Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB (and a wave to Grandy and all),

You certainly have one very busy, activity filled week ahead of you. There is definitely a lot going on...

I’m really happy that spending time with one of your friends helped. Sometimes I feel deep conversations are just what we need to cleanse the soul...

It sounds like you witnessed an injustice hence your intervention during the argument. You always have such a strong sense of fairness, and you’re willing to stand up for people...you have a lioness’ heart...mighty, mighty...

I think it’s so thoughtful that you want to get a lot of people to sign a card for your unwell friend. That’s something that she will cherish. It’s moving how you’re making the most of whatever time she has left...this must be so painful. An extra special hug from me...

I look forward to your “revelation” post when it’s ready 🙂

All the best at your psych’s today and I hope you aren’t too tired after a night out tonight.

Thank you for the clover bubble (is this a floating bubble with a clover inside?). It sounds beautiful 🙂

Super soul hugs and much love,

Pepstar xoxo

P.S. I’m onto you and my missing choccie bars...what’s this about freezing some of the my stash? Lol.

[demonblaster]

Dear sweet Pepstar

It's a bit sad when such beautiful people can't see the goodness in themselves. One day Peps deary for you. At least I know some of my goods. And starting to crowd out beasty with them and positives. 😀

Yes and this one is an excellent listener. I do as well with more work needed, its usually not one way with people. Varied convo always quality time with her and very true it was cleansing.

The revelation I might not be right but for me I feel a strong possibility and BP sufferers potentially if not others but still definately hope.

Status today hopefully. In a nutshell wrecked hun, although stress am in good spirits atm

Yes hun it's at our lovely I love you thread (reason) angel poster approx 3 days ago. Wasnt sure if you realised it was for you too 😊

😁 I love long standing jokes and try to vary them. I backed off with the 🍫 in case it was getting old, was glad when you threw one in. Mmm wouldn't have been Gwandy so maybe that little puddy tat dobbed me in. Have to go and gave a serious talk in the form of cuddles.

Always appreciate your understanding and support with losing loves 🤗

Still working on your 🎁 got a little furthur. Haha the more suspense I've gotta get it right so you don't have a whooptee doo moment 😆

Love Peps hope you're feeling a little brighter today.

Hi 💜💑 and anyone reading ☺

[startingnew]

Hi SL

so much happening for you too. hugs and yes you are a warrior! youll get through this just like you have before and youve ot us here cheering you along xoxoxoxoxox

[demonblaster]

Thanks darling SLD 🤗 hope you're going a bit better 😚🦋

BPday 11 /status
Holding for now. Felt very stressed and angry on out but pulled up quickly. Got on with what I had to do. No one knew except maybe a bit serious though I was focusing on what I was doing. Looking after archilles so did other lighter things. Was good but just need to get decent sleep. Another good friend been going a bit lately which is great

Said something nicely today to bloke to stop saying something. Spoke on out that at some stage I want to talk to him, we'll be ok cause we're friends sort of but he did a lot of damage. Still does at times

Friend rang returning call he's the one that I dont think going to out at least yet. Not recent bloke over 4 hrs but the one I fell for. Hes got reason to be in such a hard place. I try but I'm out of my depth. Then if he doesnt or cant talk I listen too but babble about other stuff. Can't push but try to get him opening up. Sent him suicide call back no:
Starts today or? I saw a how to prepare to talk to someone re suicide here do you know where that was at all. I was going out and didnt get a chance to note it.

Headache trying today but so far not and havent needed meds. Had umpteen.

We'll see how it goes on down.
Lunch with besty to support them, their beloved cat passed away yesterday. They have another thats feeling it.

Sometimes in life suddenly a few same things happen. Atm its Cancer and lovely cat was too. Lovely friend with prostate cancer when he goes he drives me going through the treatment motions. Good on his positive attitude. Holidaying, fit and keeps going. You get or hear about runs in things.

Chest pain mostly gone, anxiety backed off mostly. Something notbquite right in side have xray for that area need to do.

Will book for GP soon.

Ok kind of mainly whacked few beasties nothing too bad since other night. Peps will eventually reply bout some stuff 🤗

Nigh nite thanks hun 😙👋🦋

Grandy 🤗💜💑

[Ggrand]

Hello Sweet Deebi,
I’m pleased that your psych visit went okay today for you...

I can feel that you’re not doing so good Sweet friend...Please honey, remember to breath deeply...slowly and relaxing...always here for you...I’m sorry I’m just not able to think straight today, mind fog...🤯.lol Found this one as well in my 💼....

Please be okay special dear beautiful friend...love you very much...

You are stronger then you think.....You are not your depression...... please, remember, that I’ll always hold your hand and that if you fall i will always be here to help pick you up...as the other lovelies here will as well.

I laughed 😁, when you said you were walking and then remembered lunch with beasty then just started 😂 I could 😊😚see you trying to walk but laughing so hard that you couldn’t walk straight...😂😁👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..God I love you...your beautiful..... lovely lady....

I would never dob you in sweetheart, 🤫🤫😂 not me Deebi....but would love some 🍫...enjoy your serious talk with Destiny and Eternity they luv their cuddles so much..They do loooove 🍫 milk mixed in with their weetbix..luckily we have the weetbix tree growing...

i hope so much you sleep well tonight without that pesky 🤕 headache...poor darling, I’ll check in on you through the night and keep your head cooled of by wiping your forehead with our cloud soft cloth and cool water....Oh better still I’ll stay in your spare bed tonight, that way I can really take good care of you...I’ll put Leo Rojas on got you and light the beautiful candle, that when you light it, changes colours and scents every few seconds and at each colour change the little flames throws out some sparkling glitter with tiny little stars 🌟 that spreads all over your room so you are looking at the stars that are floating and twinkling all around you with specks of different coloured glitter as well...Very peaceful and relaxing...

Good Night Deebi, I hope so much that you sleep really restful tonight, and wake up with a beautiful smile on your face and a golden glow coming from your soul...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...👼🦄......night nite everyone...🕊 peace 💜 love and 🤗 hugs...

"

[demonblaster]

Hi SLD Grandy and all

Thanks Starts darling always lovely to hear and comforting🤗 look after yourself sweet 🦋

Hey Grandy another amazing post thank you. Love them. D&E the little treasures and woohoo being virtual I feel and see them & they never grow up. 😀 those candles gorgeous. Well done. Permanent laugh Xlent 😁 knew it clever lady even accidentally you've got wicked good humour 😅 Great nursing thrilled you stayed over Gwandy and looking after me 🤗 Think I'll drink their milk btw. Weetbix trees going well looks like its growing cocoa pops too was that your doing.

Got 3 hrs without sleeper, 2ish n Slept within seconds of the pillow.

Racked my brain for some yrs how to permanently recycle and use art on a couple of very easy access objects I can get free in abundance. Not sure yet about the other and can hopefully get a few bucks soonish. Need to make money too from it all but one of my many art related fund raising ideas amongst others for bb. Cheap as chips to make so I need to get stuck into it and will be soon for card hoping to get motivation happening from that with art

Pills kicking in.I wake usually about 7 ish naturally so chookys one on sleep thread Id need to bed about 9pm maybe 10 latest and yukko start getting up then to get more done. LOVE my sleep.

Struggling but holding ok moreso atm just need sleep yes forbrecovery.

Stubborn but couple of things hacked me right off with good reason and then ignored. No ones fault just very bad headspace at the time and took hours on total exhaustion. Try with others

When I come down I'm going to need probs to day sleep too cause it all starts again on Monday else it'll last too much longer but then I won't get much of the card done.Think hope have a little time.

Maybe tab gremlins lately some emojis coming up without picture. A small verticle rectangle and cross in them. 6th paragraph 2 before 😂 then not me deebi what are they hun

Gotta bed now love.

Saw you're doing it hard sweety 🤗 you're not your depression either hun.

Love you 🤗💜💑 hows bursitis

Enjoy Mumjoe. Sleep well huns 😚 thank you both

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB (waves to all),

That convo with your friend sounds like it was just what your soul and heart needed. I’m glad to hear she’s a good listener as they can be very rare in my opinion...

Your revelation sounds pretty special and full of insight and wisdom. I think it’s great that you feel it would help people who have BP 🙂

Things do sound rather hectic for you but I’m glad you seem to otherwise be in a good mood. I hope your art projects work out and help raise some funds. That would be fantastic!

Oh thank you 🙂 Although maybe I missed something. Do you mean you left something for me 3 (or now more like 4) days ago on Grandy’s thread? Sorry, do you mean the clover bubbles?

I always appreciate your lioness’ heart, warmth and cheeky sense of humour 🙂

Much love, choccie bars and super soul hugs,

Pepstar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hey sweet Pepstar ☺ as always thanks for your care and support.

Yes 😆 I wasnt clear because head fog ,more than anything. I'm pretty sure you're ok about it if one day may I chat in your thread about something please. I know here personal threads are to support the individual. To support you too of course ☺

Good listeners are a rare breed aren't they. Quality

☺ thanks for those comments moreso for the choccies.

If I came out of this struggling but holding I'd be stoked. Bloody hard but it can only get better with a strengthening mindset.

Art I KNOW I can make successful and boom helping bb they SO deserve and need it. Its and other help out there can make our lives easier.

Hoping your days good Peps 🤗😚🖌(paintbrush)

[Ggrand]

Hello special and beautiful Deebi and gentle Peppy, and readers..

Deebi, I hope you are okay...It’s not your computer, I don’t know what happened but I pressed something and an update happened and I’ve got more emoji, some fairies..., 😂. a brain, more little faces doing things , when I send to my phone same happens , just a little rectangle with lines through it...the ones you are talking about are little faces with a finger on its mouth say shhhh...don’t tell....I’m sorry I won’t use the news ones anymore, there is only a few of them....

I love your enthusiasm for your art , I really hope that you can continue doing your art and be a success for you and BB....Very good luck and my best wishes for you there honey....I hope eventually that you will be able to do markets stalls maybe to sell your art projects...

Im pleased you’re sleeping a little more without the meds. It’s okay if you need them occasionally... I think your doing amazingly well this episode, I’m very very proud of you...

Oh still polishing your 🎁 😂..it’s taking a while but I know your going to love it because it’s special..in the mean time here is a yummy box of 💝.special uniquely flavoured choccolotes, what ever your imagination can dream up is what the chocolates are......🙇‍♀️..ummmm, I had to try one..you know just in case...my one was coffee soft caramel with a mixture of white, milk,and dark chocolate..it was super yummy 😋....I hope you enjoy the rest 😋☺️..

i hope you know that I. L😚Ve. Y💜 u..very much and will look after you the best I can from here...

I hope you have a good day today Deebi , Peppy, SN, and everyone who reads this....🕊..

special peaceful 🕊🕊 wishes for you all. Because you are all very special and amazing people...

Love...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Hey Hun/s ☺

Rang C.friend 😐she said she's not good. Talked about 2 minutes. Very confused. Probs heavy meds.

Bit hard this hospital is where I stayed the last week in 2 bedder with my darling. Slept first 3ish in recliner & close to him. Every time I first got out of bed my back (recovering from severe then outs before during and after when I first stood up it felt as though there were two separate parts moving into place. Had unbelievable pain with back, that was a new one (heavier weight then) screamed like you wouldnt believe thank god only once each day. Recliner eased it. Hard memories but that's how it goes. Not sure shes going to get home. Hope she doesnt suffer long but at least meds control pain if any. Havent visited yet probs Sat on out.

Holding mostly with anxiety and stress, only slight littles chest pain. Need to come down, too much to do. Might take longer for recovery. Takes a while for sleep pattern coming down for few days. Don't think I've day slept.

Potentially saved kids lives at bus stop after friends. Hand ball 9-11 yrs, few times stopped them running onto road, turned into a Mum. Few heart failures told them why I was telling them STOP look wait. I got a couple of balls. Scary. Not a Mum but maternals still there. Instinct (survival)

👍. thanks. great 😁 It's not this, Ok if you want to use them I know now & they might work later

Wary of getting art out (Black market) Will happen anyway if it goes well. Had suggests about markets. Good idea. Yrs of thought research talking to people into several aspects incl; marketing and markets. Can't until I can finance perfect and finish them. Dools had an excellent idea for cards

😀when you're ready 🎁nice to look forward too

Grandy you're so good to me, everyone here's amazing.
Much love darlin 💜💑 🍫 oh they're perfect, had triple choc with fave drink flavour. Devine 😚