Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Birdy77]

Dearest Deebs and every beautiful person in here ❤

The gorgeous Pepper has said it all just perfectly.

The perfect thing about your always wonderful posts is that they are from the heart, they are full of empathy and beautiful compassion.

I think that is what most people need. They want someone to hear and acknowledge them. To know they're not on their own in their pain.

They don't need someone to fix them, just someone to be gentle and listen and really hear them. And that is exactly what you do.

So please do not doubt the value of your presence and your posts.

Pepper's last paragraph was absolutely perfect:

"So my more than “good enough” friend, you’re beautiful and wonderful. Caring and kind. Loving and smart. Bold and daring. You’re one incredible demon blaster ;)"

Thank you Deebs for being you. We all love you.

🌻birdy

[Ggrand]

Good morning lovely people,

I hope everyone's day is a good day today..

Deebi, both Peppy and Birdy have said beautiful and truthful posts to you...Can you Please believe these words spoken to you...

Im not sure if you have an out today,if you do please enjoy it and good friends make a great day...xx💚..

Love you Deebi 💚🕊👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩,,,love you all..🦄 🍀 🌻 =💜🤗🕊..

Grandy...

[Guest8901]

Hi Deebs. Few words right now, but with regards to your posts being helpful ... I have posted to you on my thread, so I wont repeat it here. Just want you to know I value you, and your posts, very very much.

Hope you're okay. Hi also to everyone else who posts here. I've not been posting to other threads much lately, or all sorts of reasons. But I am reading and watching over you all in my heart. Miss you all.

Amanda

[demonblaster]

🤗 you're all beautiful supportive lovely friends, thank you and Mandy too in case I forget to reply. Bbl on that one ☺

Wide awake 3 a.m. Got 5 ish hrs solid. Back bed about 6 or after. Geez how many times I woke and without conscious thought a series of down thoughts just slammed each time, not sure how I stopped or worked through oh yeah one I said to myself they're my thoughts I don't want them. Geesh be over already!

Really struggling today. Think I'll just do a hard cry and let all this crap out. I keep thinking how I got through those really bad hards but IT's wanting to pull me down. Helps knowing it'll pass.

Trying to organize syrinx (csf fluid) appointment. Rude cow I rang other day it didnt matter what I tried to say in midst of BP she would NOT listen and clearly didnt pass on info to postpone for financial reasons. She was an ignorant blaghh, didnt get stoppy but was trying to get points across. 😤

Need to do dishes that are not quite touching the ceiling 😆 cook lunch take these calls walk and reason with my head and shoo shoo beasty. It's stubborn SO AM I! Its just dirty cause it didnt get me before. Sounds kooky I know but I find it easier to see it as a separate, Starwolf the same.

I feel once I'm through this I'll be normal happy again just feeling pretty boody average atm. Can talk and joke still, I guess when they go then it's a worry.

My resolves stronger but not quite full yet. Enough tho to be making improves. I'm SO close at times to cracking this mutt. The answers are a hair away but apart from that epiphany in mania it keeps eluding me but I'm starting to learn more how to use mania so just not give up I spose.

Sick of this crap

Thanks loves, really 🤗😚

[Ggrand]

Dearest Deebi,,🦄..

Deebi,,,


Decided to be a Demonblaster as well as Sweet Deebi.

Everything about Deebi and Demonblaster is beautiful,🌹

Emotions of love are deeply embedded in your soul😇

Beautiful you have such a big beautiful 💜heart and soul,😇
Inner and eternally grateful 🙏for your love 💜and care🤗 .


I won't give up on you Sweet Deebi, I'm coming 🚜 to yours now, I have with me Deendy,🐍, her 🔥 a 🌪 to get that fire burning and your Demonblaster 🔫 blaster..after we blaster 👿, 🔫 we can use these ⛓then we can use this 💣.. Deebi, honey you can do this...

When we think about [IT] xx and I also look at, it as seperate from me, something that just took residence in my body without my Okay, and I'm trying to evict it. But it's so stubbornly, It is only thoughts..

Like everything else beasty needs food or nourishment to grow and expand...beasties food is our thoughts that he changes to negatives and feeds itself to grow and before we every recognise a thought was preset...we are 😢😭..WE HAVE GOT TO STOP IT EARLY, before he takes hold and does this 😭 to us....remember happy thoughts makes 👿 run away...

Going back to thoughts..Deebi, just a gentle reminder.."

There are 4 parts to our thought pattern..
Thought..original first thought.
High thought... next the 2nd part of a thought.
Argument... the 3rd part of the thought.
Stronghold...the 4th part of our thought..

Thoughts..." become "high thoughts" preoccupying or dominant thoughts.."high thoughts" become "Arguments". They resist wisdom and challenge you logic ...Then these "Arguments"...become "Stronghold" which causes a vice like grip in your thoughts and will build a destructive stronghold around your mind and stop you in your tracks..


Please Deebi, Be okay...I love you unconditionally...💜🌹🤗🕊..
Waves to all the other wonderful people here..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy 👼🕊

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Im just checking up on you, I did post around 2ish hasn't landed 🛬 yet..But on a lighter note...

I love washing up Deebi...Let me do yours for you, come on you sit down over their Deebi and have a nice fruit salad, jelly and custard... I know I put too many bubbles in the sink but the hot water and bubbles on my hands 🖐🤚🖐 ( ooo I got three hands). are so relaxing, then I have a body bath sponge that I used to wash up..it gets really soapy, and I start with glasses, I wash them until I can play squeaky 🎶 with them,Then plates I do the same, but the whole time I'm really mindful of all the bubbles 💦💦 and hot soapy water...ooops...ooops...oh..no..Deebi...loL,😂🤣 ... I 🤧 sneezed and bubbles have gone all over the floor..and me...My doggies 🐕🐩 (geez everything faces the wrong way)..are chasing the bubbles everywhere...😂 ...you can't stop 😂 at them slipping and sliding everywhere..🤣😁...oops,,there you go...now you're covered in bubbles and my 🐩🐕 dogies love washing soapy faces and arms...😁😅😅,,Oh look at you Deebi, 🤗👼 your so squeaky clean...🌹..how did you enjoy washing up Deebi...

Now what's happened I have a line under my writing...wow Deebi..look how straight my line is when I'm typing...😁..I like this line...this is fun.. 💼. .Look Sweetheart...🚜....🛴....we got a road for our transportation...race track,,here we come...I'll race you round the BB Cafe tonight..

Love you Deebi..🌹💜.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..🕊

[demonblaster]

You are all truly beautiful kind souls. I'm honestly not sure where I'd be, if I'd be if it wasn't for here.
Deepest thanks for your kindness and enormous support good people. (( x )) eternal gratitude.

Mandy sweetheart I did see that and thank you so much, you wouldn't know but I thumbed and think I caught up last night. I'll jump in tonight and see you sweet thing xx

Girls I really appreciate what you've said but the confidence through no ones fault here has plummeted but I'll get it back. I just have to get some sort of control over my head first. These days I can barely read other posts in BP. I'll do the odd one when I'm "normal". Talking one on one completely different. Sometimes I'm happy with what I've said but SO damned far to go yet. I'll stop here, pretty fragile apparently still.

Thank god pulled through again, that was horrid. Was so damned down. Couldn't even cry, had a couple of sprinkles, bit like your rain Grandy. Threatening but just a sprinkle.
Walked, got more fags, now cutting myself short for shopping. I'll be ok this f.night.

Got the calls sorted, thought of you Grandy doing dishes and the warmth/bubbles. lol doggies. Usually I'm on top of them but in BP pffttt doesn't matter, they get done later. Not worth stressing over.

Thought I was on the way outta this mutt but clearly beasty has other ideas for me. Huh, it's trying but I'm trying harder and winning. Not getting to the crunch but at least it's not holding me down,Learning

Grandy you're so beautiful and in Pearls (( xx )) You crack me up chooky :D. How beautiful you saying unconditionally, my darling did too. He really was/is a sweet heart with way too much crap health but he just kept going which is what I have to I guess. Pffttt.

I'm not worried overly atm but I want to help CC's answer posts to news but baby steps. I could do more if this mutt left me alone for any decent periods of time. Anyhoo it is what it is and I'm making good progress thanks to here and you're amazing support people. Heart

Grandy I love you very much lady. Thank you for our awesome time.
All of you, you're beautiful people who deserve happiness and peace.

Much care x

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I won't stay long, I'm sure ive talked to much today, my poor finger need some TLC..😂...Just wanted to call in and say good night sweetheart..sleep well and dream good dreams so 👿 will shoo shoo away tonight....Love you very much as well sweet Deebi...

Good Night..

Good night sleep tight,

Stay warm all night,

Sweet dreams of peace

Will be beastys release

He runs from Love

Slap him with a glove,

Shoo shoo away now beasty.

so we can dream so sweetly,

We will wake in the morning,

For the beautiful dawning,

With a smile on our face,

Cause beasty lost this race

It's my new day it's your new day,

It's the earths new day,

and everyone's new day..

Let's fill our day with love,

From our very own peace dove...

lots of 🤗 hugs,

Good Night Everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Hi lovely people 🌹

That was beautiful Grandy thank you very much 🦄 you have quite a knack.

Hope your days a good one hun with way less pain mentally and physically 🕊

Thank you again for your lovely post in pearls 🤗 you're a beautiful friend.

I emailed a friend about some stuff and feeling a bit disloyal but I think it's good to shed. I have every reason to unconditionally love because they were beautiful and did everything possible to make my life as good as they could.

So much more life rot I'd like to shed but I guess its for psych.

longer sleep finally. Going back to bed still needing so much more.

Good days everyone 🤗

Grandy hope you feel much better and managed sleep. You're such a lovely friend ☺🤗

Lots of love 💜💑🌹

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB (and a wave to all),

Oh DB, I feel sad that your confidence has been shaken and that you’re filled with self doubt...

Beasty sounds particularly vicious at the moment. It must be so difficult having to wrestle the downs so often...that would be very exhausting. But I have faith though that eventually you’ll manage your mood...it might take more time than usual but you’ll get there. You always do...

I think it’s beautiful that you want to help answer new posts. Really and truly. Now, I don’t want to sound like I’m going on and on about this. So I’ll simply suggest this: perhaps try not to overthink your posts and just write from the heart. That’s all you (or anyone else) needs to do in my opinion....

Super soul hugs and much love,

Pepstar xoxo