Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Sweet Deebi,

We got more rain last night, the paddocks are beginning to get some green colouring on them now..Mumjo are doing good, I saw them yesterday feeding on the grass, they are so cute..😂, Joey was jumping around playing yesterday, then just layed down, in the 🌧 rain.....Children are all the same, regardless of who or what, kids are kids.😂🤣😅..

Im sorry about your foot still being sore. I’m pleased that your being a good girl and doing your exercises to help heal it, takes ages to heal.

Oh Deebi, I’m really happy for you that you went to see your sick friend, that would have been so special for her...and she loved the card, you really made your friend feel so special yesterday..., your heart is 24ct gold sweetheart, I know how very hard that would have been for you yesterday....🕊☺️😘..

You may be right about our minds preparing us for events...I think even though very hard to see our loved ones sick, we can at least be with them and say good bye, but when an accident, I think closure would be so hard..not sure here, just my thoughts...

Apprentice nurse Grandy is here with some specially scented candles to take away headaches...yojust sit back with your head resting on a pillow, now look at the dancing 🔥 flames, if you look closely you will see tinsy winsy widdle bubbles come out of the candle and float towards your head, then they will pop open and the tiniest little fairies 🧚‍♀️ come out and gentle massage your head, neck and shoulders.. they also sing 🎵 to you very gentle a beautiful song that relaxes you, Your now just so completely relaxed that you want to close your eyes and sleep a few minutes of blissful meditation sleep...

I hope your day is a good day lovely sweet Deebi...

Hello also to Gentle Peppy and Dearest Amanda...I hope you are both doing okay....

L🔥ve Y💜u...Deebi...Please always be okay special dear friend..

Beasty is being left behind today, I claim today as our day to enjoy....so shooo..shooo. Beasty away...if we all do it together accross the world at a particular time, maybe beasty will shooo away forever..

big love 💜 and many hugs 🤗🤗, with peace 🕊🕊.

Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Beautiful words from beautiful people Pepstar and Grandy (( hugs )) Be back sweeties xx

:D 😄 😄 Bring it on honey, today yip, Beasty can choof right off into shoo shooo land

Happiness IS achievable. There IS hope.
BB you're amazing and everyone that contributes.
Thank you again and always.

[demonblaster]

Hi guys was going to reply today.

Had 3 and half hrs sleep sarvo, woken feeling horrid everyway.

Pretty down, crying a fair bit roaring headache and generally feeling blaghh.

Catch yaz later

Thankyou for beautiful posts xx

[Ggrand]

Whispers. Good night sweet Deebi,

Oh. No....🚑 apprentice nurse Grandy.⛑, is on her way....

Shhh, poor darling.....I’ll just tippy toe into your bedroom just checking if your okay,

First let’s take your temperature 🤒...Oh no a bit high,..ok I’ll have to put a cold bandage around your head 🤕 to cool you off..there you go sweetheart, now you go back to bed, and I’ll quickly 🚜 to the famous BB cafe and get you a nice chocolate sundae, just like maccas..🍧..ah good girl....you eat it nice and slow, it will bring your body temp down.....Oh.. okay just one more..🍧...very good girl....you really do love these ..Awwe sweetie, here let me dry your eyes. Cry all you need to cry honey it gets all the toxic stress out of your soul....here you go, your cloud soft tissues will help settle those tears for you....

Okay my dear young lady, time for beddy byes..you lay down quietly and close your eyes now, and just gently deeply but gently....I’ll put our fur babies in their beautiful beds you made them...they are asleep......Now, it’s your turn honey wait I’ll tuck you in and you can just close your eyes.. I’ll stay in your spare bed tonight, but first I’ll hold on tight to your hands, and wrap you up in my angel wings, which will sprinkle their angel dust over you tonight to protect you.....poor sweetheart...here let me cool of your head with this cold cloud cloth, gently wiping your forehead..shhhh...shhhh......

Sleep peacefully tonight I’ll just sit here next to you and ask my little fairies 🧚🏻‍♂️🧚🏻‍♂️ to look after you tonight, and ever so softly brush your hair, to release any tension that has built up inside you....Poor Deebi,..I won’t leave you until your asleep....Then I’ll be just over there in your spare bed, that way I can hear you in case you wake up....I so very much hope your headache goes away..and stays away..So not fair..not at all..
Shhh....I’m giving you my love and care Deebi, because I care so very much about you..... Good night special friend...sleep well and I’ll see you in the morning for a nice hot strong pot of tea and some raisin toast......

love and hugs with peace..💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼... I’m hoping so hard that you wake up tomorrow feeling good....🕊🕊..peace lovely lady and everyone...

[Ggrand]

Hello sweet Deebi,

Appreciate nurse 👩‍⚕️ Grandy, just calling in to see how my little ray of sunshine 🎵 🎶..that came into my life 🎶🎵..is feeling today.... So much hoping that your feeling better then yesterday....honey, get a hand towel or cloth put cold water on it, then gentle very gentle wipe your face and eyes with it,leave it on your eyes for a while, then around the back of your neck... poor darling...sleep if you can....rest....okay I will leave you in peace lovely lady...I’m here for you not far away I’ll check in on you every half hour or so...if you need something please let me know...

Love you deeply my dear friend...love, hugs and peace 💜🤗🕊..Please be okay, Deebi...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

You have so much compassion and kindness in your soul little Grandy Angel.Thank you.

Been sleeping most of the day apart from catching up from BP, the meds for these damned 🤕. Probably left it too long to take meds but after a few it's now only slightly in background so possibly have couple more days ahead. Been trying the cold packs, not helping but I don't doubt they work for some types of headaches.

Moods pretty blaghh crying in bits. All pretty normal coming down but not the deeps just quite down, started to pull up last night. Have to walk soon before it gets too dark which might help a bit. Burn some of the pain out and scenery.

Hope you're holding up and your poor bodies behaving. Thrilled you've been on veranda a bit.

Did some researh this morning on a couple of things, can see majority traits in me. Noting them for psych when I see her next. That can be accomplishment today.

Thanks again 🤗

L&A (Appreciate) you Grandy 💑💜

[startingnew]

Hi SL

researching things is definently an accomplishment. well done. Hugs for all the tough stuff and sending a few choccies too- your favourite ones.

xoxox

[Birdy77]

Dear Deebs,

You are an amazing person.

I so admire your tenacity, your resilience and your self-insight.

I also admire the chocolate flavoured birdseeds you left out for a birdy. Peps: sharing-is-caring, you know ... and it's just chocolate flavoured birdseed .... so, no harm done, no interest due??

Love your work Deebs, you're a uniquely special soul.

🌻birdy

[demonblaster]

Hi Pepstar ☺ As always very grateful for your loving friendship and support

Happy starting on some research. A gentle push through the motivation barrier. Sometime I'll read over a few times to sink in and fully understand. A starts great.

😆 You charge interest, I charge (at them) with keen interest 😄

Guess it depends on where my heads at but mostly the virtual gifts roll in a few minutes. At least it's getting there. Good thing your life doesnt depend on it ☺

Don't for a second think my friend you're off the hook to find something good about yourself either my dear loved Peppystar 😁

Look after yourself darlin 🤗🤗 extra hug for letting me off the hook.
With love from choccyblaster 🍫

Heya my little SLD thanks calling in too lovey and for the beautiful choccies. It's sadly a rare thing that they're mostly all devine.

Especially pleased doing some research because I'm not in great headspace and still ragged so a plus, thanks darling 🤗 My friend that's ill loves my necklaces and was looking at them and said that's a butterfly, thought of you straight away 😚

Birdy my little tweety always a pleasure seeing you too. Words fail me expressing how incredible you are amidst many here. Thank you for your reassurance and kind words 🤗 In these times I really don't feel good about myself. Slowly but surely beasties in doses starting to pack IT's bags.

Ummm btw...if you're not a choccy lover I'll be happy to scrape it off. That's what friends are for 🙄
Much love tweety and to all of you.

Thank you from deep in my heart 🤗

bbs floss 🤗

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy
How lucky I am to have met you and so many beautiful caring people here.

You're an outstanding apprentice ⛑nurse. Always knew you're a candidate for nurse of the year. Feeling your care darlin thank you it's VERY comforting honestly. Resting cool cloth on eyelids felt soothing and brushing the hair wings.. the lot ya beautiful lady 😚

Thanks for reminder to do foot excercises

Visitors wearing friend out glad she understands why they want to see her.
Not a good prognosis. It rips 😐
We spoke openly about it. She impresses me. Sigh life can be very cruel. Yes being able to have that times Gold.

Wow the candles bubbles watching the🔥.The fairies 😀 massage was bliss taking out the kinks in my neck. Ohh 😀 and the sweet song. Darlin that was so good 🤗

How lovely seeing Jo play, how cute. A new life with a fresh energy

Thanks for explaining C-Ptsd mood drops, same with BP to my understanding.

Love your posts and you so much Grandy. Mean it.. absolute 🦄 thank you kind loving lady 🤗


☺💑💜

You wouldnt believe how long it took to post. The sooner I swap heads 😄 and put this tablet in for fixing the better. Didnt lose my cool. Oh SO close a few times tho. As if in these times it doesnt take long enough let alone it kicking up big time in notes.

Night loves 🐧