Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovliest Deebi,

Im so looking forward to king parrots coming back...I miss them...it will be sad if they don’t bring the cows back. putting crops in I think will mean that they will be down here a lot more and a lot more animal control will happen...

Deebi, honey, you have been handling this episode so good, I think maybe because you didn’t shut down this time,,staying here talking daily, I think it has helped you. I’m really very proud of you...I needed to tell you that...you are getting the better of beasty...👿 🤛 💪 yay...☺️😚

I wish Deebi, that we could meet up.....meeting you in r/l would be better then winning all the money and gold in the world...you mean so much more to me then anything else..truth..😇

I think you have a few days of outs this week, please look after yourself because I think now your needing extra sleep to recover....I notice no day sleeping any more are you unable to or just not wanting to..? ...

That’s good you done some more on the card, oh honey please don’t pressure yourself to much in getting it done.. I know you want to finish it, but if it looks like you won’t finish it, maybe take it in to show her or get someone to take for you...that way your lovely friend can see it ..Hard for you Deebi ...I know...

I hope you sleep well tonight, peaceful and restful..and that tomorrow is a better day then today...

Love you very much 🌹💜

Outstanding , beautiful caring Deebi.....😚

Valued very much and tucked away in my heart.👼

Everday your in my thoughts..🦄

🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🌛

Yesterday today and tomorrow. Love you..🕊

Overjoyed with your friendship.👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

U. are a huge part of my life.💜

Good night Deebi, I hope you sleep restful and dream of cute little puddy tats running all over the place and when they get tired they will curl up with you Destiny and Eternity and have a wonderful sleep... goes For all you lovelies reading this...

Love with hug,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼...🕊

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB (and a wave to Grandy and all),

You have so much love and affection in you 🙂 I like how you’re taking things as they come and not putting a lot of pressure on yourself with this man...I feel that’s a beautiful way to approach the situation...

The lack of sleep probably isn’t helping...I feel sleep and mood is intertwined....everything is connected...

What do you know? I found a couple of four leaf clovers 🙂 one for you and one for Grandy...

Super soul hugs and much love...

Pepstar xoxo

[demonblaster]

You know you're not winning when you lose posts in notes. Grandy it took a while. The sooner I get this fixed the better.

Grandy Peps thanks for beautiful posts, I really must plug at card again. Almost settled headache laying back in recliner and cold pack not sure yet if one, both or it's easing on its own.

Bbl 🤗😚

[demonblaster]

Hey darlin 🤗 long soul hugs. Yes Peps is a great apprentice 🙂

Got it back somehow, had lost post in notes.

Hope the cows do return. Animal controls scary. I'm glad you're thinking of that although a downer, you're preparing yourself in case. Not nice is it hun.

Grandy I'd be living hell like it nearly always was, Learnt so much here, so much support. Amazing seeing people helping eachother in hard times. Thanks yes getting stronger. Good feeling.

Sitting back on recliner to hopefully rid headache coming on and trying another cold pack.

You do too sweet lady, you mean so much to me. What a beautiful friend and unconditionals very comforting.

Thought maybe I'd come out of this quicker if I didnt day sleep. I sleep ok in normals so think I'll arvo if I need, takes an age to catch up.

Excellent idea to show card to her. Was going tomoz after out, have to be thurs. Rang hospital in case she has
appointments and does.
Another wanting to live, part of why I hold on wrong option. Bloody hard hearing the littles she's up to saying Grandy she's so sweet. A memory saddens me often. So vulnerable. It was a good thing, one of those moving moments for us all.

Face the memories on thursday. Ok to cry re late love. She'd be same area, easier if not same room. It'll be ok but I'd hope to take some time and not block it tho I think often on it. The hardest thing in my life was leaving him there 😢 I helped after too.

That touched me deeply Grandy thank you and I l🤗v😙e you deeply too.
Amazing friend you are 😊

Thoughts of our gorgeous 😍virtual puddy tats ☺ today brightened as other times too. You're a very thoughtful and kind 🦄 lady 🤗

Bbs dear Pepstar 🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Ive not been sitting out front for a few days, I think they have gone back home from accross the road....While they are not there there is no 🔫 noises, but over the weekend it is so hard listening to them 🔫 and thinking if mumjo is safe.

When I’m down, helping others and talking sometimes, not always stops me from going deeper in...I think it will help you as well, this time I think no I know you done amazingly...

Im sorry that your headaches back again..awe poor darling it’s not fair, I wish I can take your headache away....

oh yes I forgot thanks or asking my thread...I’m waiting to see specialist for jaw,.....bursitis ouch sometimes.. pain meds help but don’t want to take always...heart well it’s okay mostly but when high anxiety the extra beat bang happens, have been told I can take extra half med if I need to...

I know you need to see your beautiful friend, looks like Thursday..Awwe honey it’s okay to cry, if you need to on Thursday...It’s going to so hard for you..Yes I remember when I also had to, so very hard to leave them there, 😢. If you need to talk, release , vent, yell, scream, please do it, do it here if you have to..i/we will be here for you Sweet Deebi.. I’m sure she will love the card...finished or not finished it’s a gift from your heart, very special gift Deebi...

I posted on mine for you and Peppy.... it just came in a little while ago, above my reply to Shelly..

Deebi, your an amazing friend to me..and I’m the lucky one......you give me light and make me smile at times.....our virtual puddy tats I think of as well, the mind is powerful Deebi and can us were we want to go if we believe hard enough...

Have a restful sleep Deebi, and I hope there is some light in your day tomorrow, you deserve only the best...

Love you Sweet Deebi...🕊🕊🕊..we can and we will win..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼....🕊🕊

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovely zdeebi,

I just want to wish you a really good deep sleep tonight.

I wrote a post took a while, but I didn’t note it, when will I ever learn, it took like 10 minutes after I pressed post to turn over the page so I’m guessing I’ve lost it..,I will wait until morning and try to remember what I wrote...feel like 😢 when that happens...

A reply to you at mine was delayed it’s there now on top of my reply to Shelly... internet very bad here last couple of days..

I’m going to bed now..need sleep last night sleep 💤 didn’t come until 5am, then up at 7 for 🎯...

Deebi, I’m sorry about your headache sweetheart..it makes me sad that you get them..wish I could take them away for you....

Good Night my special Deebi, whom I love very deeply,,

Nitey nites all ..peace ..🕊 wished for everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼....🕊🕊

[Ggrand]

Hello Sweet Deebi,

I wanted to call in today and wish you a good out today..and to remind you to wear 🐉Deendy and squish her nose for that super charged 🔥 of hers..to awaken the beautiful but strong Demonblaster to choofing beasty away if he shows his beasty self...

I read back a bit I usually do, saw a post from 1st September..satarting ..Yip that’s how the cookie crumbles...Im sorry I didn’t read that one..🙇‍♀️...

I will talk tonigh to you sweetheart...not sure about today, what I’ll do...re mhn appointment...

I hope your day is a good day, please enjoy yourself, your doing such a fantastic job this time round so very proud of you....Plenty of hello, how are you hugs 🤗, they are nice and soul warming...and your soul already being warm, beautiful, gold..well those hugs will make your soul shine that much that sunglasses 😎 will have to be worn, to be next to you because..you light up the path for others....

Im wished as hard I could last night on the stars ⭐️ 🌟✨✨⭐️💫that your headache has gone today... im still wishing special friend....

Love you very much...☄️💥 ..💜🕊🤗🦄👼..

Bug Love 💖 with big hugs 🤗....joined with peace 🕊...hopefully will be a good day for everyone...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼...,🕊🕊

[demonblaster]

Thanks & hi dear Peppims 🤗 Sharing da lurv Think it'll be moreso friendship.(few reasons) Happy we had our moment likely in the future too. Not fazing over it,lot of other to focus on. Lovely memories 🤗

Sleep really does affect our moods. We're at our strongest with enough.

Haha you're so sweet Peppy thank you for our clovers, they're beautiful I put mine in a cute cm high vase away from our gorgeous widdle puddy tats the little mischiefs. Excuse me while I just pick them up and kiss them something silly. Da da stop trying to get away, no no it's cuddle time not play.. awe look eternities wrapped it's little paws around my hand and trying ouch to bite it. Tiny needle teeth..oh no Destinys in on it too. Looks like I'm their new play toy..oh what a shame 😆

Loven your work with super soul 🤗 glad to see you're teaching our precious Grandy too, might recruit her as 2nd apprentice 🤗 back atcha darlin friend.

Keeping an eye on you with love and care Peppy bbs to yours 😚There really is hope for change Peps 💗 It's within us.

Grandy hey there lovely 🤗
Always thanks for dropping by 😀 Been getting/staying up if it's not birdy fluff times on waking. Improvement.

Hope you got better sleep yikes. Dear love look after yourself else I'll have to ☺
You're very sweet wishing me a good out and yes I'll 😄 squish deendys nose. So cute

Headache choofed your 🌟prayers helped 😚 Sometimes caught early Ican rid them too. Told like friend about cool towel (neck too) doesnt take anything. Full empathy

No probs re post hun, I usually check back too. Reading back last night (lifted me) finally found your thoughts post & noted 🌹 Reread mindset too. We'll get there and you don't think so but you too darlin we're getting stronger

Thanks had read your reply not that you'd know but hadn't thumbed it. Sometimes this doesnt let me or forget.

👍I'm improving on noting slowly. You'll remember sweety.

Let's mindset our days to be good.
Always love you little Angel 💑💜💼🚜🦄 you mean so much to me and many 🌹

Btw intend to land at "creative writing" thread, practising with my friends here first. Working sproradicaly on ♨️

[demonblaster]

BP day 18

Monday. Very bad day.

Tues. Very tired but mostly coping. Little downs on occasion. (Today) Rough. 😭😢 extremely tired. Sleeping well needing so much more.

Monday something happened struggled hard nearly took me right down. Sorted but not happy in myself mostly. Couple of people unintentionally hurt me with thoughtless comment. Addressed and cried. Better to be away from people those times. Didn't go off.

Weds. (today) Quite down but can handle, extreme tiredness. Easier to cope with than Monday. Different down.

Going to arvo sleep.

Having to reduce walking. Had a couple days off for achilles tendon. When doing big hills taking very slowly due to extreme tiredness and smoking. Bussed to shops usually walk. Might jump on excercise bike, excercise adds to tiredness but need to do it.

Couple days ago thought I was going into mania but settled. If so only an hour or so.

This time seemed less mania (approx 3 days. Overall seemed less mixed episode. Easier to cope.

Hard but not the crippling deeps at a constant. I think once they tried but got through. Think that day was the only other hard one. The rest struggling to various degrees but getting through.

Maybe today work more on Blue voice (BV) project application. Want to finish rather than wait till closer time. Ok if I don't get accepted this time, it's something I hope to be doing at some stage here

Being in mania is very similar to how kids are. Abundance of energy impulsive not listening to reason often, not much self care (as an adult) easily distracted (moreso) pumped risks learn the hard way & all over the shop etc.

I've wondered if manias a defense. At times I've felt inferior with extreme low self esteem, more in younger yrs around some people. Mania gives what everyone wants. Confidence self assured happy etc esp in type 1 bullet proof. Stand up for yourself without self doubt. Over the yrs in between episodes I have too Anythings possible. Our brains are still a mystery tho very good understanding to this point.

Anther theory as I believe our souls are us. Our bodies transport in time & our brains are for learning/movement that MI could come about in defence/reaction to past life atrocities. Deep I know but possibilities.

Thanks listening and caring 🤗

[demonblaster]

Addit. The main part of mania was only 3ish days, it follows through to a lesser degree for me anyway.