Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

That's how it rolls. 2 friends left msg other not there.

Not needing helpline. Like you said I'll hold out till tomoz. Just wanna unload. Bit scared for what's ahead. 🤗💜

[Ggrand]

Hey honey, try to relax, you can't not sleep, you'll go down harder. Please try to breathe and sink into your cloud soft mattress.

New psychiatrist New diagnosis..better you know, thennif meds, maybe you won't come down as hard or low..Worth a try Deebi.

Its better Deebi, it really is if you can come here and even if you can't talk just write something anything down even if it Just the word Booo...it does help, I know takes ages for post, but you don't post, all you do is write your thoughts in here, just get them out, by one.. eg:- feeling sad, so angry atm...just get them out...Maybe this will help you cope.

You make perfect sense honey, love is so strong in mania and normal, even downs for me, but others in down, not so much.....I understand you..👂 Are you sure your okay Deebi, you can talk here, I'm not doing nothing just sitting here, talking to you..I wished I had your phone #, I wouldn't let you go until I knew your okay.

Your diagnosis is just about spot on my labels...The hardest one for me to manage is C-PTSD...it takes me down before I even know what's happened, and boy do I ever go low...Scarey lows...geez I hope you don't have that..I'm the same, OCD? I think I have that, not diagnosed but yeah...I'll tell you why I think another day..I research a lot of Mental Health Illnesses now, just to know, what others are going through..it helps to understand them.

I tried my bed last night, I never slept there...I ended up only staying a little while in bed, then back to the lounge..but I stayed for a while..I'll try again tonight.. I need sleep.

close your eyes and just visualise yourself sitting in the water facing the ocean on the end of the beach, feel the sensation of the ebb flow, just lay gently down now, you won't sink your laying on a floating cloud, the next wave will lift your cloud and you to be floating and gently rocking with the water, up gently..down gentle, rocking slightly as your moving with the energy of the water, still floating you hear,the sounds of whales way over their in the distance, far enough that the decibels from the whales singing, does something to your brain, it's like it's been emptied of everything except the sounds of the whales, and the ocean, you still rocking with the water .the sun warming your body, just total relaxation, you can sleep there tonight on the ocean cloud floating bed if you feel to. Your safe hun, my Wings are around you protecting you..always.👼.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩L&C💜 🦄

Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Lovely newish friend rang back from MH groups we phone a bit. She's lovely and it helped, we're there for eachother 👍then some time with a friend. Hope the other ones ok. Pretty tired bed soon.

As we know alone times can be rough on occasions. If this is the worst it gets I'm getting there, no picnic, not over yet. Nxt couple wks will tell. Insane cutting mania short - shaking head 😐 not happy Jan bout that one! at all but the downs are to severe to keep going through.

This psych uses 3 second breathing excercises, I'm sticking with saying relax on exhale, told her about that 💜 After each breath look around at things ⚘ see the 3D & light on them etc then on 3rd listening for sounds as well (Wolfy) which I've been doing both. Opens neural pathways. Liking it.

Was aiming to stay a night with family soon but depends how this goes.

👀 hanging out lovelies

Good night ☺

Grandy caught up at yours. Love darlin 💜💑

[startingnew]

Hi DB

Lots is happening for you it seems! Im glad there have been some good moments but im sorry your struggling quite alot. I dont have cycles like you and Grandy so dont really understand that part of it but i do hope tour at least okish.

Sitting with you xoxox

[Ggrand]

Ah Deebi, I'm pleased you spoke to someone tonight, what a lovely friend she is to ring you back...

Yes alone time Deebi, they can be very overwhelming at times, we have to find things to do..Awe honey I know how good would our lives be having mania all the time...I'm sorry sweetheart you cutting mania short but the downs are hard Deebi, we have to try not to get so low..

Well done doing your breathing exercises,and yourcsaying relax, I find that it really relaxes me when I do my breathingbthat way..I'm proud of you that you try so hard..you don't give in.. 🦄 .

Hang in there Sweet Deebi, you can do this, your stronger then beasty..You got your secret weapon if beasty pushes you to hard..we will get Demonblaster out, then her 🔫...oops always pointing the wrong way..then we will blast beasty and we will get beasty and down him...😤..

Sleep well Deebi, love you, 💜🌹..

Okay going to try sleep again..

Nite nite ⭐️..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Thanks hun.. really. Goes for everyone 🤗 knowing you're here and can talk means the world 😢

New MH friend that I put my wings around (wings friend) we're there for eachother & ph: a fair bit. Easier cause she gets it than friends without MH issues. Shes rung a few times its reciprocated which is great. Other will feel bad she missed call but it's ok & shes always there but can't fully dump on her & others

Loving the words release. Will do in deeps.

Awesome water thank you (ty) 🤗 I do one similar in meditations. Need to habit daily meditation

Slept solid till 2.30am didnt realise until I nearly finished post to you took nearly 2 hrs but woke with heavies happening couldn't get back to sleep so came here, wanted to support you & helped me too. Plz don't feel bad about that it was my choice 🤗

Starts thanks sweety SLD ☺ when I'm better I'll be back hope it's getting at least a bit easier on you 😙🤗

G re c-ptsd from your research 👍💡on.Thought it was beasty. I need to research more. Again it's the doing but I WILL get through this bloody motivation block. If I can work out why

What just happened I'm stoked with this progress. Wasn't in a good place but could pull up around people. Tho unintentional it wasn't good at all. After talking to Wings friend I am going to discuss this with them. Thought about it but didn't impulse yay. Wasn't going to say cause it hurt & potentially hurt them too. 1 person hurting as opposed to ? 3 but it'll probs happen again so needs addressing. As a result although phew luckily didnt take me down did quiet and dull the occasion dramatically. Untold goods too tho. Aware of depression seeing things differently. This was very valid

Learning more lateral thinking

• First down thought
• Think at least one other possible reason

I did several times. Helped me accept it better ☺ there's hope. If I can keep applying it through this I might get through ok

Woke up 2.30am, now after nearly 6.30am. 2 posts. Thanks Grandy I will try as you suggested next time.You're so right about sleep.

Proofed about 10 times lol if repeats or ? don't care 😆

💜💑👂🏻👀🛒

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB (and all),

Your new friend sounds great! I’m so glad you have each other; there seems to be a genuine mutual understanding, which is wonderful.

I admire how determined you are to get your mental health back on track with your research, reaching out to your new friend, posting here (when it helps your mental health) and thinking of new coping strategies.

It sounds like you need to have a difficult but necessary conversation soon. I hope it goes well for you...cheering you on...

Super soul hugs and much love

Pepstar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Thanks lovely Peppy ☺ but remember the star part always applies 😚 you're another solid. Always appreciate your support.

Save repeating individually I will get back to you lovelies threads. I know there's no pressure to but am sorry not to be there for youse. In these times it's taken a while but best to do what I'm doing just here and Grandy and occasional others depending on mood and time. Failed doing other things instead of here and also social bits but it's about getting into new routine I guess.

No point going back to bed cause have to get up soon 😆 😣

Grandy in reply to how am I thanks asking, theres been some hards but overall coping at this stage. The reason I logged on was because I was in a heavy on waking and couldnt get back to sleep. Only going by past experience tho I'm trying to change mindset within the next 2 wks will be the telling but am hopeful with what I've been doing and Learning.Doolsy once mentioned if we can catch the thought before it takes us lower, true. I'm starting to at least realise yikes going down then working on it. So far working.

Reason I came back now was aware of this but haven't till now applied it much. Was struggling the other day even in mania forced myself against beasties wishes to walk furthur for distraction. Didnt plan to do bb stuff. Was doing mindfulness looking around observing remembering etc ended up a couple hrs writing things for here (new threads for later) etc so helped with distraction and for here eventually I hope too. Out of house too so going to continue doing it whether a book (self help) drawing or coping mechanisms that I was working on too. Of course being in mania ended up with a few pages 😂

Got talking to a lady one. From a self help book which helped me as it was fresh in my mind.

Down Thought.

• Think about the reason
• Then think about that reason
• Then think about that reason

So that'd be promoting lateral thinking too. Depression closes our minds, thank god there's ways to open it.

Have a good day guys.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Thank you for your last two threads,myou have helped me today, I used your way of thinking...🤗.

Loving your Wings friend, we do need these beautiful people people in our lives..and if we're lucky enough to find them, we should treasure them so much..as I know you do,

I really popped in to wish you luck with your my guy today, I'm really so very proud of you for posting when you are doing it really hard, It is a distraction, but at the same time, because you help and support someone, you are telling beasty, I'm not listening to you, and I think the downs don't last as long because by being here on bb and talking..your mindset is changed from being held a prisoner who feels defeated by beasty, to someone who is trying to escape its prison and its clutches...well done...You have already helped me this morning...I felt sad by darts being cancelled, I read your posts a few times and asked my thoughts about the reason, then thought again about it and then again...it helped. Thank you..still sad but not as sad..

Not sure Deebi, but do you as I'm beginning to think lack of motivation is because there no one with us to say, well done, good job, show our accomplishments to, or to talk about them to , some one to give us a gentle push or a hard shove..or to help us if we need help? I don't know just my thoughts.. Maybe silly thoughts but I'm looking for my motivation and self satisfaction as well...

Anyway, sweetheart, I'm doing fine and just wanted to say hello, and wish you good with your My guy, and I hope your day is a good day...love you very much Deebi 🤗💜🦄..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Sweet Deebi,

How did your day go today?

How are you feeling?

I stay in today..it was and still is cold and windy.. Darts was cancelled, so I thought why not just stay inside, Oops my gp rang me, said I had an appointment today ..I don't never make appointment for anything unless it's a Tuesday...She was not happy, so I appointed with her next Tuesday,,,I do have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Thursday, because that's the only day he can come out west 😂,

Im really hoping you're okay sweetheart, please look after yourself and be good to you 💜...maybe a couple of showers a day if you can and feel like it, water on the head you like and it's relaxing for you.....

Thoughts and the way you think are important Deebi, Try to think positives only...shoo...shoo...shooo...shooof the beasty away....Don't listen to it..get out the extraordinary Demonblaster 🔫 Turn it around and squirt.....squirt......squirt.....squirting 👿 it.....away.....You're doing a really good job..and I'm so very proud of you....maybe some beautiful pan flute tonight before bed plus you water meditation..🤗💜..Here for you.

.love you very much..💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹..Please bo okay Deebi..

Bbl...

Love ang hugs..💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..