Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hi sweet thank you for your always heart felt posts. Bbl

Absolutely exhausted if I didnt need headache meds I'd be very tired but not in a heap. Feel exhaustion in thighs. Quicky now in case I dont get back later going to sleep dunno how long. Still headache mongrel but my body needed to come down so blessing in disguise

Thanks guys xx

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I really hope your headache has left you or at least eased off a little...

I understand about status updates...its okay,

luv u ..💜🤗.

Grandy..

[Doolhof]

Hi Deebi,

Hope you are feeling a lot better today! Headaches can be very debilitating. Do you know what triggers yours and what helps to reduce their impact?

Wishing you all the best, cheers from Dools.

[PamelaR]

Hi Deebi

It's been awhile. Things have slowed a little for me, so I'm on the task of catching up with how everyone is going.

Sorry to hear you have a headache and that your last bout of mania lasted for as long as it did.

While I don't post here much anymore, please know you're always in my thoughts. You're one of the strong ones and I love your encouragement and positivity Deebi.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[demonblaster]

Always so appreciative of your support thanks guys

Headaches slight in background not enough to med thanks. Dools they reckon from neck. (4 GP's over the yrs) had CT brain scan & carotid (arteries in neck) ultrasound all good. Had some unusual blanks & worse memory in BP for a while couple yrs ago ish (similar to dementia) so he checked it out. Both Good and it passed was still in heavy grieving. Frightening but hasnt returned.

Exhausted typical recovery. Would happily not out tonight but obliged to & havent for so long except last wk.

Working on status.

Few struggles but holding. Normal recovery.

Goin to try & get couple hrs sleep, have to.

Got times mixed up for psych. Bussed in. She was ok & she'd texted yesterday. Usually not bad with appointments.

Few days ago I came back into room and a whole durry had burnt out phew in ashtray. Usually so careful, get so damned tired.

Slacked off again new group that I love how they do it but people being bloody people, AGAIN another had a go at friends memory issue AGAIN I stuck up for him (she I don't think was there when I spoke up). Didnt lose my cool but said it's ok, we could have reminded him. Slacks me off. She's an increibly negative person and yes I know she has problems but no one seems to take into consideration that clearly that's one of his issues. HATE seeing people being picked on.

This is what I'm talking about people dumping their rot on others. She's got nice parts, don't know her much but..

At this point in recovery I'd rather coccoon for a while (nothing with meds) it's mostly exhaustion now. Tonights where I get given flak. The bloke from last weeks crap comment I'm probably going to say something and did at the time. Nearly swore hard then, over their shit! Going to be reacting but prefer not to how I am atm.

Pammy good to see you, think about you, miss you but understand completely

🤗

[Guest8901]

Hi DeeBee, and thanks for your latest update.

Sorry to hear that your headache is persisting, albeit in a reduced capacity. I hope you've been able to catch up on some more sleep, which should also help with the headache.

Oh dear, now that is very disappointing about the bullying (?) issue rearing its head again at your new MH group. Should never happen anywhere, but I would have thought at a specialist MH group it simply would not happen. Again, good on you for sticking up for the your friends memory issue. Poor fellow. And well done to remain cool under such difficult circumstances. I too really hate to see anyone picked on, it goes right alongside cruelty in my opinion. Inexcusable. I guess this particular lady just doesnt realise what she's doing.

Here for you to vent any time you wish. I dont often have any solutions like some of the others here, but I'm always very happy to listen. And if I have any decent ideas, I will put them forward.

Sending you through some love, care and a big hug.

Mandy 🌺

[demonblaster]

Thanks dear Mandy love what you say and how always have.

Yeah it's just wrong and thats one of the things I said first time around about being a support group. Not sure if why but one of the culptits hasnt returned but could be any reason. Slacks me off.

I'm logging off in a mo, need to allow my body to come down more, no probs tonight the other main stirrers werent there. I get on with them both and one I fight back, the other I did often at poker and am going to pick my time with him.

Read your last post, have been and want to reply but not tonight so I'll note the date. Care very much about you Mandy 🤗

Friend then Dr tomoz. Right now I can't think why I'm seeing him. Good on me 😆 scripts but ? Else

See you tomoz at yours lovey, thanks that I can vent, really appreciate that. 🤗😚

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB (and all),

I think you have this beautifully innate sense of fairness and compassion. I suppose that’s why you don’t like seeing people being picked on in your MH group, and will stand up for people. You’re a very caring and special person 🙂

It must have been very upsetting to see the man being picked on for his memory problems. If anything, a compassionate approach would have been patience towards him...it’s not his fault that he struggles with his memory.

I think it sounds good that you’re allowing your body to rest because it seems like you need it. Rest can be helpful for healing...

Sending cuddles..the super soul variety...

Much love,

Pepstar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hey Peps🌟

Thank you always dear friend you're very kind.

Yeah especially in a specific MH group being about support. Daghh gets my gander up and he's a really lovely bloke too. Known him a while before the groups.

I want to read again (have couple of times your narrative posts & with our lovely Sez but for now getting as much sleep as po. Still very tired.

Super special cuddles back atcha hun 🤗☺

Really hope you're doing well or at least better. I'll pop into your threads when I'm back on deck fully. Atm doing randoms and of course our beautiful Grandy.

Hope your w/e is good hun and you get a chance to unwind and relax.

🕊

[demonblaster]

Status day 7 off meds. BP day 34

Emotional which is to be expected being so bloody tired. Sleeping better with 2/3 wee wakes then back sleep.

Worn out, the nags seem to have backed off today just kinda average although feel my strength coming back daily. Pretty sure normal happies will return when I fully catch up sleep maybe 2/4 more good nights. Hit deep exhaustion this one being longer. No allniters tho 2 manias. They alone take it outta you.

Not sure although I WILL & started a bit working on sleep patterns, I like what was said in Doolsys sleep thread about getting up when we wake and calculating how much sleep we need etc. I'm fine in betweens its during mania moreso any patterns go out the window, even in hypomania I'm lucky to get sleep, no issues with sleepers except mostly I try not to have them at least immediately, other times I just have them, don't get near enough but at least a few hrs depending how pumped I am. Sometimes up to 6/7 hrs other times 4/5 ish. Always wake early. One day I hope to figure or find out how to sleep without meds.

Feel no different to any other recoop after BP. I usually don't jot down when I'm recovered so previous entries probs take couple to few more days.

Working at random on status a little more detailed for later

Thanks listening ☺👍