..not pressuring you at all to talk..just wanted to call in and give you a warm caring soul hug...and let you know that you’re loved and cared for big time....by your bbff and others here....

Rest Deebi...Hopefully when your sleeping your can’t feel any hurt or pain....and helps to revitalise your body gaining more strength...

Deendy...Kya, Ebony, Destiny, Eternity, and myself...all sending you lots of healing wishes and vibes...Please be okay beautiful friend...

So much 💭 about you ....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi lovely people 😊

Thank you dear friends for your care and support it means a lot.

Paul I've been quite concerned about you. Not long ago I read on a thread you said something that I interpreted that you're healths not at all been good. If that's the case I sincerely hope you're ok or recovering good man 🤗 Hoping I misunderstood.

Magic Hey hun you have a knack, I've always said this that in a few words you give so much care and support. Many thanks it went deep.

My dear Bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi sweetyheart thank you for your loving caring support always hun.

I'm through the days constantly thinking of things I want to say but don't remember or think to note, it's often when I'm doing something but that's normal lovely you're always in my thoughts 🗯.

I love that post 28th Jan Gods love, and the wings made me think of you straight away. How powerful the words ...

May the healing power of Christ..
Breathe across you now...

I'm trying to copy it but this isn't playing nice atm can't get the handles working tho it might now cause I copied that sentence.

I'd like to reply, I know and appreciate very much you saying no pressure to but things I want to talk about so hoping I do get back.

These meds for the OMG! Infection and how bad it is could take up to 6 mths to heal fully. One of them can affect the liver yikes. After 2 wks I have a 4 day break then back on. It worries me for liver the amount of pain killers I've been having including strongs but absolutely at times need them.

Many tears with the pain but there's good times too when the pills kick in I'm having convos laughs and happy enough just this 6th wk now daily tragic pain even at times with the strongs it's there in the background.

Something we do daily (everyone) several times causes untold wicked pain.

I'd be ok to talk openly wish I could but yeh.

There are some slight improves but Sheesh this is an incredibly long hard time. It's also in my mouth. Ok except parched often.

You know times when everything slots in there's heaps of extremely good things happening and not too but the Goods are majorly winning atm including we have a very good condition new not literally car. Very happy and other awesomes too.

I'm so ragged so I'll see youse all soon.

Thank you good people. Love and care 🤗🍫

Nigh nite all ☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗🗯🤝👀😚

[blondguy]

Hey Hey DB you legend you!

I had to reply after I read about your health....I really hope you are doing reasonably okay

You are and have always been a legend and carer for others on the forums. I was going to leave in Jan 2020 until Covid was exported here and thought I would stick around to provide lived experience with the increase in anxiety related posts. I have been really tired DB and trying to find some support. I will get there 🙂

I hope you are getting all the support and assistance from your doctors DB

my kindest always

Paul

[startingnew]

Hi Paul nice to see you

sending love DB, i hope todays been ok for you 🍫🎂

[Ggrand]

Hey bbff👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.....

How are you feeling...although I can and I’m really sorry your hurting so much...Please Deebi..Drink heaps of water even if you don’t feel to..it helps flush out toxins from our insides...gosh I’m worried about you..hard not seeing how your doing in r/l...and be their just to sit with you..I have a big shoulder bbff that is all yours if you need to rest and talk about things....

I hope your good condition car will give you lots of beautiful rides out into some fresh air and peaceful places that you can just sit and relax, taking in the beauty of nature...

Not wanting to add to your stress bbff..just wondering how your going packing and looking for a new place to live...it’s okay if you don’t want to share...

I really hope you’re managing okay precious bbff...

You know that:- A good friend is like a 4 leaf clover 🍀...Hard to find...and lucky to have.....very happy I have you in my life dearest Deebi....pubaok..yadimh always....deep love and care..

Please rest as much as you can..to gain more strength..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Lovely people ☺ thank you everyone

Paws thanks hun for your support.
I hope lifes being kind to you. One reason is our reactions to pain are what pull & keep us down so often.
Always smile when I see woofas ear so cutely tucked away. He looks gorgeous.

Paul thanks for returning.I was/am sad 😢 but do understand people leaving.

You're a good man you've given so much to so many people including myself in support.

You maintained excellent threads in a class act style welcoming everyone and making our posts feel valid others do too it's special and warming. I've always liked your style.

I'll miss you budz. Wishing you every success with health and mental healing.
Again thank you Paul for everything 🤗 always ok for a good hug. Please take good care of yourself. 🌴 that's for your landscaping. Don't give up 🎵

Dear Magic you're always appreciated pet 🤗 replied earlier. Hope you're holding up.

Starts lovey thank you too for gently supporting & esp for the chocco mmm. I even shared your yummo home made choccy cake with our loves here. You're quite the wizz in the baking dept.

Grandy my precious spesh-ish 😊... rhyme time.

U R SOOO appreciated Grandy darlin. So much warmth and compassion amidst many other beautiful traits.

Loven the ☘ 4 leaf clover of friendship. So true...
Usually I drink up to 1.5 of water. 2 tends to get us up at night although it happens not as often.

Some PTSD & scenarios. Coping but hard. Helps talking to thoughts. "Why did my mind take me back there"..."why that scenario"... "It's in the past, can't change it maybe can learn from". Bit harder accepting it can't hurt me anymore when the memories are. By then it's all gone. At least it holds off other down thoughts while I tackle those. Not too many considering exhaustion and high stress.

Had some anxiety this eve. Geez it's awful. Breathing. Had several hrs sleep sarvo. Need more.

Finger infected quite sore on antibiotics.

Best news the pains almost gone and other cursing symptoms. Just scattered now. Yes the creams a hero Grandz. O/N took bulk pain away a couple days ago. Bliss. Easier to work on all the MH stuff and exhaustion.

You're beautiful people supporting others when in your own pain. I really do hope you have reasons to smile even just for small breaks it's a rest from the yuks.

To those that like hugs 🤗 for those that don't a warm elbow touch ⚘

BPaly Grandy love always. 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🏠😢so much wish we could meet. Breaks my heart...🗯🤝👀