Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello lovely Deebi,

Im really sorry to hear about your friend being not good...I thought it might have been the same hospital and I’ve been so worried about you because of that...Really honey if you need to talk please do so....don’t hold the hurt inside you if you start hurting please...talk here...We are always here for you.😚..

The pain you got in your back sound like it was excruciating...I hope so much that doesn’t ever happen to you again.....I remember once I was putting things away in the fridge and when I stood up..ouch, felt like a bolt of lightning goingbthrough my lower back...dr said pinched nerve..never happened again....but now arthritis in lower back and between shoulder blades...painful but manageable...

The panic attacks I’ve been reading a bit, as well as deep breathing to the count of 5; we should close our eyes for added concerntration on breathing and place one hand on our tummy and one on our chest and focus on getting the deep breathes move our tummy in and out....

Well done saving the kids today, Wow Deebi, that’s awesome I’m so proud of you that you told them to stop look and wait...☺️😚.. They shouldn’t be playing with a ball near the road, Deebi, How very lucky they are that you were there..

Thats okay with your art when you can do it that’s fine...one day Deebi, you will do it I know you will and you will be successful at it, because you have determination and want and there two very powerful emotions...

Okay present not far way, I really hoping your enjoying those chocolates Deebi, I forgot to tell you they are never ending for three times...the box refills 3 times before it’s empty...so enjoy sweetheart and watch out for D&E they love anything chocolate....😁 so do I...

Love you Deebi...🦄

Lots of love and hugs...💜🤗....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦄👼..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

i posted around 10.30pm, it’s tomorrow.....still not 🛬....Never noted it either....will try to remember what I said and repost later on today.....so hoping it’s not lost in computer 💻 land....

Good nite special lady...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🦄👼...🕊🕊.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB (and a wave to all),

Your unwell friend does sound like she’s struggling. I think it’s very nice of you to plan to visit her on Saturday. It will be lovely to spend some time together, and maybe you’ll brighten up her day with your big heart and fun sense of humour 🙂

I suppose the drawback is how the hospital, as you said, will trigger memories of your late beloved. You must miss him terribly...sighs, people passs but the love remains. Hugs to you...

Your protective lioness instinct clearly kicked in when you helped the kids. I’m glad you were looking out for them 🙂

I think you’re very thoughtful and kind to ask but you can just pop into my thread any time without needing to ask me 😉 Anyone can visit and write any time if they wish.

Thank you for the clover bubbles. The thought of them makes me smile.

Good luck with your art adventures!

Super soul hugs and much love,

Pepstar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hi loves thanks for popping in lovely ones.

Got mucked around with others that were coming was really hacked off, potentially was going to be stranded there, wont go off but going to say my bit. Luckily other bloke (one I like went) had few drinks cant afford and did most of the talking, everyone was lovely. No grief. Going back Sunday. Wasnt packed like usual. Not to worry we got quite a few signatures.

Friend wasnt confused today good. Havent seen but quick calls occasionally texts.

Doubt if I'll out tomoz absolutely wrecked tho wanted to see her but MH first. If I'm awake and she's exhausted so gotta play visits by ear and others seeing her. Life can be cruel but she'll be well cared for in hospital.

Ok but might try sleep more now coming down for quicker recovery and have monday-thurs stuff on.

Thanks Grandy re tummy. I like the 3 breaths easier to remember and I do the 3d stuff but sometimes do your 5 breaths.

Pressy you're so beautiful enjoyed your post. Always do. Sometimes I struggle posting so proofings hard but I'll try. Learning.

Peps sweety lady thank you too hun. Tell ya that was scary the kids geez how many times sheez didnt need those heart failures and fairly busy street.

Thanks Peps almost anyone would feel same and bad history in that area. Very strong good reasons to be hacked off, could turn into major Blue and tbh IF they kick up I doubt I'll hold back but who needs the agro, said my bit. Real dicey one. I best leave it, felt some release talking and crying to here.

Girls your serious magic, all

Hope you're both holding up.

Love to you both ☺ 💑💜 Peps where'd you hide the clover 🤗😄

Grandy 🤗😗 you be ok lady

[Ggrand]

Good morning. Dearest Deebi,

Deebi, I have over the last few weeks, discovered that a lot of people say one thing, then do another, then try to wriggle there way out of responsibly for their words/actions....I’m so pleased that you met up with your friend and had a few drinks, talked and felt better.....Maybe 🤔 if possible..only a suggestion here, you could leave the card somewhere safe where people can see it for a few hours so they can sign....no maybe not..

Its okay Deebi, 3, 4 or 5 breaths..doesn’t matter as long as your breathing...😁....

We had rain falling again last night...it sounded really nice...Happy spring day lovely lady....The sun is shining today, the ground is wet..the air isn’t so dusty, but the air is cold.....

The owners from accross the road, live bigger town, they have been here now a few days in there caravan.. I’m wanting them to go home so I can sit on my veranda, I’m uncomfortable when people around....

Please loveliest, beautiful friend, I hope you have a really good day today....

I wasn’t up to 🚜 over yours last night, I’m sorry, i had some cries...poor Destiny and Eternity, here is some super fresh fish 🐟 🐠 I caught 🎣 for them...Oh I fished off the rocks, and a huge wave 🌊 made me fall over and get all 💦, I laughed so much, that when I tried to get up again I fell....😂🙃...anyhow they have a lovely dinner tonight...Also my super special friend, I made you a yummy, macaroni, bacon, tomato, cheese bake, i crispied up the melted cheese on top, and their is gooey cheese tomato and bacon all the way through.....it is so super yummy...I hope you enjoy....

Okay honey I’ll let you go, I hope your day is a beautiful day for you, beautiful lovely lady...L🔥VE Y🌟U...very muchly...

Please be okay..🌈..I’m alway 👂 and holding 🤝, and 👀, and keeping my wings around you.....dear 🦄 friend.....

Everyone....🕊peace,💜love and 🌞sunshine in your lives today..and always...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Hi precious little Angel 🤗If You knew how much light you give me/us. From deep thank you for you and your love. Reciprocated.

What a shame isnt it. Hard to see at times but good can result from bad.

Good suggestion thanks, yrs ago I did a card for someone at work lost her father. Took ages. Left it for people to sign and someone who didnt bother owning up spilt a drink and wrecked it. Got around it & learnt from it. Have thought that too about needing time and have been talking about it to people. Last night went back to some later. Will try to announce next trip soon. Delicate matter, luckily most know but still approached carefully.

Working on a post about the veranda lovey, hope today, going to try and get more done on the card.

How lovely the rain. Long time waiting. Sounds nice that brisk cool air.

Big 🤗 let it out sweety. Exhausting but toxins being released so healing. Dear Grandy sorry you're hurting.

Oh babee thank you loved the Macaroni. Cheese bacon. No probs not getting back hun look after you first. I'm secure in our friendship.

No sleeper yay woke 5ish blaghh dozed but bit stronger. Wont day sleep still tired, mood not great but can work through this. Stronghold had me only once and woot! Got through. Otherwise feeling stronger overall. Starving beasty with positives. IT's on a diet.

Didnt go out needed sleep and one that let me down I need to think how and what to say without going crook and better not in this mindset atm
So grateful you're always there. So much love ☺

💜💑

[demonblaster]

Cooking lunch & some veg Grandy ☺

While I remember, fascinates me how there's runs in things. Needing this one to pass through. 2nd time within a week different drivers on a round about a close shave, not sure about first one but pointed out last night and he was honest and agreed it was his fault. Not screeching holt but..Lot of pros being a passenger but some cons. Unless I have to I don't say at the time but aware they're watching because of potentially panicking them. 🤤

Will try staying up. This if I keep coming down will hopefully be quicker, not exhausted atm but very tired. Woo hoo. This is what I need but won't get a few days free to come down and catch up but no day sleeps but tried sometime along the way.

[demonblaster]

Hi lovelies 🤗

☺ Yip that's how the cooky crumbles, timing or what, the bloke I fell hard for while back, growing good friendship and was settling for that came round tonight. Going to take it slowly. Not stressing or thinking too hard on whatever happens, cause thinking of moving on sometime. Happy with casuals. See what goes. Thank god wrong choice is an option but doesnt seem to be wanting too. Oh it was suicide call back that I'll some time read the how to talk. Read here at times from home page articles. Hard with other we get on SO well really like him. Not meant. Both treat me well. Spending a lot of time with like one but that's life. Hard not to act on feelings. Friendships growing. 4 hr talking. SO easy with him

Hope Starwolfs back on her feet and if she's ever looking in she said you never know in the future re tonight friend. Had possibility in back of my mind with him and was hard too at the time.

Just enjoy our time. Respecting myself a bit 😲 not always but it's a start.

Coping & IT's trying but oh so much better. Still in recovery. No arvo sleep. Tired as. Havent had tea yet

Heard going off meds it comes back but they never went, maybe it came quicker. See my own GP thurs.

God may deep hell never return! Little chest pain occasionally but ? some very minor back outs in thoracic area (main spine from neck). Neck areas not rock hard anymore. Headaches gone. 5 ish days

Achilles still. ? torn. Bearable pain. mostly remembering excercising. Can't not walk but might have to rest it. Would hate to lose core strength, can't go back to horrors with severe back outs. No no no.

Unwell friend has pain damn eased with pain relief. Text occasionally and very quick calls. Sad. Suspect it's not going to be long poor darling

Goodnight sweety Grandy SO much L&C. Hold on darlin we'll get through 🤝💜💑🐶🐕🐺🦊

Hope you dried yourself after trying to catch fish with your hands 😆 They told me to thank you very much and left a scale to share. Oh SO cute. You're beyond 🦄

When I can I'll do some MH research just so much on atm bit to do on card & need to get normal again

[Ggrand]

Good Afternoon Dearest Deebi,

I know today will be a little busy for you getting more signatures onto your lovely card. Please sweetie if your feeling stressed or anxious sit down somewhere and relax, breath, and breathe some more....think of our good times here..

Its really beautiful here, sun is shining with a cool breeze, looking out my door I can see that the people accross the road have huge ugly rusty equipment planted accross from mine....looks like they are going to plant some type of crops....it’s very messy over there now...it makes me sad that I think they won’t bring back the cows....andzwhen they do go home I will only have dusty looking crops to look at..

How are you feeling lovely lady, I hope you are okay....

i can relate to things happening in runs.. They both sounds like very scarey situations that you have been it....And a guardian angel is protecting you, from possibly being a few seconds earlier or later, you’re being looked after darling....I am very thankful for that....

I hope your day is a good day today, I can hear so many birds out today, I wonder if they know the change of seasons as well😁☘️🌴🌹..My....well not mind but the king parrots will be back soon to say hello and feed from my bird feeder, I’m looking forward to that...they land on my shoulder, They are beautiful...and have a bell like sound when they call me...

I hope your day is a good day sweetheart with lots of welcoming hello hugs....Please be okay. I’m really concerned about...I hope you have some light in your life today...Love you special sweet friend..deeply and caringly...

Love with hugs, 💜🤗....and ..🕊..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy 🦄👼....

[demonblaster]

Hi dear Grandy 🙂 always lovely seeing you.

What lovely images I have of your place, shame about the cows though. Maybe you'll get some peace in seeing life grow. Nice to have things to look forward to, beautiful when birdies trust us enough to land on our shoulders. They're so pretty, can't say the same for their squawks 🙂 but that's their voices and communication.

Thanks re breathing, I have been a little anxious today and some of the time have remembered breathing. No sleeper again. Thrilled with the bloke but not great timing but will enjoy the time we have. Trying to control happies because last thing I want is another mania. (Can't believe I'm saying that)

Very sad about some, Other forums I go occasionally but have been often previously. Someone I'm VERY close to and love similar to here have rules (Bumma 😞 that we can't meet up. I feel if they wanted to they'd find a way. Again how the cookie crumbles but sux.

I'll be back on deck normal happies I think when I catch up sleep fully. Struggling but managing. Nowhere near as bad as pretty much constant strongholds before.

Got tinsys done on the card today so happy but there's pressure to get it done in time, hoping I can, if not the family will have it.

Ok loves hope your days are good. Much love for you sweet lady (( x )) Remember all the nice things you said about and keep putting positives in your mind honey, beasty has no room while they're there. Helps no end.