Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Still not landed 🛬..I have a copy in my notes..if not landed when I wake up. What ever time that is I will repost just means you might get two of the same posts....😂😅🤣😂..lovely lady... love you...🤗🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

You radiate light precious gem. Said it before little angel you couldn't have chosen a better Avitar 💜👼💗

Status. I think the other night was the beginning of a BP so I think today if it grows is day 3. The depression came from no where then the next day hearing about my friend I get. Yesterday I was happy, quite happy and thought Hello, different happy to inbetweens which I didnt have this time (happens at times) but not depression as such either ( withdrawing yeah but was ok mostly).Today bit everywhere, woke bit earlier happy then cried now kinda good but worn out from tears. Wolfy I think cryings a healthy thing too if you're listening btw.

Thanks Grandy re BBQ and lunch with friend sometime soon.

Was going to ask you about darts but thought you probs werent in the mindset, good girl going next wk, I can hear your strength building again. Your powers rising my lady 🔥 and yes I'll proudly wear 🐍 and my beautiful soul touching 🌜💑🌛

Ohh dear wee furs, love them and they love me too, they whispered to me when yous stayed the other night. Wonder what 🛫 it was for. Maybe checkin out drought areas?

🚜 gets me everytime and the 💼 and so many amazing mems, absolutely cherish our time Grandy 🤗 ohh that hot choccy (oh yeah here ya honey) hit the spot thank you. Mmm the Pavs delish, what a sweety. I have a nice anzac bicky recipe I'll 🛴 some to you when I do a batch, maybe for next bbq, MH lovely friend really wants to get to the bbq so I might organise a special one for her and do yum rissolles too. She sounds good and it is very sad but at least we have a bit more time to enjoy

I think you do really love me beautiful lady, who'd go to the efforts you do and thank you for worrying about me, how loving. You have no idea how much light you give me dear Grandy and security. Thank you isn't near enough. Love the honey sweetheart good girl and you remember don't you

Destiny and Eternity are in my heart and thoughts. You too lady 💜

Please take good care sweet lovable lady 🌜💑🌛

🌜💜🌛

🌜🦄🌛

🌜💗🌛

[Ggrand]

Hello Dearest loveliest Deebi,

Awwe Deebi, I'm really sorry you might be going into a BP downer. Please honey , remember that it doesn't last and believe that it doesn't last and ...I'm always here for you sweetheart and that's because I love and care for you with my heart and soul....Okay Deebi, I/we will get you past this episode sweetheart and you will be looking back on it....Please Deebi believe....

The plane was checking for crops of weed etc, along with the electrical wires and damage done by the drought..moreso the first one.....

Love my 🚜 runs around the cafe, but ( sigh) not many interested in coming with me...I'm pleased you cherish our memories, I do as well, they are so magical at times, so caring and helful at times... all beautiful memories honey...🦄👼👩‍❤️‍👩.....

mmmmmm yummy Anzac biscuits...yummy, especially home made ones...I can't wait...🤗.. You're such a beautiful caring friend Deebi, your friend would love that so much, rissoles sounds yummy...Deebi, My heart truely is breaking. for your friend and you...always here for you sweetheart...

It makes me so happy that your starting to trust me and believe me when I say I love you... And my love for you goes deep inside me....Ditto back to you honey, your my light, my sunshine when I'm in the darkness...you always lead me back to the light. I'm so grateful and humbled My your friendship....

Destiny and Eternity,, 🐆🐅 are cute.. 😁 Love them so much..so much meaning with our friendship....💜🕊🕊🦄👼..

Please Deebi look after yourself as well..😚😌..

L🦄Ve. Y👼U...very much Sweet Deebi...

🌜🦄🌛...🌜👼🌛...🌜👩‍❤️‍👩🌛...

i hope you sleep well tonight sweetheart and tomorrow you have some light in your day...

👩‍❤️‍👩Grandy👼🦄....🕊🕊...🎁 Soon previous friend.😁😚😌..

[Ggrand]

Oh Deebi, geez I just checked my post...

should read last line..👩‍❤️‍👩Grandy👼🦄...🕊🕊...🎁.soon precious friend...

im sorry I didn't proof read before I posted it...😢...tch tch (shaking head)..sooowery

[demonblaster]

Hey ya petal 🌹 🤗 Got some hugs at Bbq and said to Mandy I took some of my advice and imagined a beautiful soul hug and it helped, maybe you too lovey 🤗

Was a good day Grandy not many there. Starting to get the bbq organised. We've got a nice plant sorted, I'm doing a card anothers doing a pretty shell frame anothers baking a choc slurp mudcake and everyone so fars happy to put a few little $ in towards food.

Thanks Grandy for your lovely comments. Yes we do always support eachother. You blow me away your ways of cheering me never fail and our cutey puddy tats what a touch. Beautiful addition and yes true more meaning 💜 Absolutely love your posts

Truths important in friendship and I apologise from my heart, I thought you were starting to pull away from me and felt less trust but please believe I know sometimes you need a break from here as long as you're ok and as we say something every couple of days aye like your brilliance with emojis. Oh can we change the tick to thumbs up, takes an age sometimes finding em. I do trust you darling and yes starting to believe 🤗 💗

Yeah I've noticed no takers for the zany 🚜.. trust me I'm 😂 this end.

😅 🐆🐅, they're too cute to have an identity crisis 😁. Oh Grandy I see them trying to bite and jumping across the room ohhhh come here little ones you need a huge cuddle and a lot of kisses ah ahh no bitey my nose..tch tch

Oh soz I can walk to this bbq spot, its on a reserve at a beach and or catch lifts.

Btw did I mention I love you dear friend 🌜💜💑💗🌛Sorry your bursitis has flared again huns ouch and I was going to say nigh nite at yours but these posts have taken a while so I'll catch you tomoz beautiful. I hope you sleep well and wake feeling stronger, remember you're so right, it's our thoughts

Nite darlin ☺

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB (waves to Grandy and all),

I loved what you said to Grandy:

Destiny and Eternity are in my heart and thoughts.

I thought that was really beautiful. The 2 of you have a wonderful friendship and share a mutual affection for each other 🙂

It sounds like yesterday was a day of mixed emotions. I think feeling up and down, especially in the one day, can maybe be a little exhausting. As always, you have great self insight into your own mood. I think it’s impressive that you keep track of it all...such determination....

Much love to you...

Super soul hugs,

Pepstar xoxo

[Birdy77]

Dear Deebs,

I am so very sorry to hear the news about your lovely friend, what a terrible shock. I think it's a beautiful idea for you to arrange a special gathering for her. I hope you will get to spend a lot of really precious times together.

Thank you so much for your beautiful reply to me here, and your gorgeous words to me over at Pepper's. I got a bit emotional last night and did a little (tiny) vent over there, but I ran out of characters and felt so bad afterwards, and I hadn't the chance to thank you. Your words to me were beautiful and meant a lot to me.

Wishing you a day filled with sunshine and light.

You are a really awesome person.

Love,

🌻birdy xo

[Ggrand]

Hello , Beautiful Deebi,

Thank you for your lovely post,it landed this morning..I love hearing from you and listening to your sweet voice this morning has made my day a better day..🦄😚..

Sounds like your BBQ is well organised...I often imagine soul hugs from you and others here, yes it does help Deebi,our imagination mixed with belief can make things possible...We have to learn to believe...like little children believe like we did when we were small children...👧

Oh no poor Deebi..😂😅 come here sweetheart I'll apprentice 👩‍⚕️ Your poor 👃...There there all bandaged up....No Please try not to 🤧to much..😁😂🤣..

Please don't apologise, Deebi..I will always care and love you, your in my thoughts daily truth, and your tucked away safely in my soul that means that just thinking of you makes my life better....I'm forever grateful of your friendship, love and care sweetheart...💜👼🕊🦄...

Thats okay with bursitis, Thank you for saying sorry...no one to blame except me..😕..

How are you feeling today precious friend? Deebi you would tell me if your down would you? I really hope so..🤗🕊

I hope your day is good sweetheart, if you have an out...I hope you enjoy it, if not an out Deebi, please honey be a good girl and take Destiny and Eternity onto the balcony while you sit out there with a cuppa and do some mindfulness. I pwomiss you will feel calmer and beasty will choof off while your outside with our kitties...


Love you Deebi..💜🦄👼🕊🤗...a bunch of beautiful 🌹 and a teddy 🐻 for a beautiful, cute, and special friend...


👩‍❤️‍👩Grandy👼..🦄🕊..

[demonblaster]

😆 yeah roight.. thanks previous friend 😂 was going to pay you out but thought nah I'll be a good girl... but that was yesterday 😁 bbl reply to your last lovely post Floss 🤗 💜

Peppy our dear gentle friend. How lovely of you to say, yes it's a beautiful friendship I so value and deeply appreciate. I know how you feel cause seeing the love with you and our darling little butterfly (love youse saying that) & our lovely Chooky (Sez) so nice seeing people close isn't it ☺

😁🍫..not one to Dobb but someone else was here before..🙄Ms innocent at your service

Yes these mixed emotions send ya sideways. In status later I have a couple of little wins 🏆

Perpetual appreciation for your solid support Pepstar 🤗 you really are a very caring understanding soul. Absolute pleasure to call you a friend.

Love always darl. Btw inside this boomer of a 🤗 includes 🕊

Ages ago I had part of your prezzy sorted and have another little addition but want it to be really special cause you're doing it so hard lovely one 🤗 sshh extra one 💗

Tweety you are very welcome darlin 🤗 you're the awesome hun. Always so happy reading your posts to people and myself. You so deserve that bouquet.

Glad you vented and completely understand geesh doubt if I'd be able to hold my tongue tho have had some experience in similar circumstances. Nearly finishes me holding back but always eventually comes out 😠Just unbelievable rot isn't it. Nothing to be sorry about as Peps said. Let it out honey 🤗 rot like that festers if we don't find outs.

My heart filled with more love for you when you dropped off a sack of love for Peps and the number stuff at Mandys, you're a real sweet Birdy. Adore you xx

Thanks so much for everything and about friend dammit! The reason I wanted to wing around her was she's so vulnerable and broken. God now look what she's up against. I'd like to palliative nurse her if she wants but not sure if my back could handle but I hope to contribute to her last wks/mths being happy and having some peace before she leaves. Bugger it! 😢

Love to you all seriously you guys make such a difference, everyone here not just this thread

🤗😚💗🌹

[demonblaster]

Grandy ☺🤗 you're Gold darl seriously

STATUS/BP DAY 4.

Absolutely Grandy you wanting to know means the world 💗

Was doing what I love and suddenly became aware that my mood plummeted. Hasn't dragged me deep but not particularly good.

Be a shame if thats it for mania but I need to keep it tame damn it. Reluctantly settle for that if the downs aren't so deep. I've heard before & here the higher the up the harder the downs Dunno, stands to reason but last episode was a shorter mania, savage Blacks and lasted a long time.

I feel more confident going into this since breaking through the few strongholds before.

Felt disconnected yesterday arvo after walking did breathing/relax, looking at 3D of things listening to sounds. After I felt not exactly out of it or outta body but not in my head if that makes sense, slightly down didnt want to go home so more grounding looking appreciating surrounds feeling cool air Wolfy and after bout 15 mins kinda got it together. Wasn't pleasant but not harmful either don't think

A few mood drops too yesterday. Distraction and positive thoughts pulled through maybe mania helped, my mind was more open to mindfulness and caught thoughts before they took hold.

Oh yeah in mania managed EVENTUALLY to sleep without sleeper. Couple plus hrs it took and 😆Got to Zero twice I think with counting, mind wandered a few times but I go back to last number I remember or start again. Minds ON not pumped but that's a mammoth achieve. Not sure if I'll try tonight feeling stuffed already. IT feeds on tired ? Sugar increase mania??? Might trial that some time

The episodes are getting closer together but at least even baby progress is still improves. Just gotta use mania to help.

Thanks listening

Love you very much Grandy 💑💜🌹