Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Sweetheart one day you'll be able to do things. Try not to get upset and think about what you've achieved, going to darts is a boom and you have done some walks. You'll get there in your own time, don't pressure yourself honey (thank you love that 😚)

I feel exactly the same about you lovey 💜💑 adore you 🤗

Oh I do love our time 💗🕊

Mmm bit suss on the loose choccies I must say especially that I super glued all my pockets, 😶 embarrassing walking around with pockets stuck to my fingers. Wow it's 💪glue isnt it.

Oh no lovey don't feel bad not being able to 🚴‍♀️ I'm sure I saw one in your 💼

Oh your famous bag. Oh..oh.. 😂

No no thanks my bottoms fine, just a couple of stitches and a bandaid. Took a while to get the gravel out. Have to sit sideways but all good I turned the TV on it's side.

Ohhh 😅 poor 🐘 Ellie, she looks cute in her sheet 😅 At least she didn't chip her toenail polish.

Enjoy Lord of the rings lovey ☺ yes I spent ages in bed too. Hear the non motivation.

Haha so you pwoomise aye 🤗 ok I'll bring it out for after the movie.

Neighbours loss babe. So no 💧again bumma.

Been quiet lately with people outs but going ok, had a busy 3 wks and got bbq coming up nxt wk and new mh group. As Peps said good to have some down time too.

Love you very much sweet loving friend. Thank you for everything 💡🤗😚💜💗💑 You get better darlin and you are so welcome hun ☺💗

nigh nite beautiful. 🎩🤣 sleep well darl 😊

[Ggrand]

Good morning, my special sunshine Deebi,

Thank you Deebi, but I feel it's taking to long. 🤦‍♀️..

How are you today?

Its still overcast here, I checked the rain metre we got...wait ...for...it....1 mil of rain. Whooppie....

ummm. I seen them fall out of your pockets....lol there too full there spilling out the top...😂😂...

I got my 💼 out and put on my thinking 🎩 then...put some ⛓⛓ around 🎁 Then lifted it up by 🚁..about 1 metre off the ground..then while the present is dangling in mid air...I got 2 🚂 one coming from each direction, then ....WHAMMMM, BAMMMM, BANGG, ...wait...running over to have a look...puff...pant..puff...wait here it is.....moving broken 🚂 pieces..yippie .got it...😭😭 Oh no..Deebi...it's not even scratched...😱..🐾

My elderly friend asked me to dog sit for a few days, some family emergency. But will be okay...3 dogs sheez, friends dog is one of my puppies I gave her, now I have mum and 2 daughters, for a few days..🙄😳..

I hope your okay honey, if you want company today, you can come mine and play with these 3 little 🐒..ooops dogs 🐶 🐩🐕..Lol I got 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾all over my house now..🐾

Yummy BBQ this coming Tuesday, that's good, I know how much you enjoy that and the company.. only 3 more sleeps 😴 😂🤣..🍗🌭🌯🍰🍩...yummy.

I hope your day is good 😊 and your 😁...and your inner ☀️ shine, is with you today...Love you special Friend...💜🌹👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🎁🎩💼.....😚🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

🤗&🙋 everyone, also I wish you a good day as well..

Love and Care....

[startingnew]

Morning DB Grandy Peps and everyone.

Wishing you all a loveley day 🌻❣

[demonblaster]

Hi darlin what a lovely greeting and post as always 🤣

Oh dear I see you're having a couple of problems there. That's such a shame but must say I like your ingenuity. Keep at it lovey the entertainments off the scale 😂

I know darl but it's achievable. Baby steps lovey. You'll get there.

☺1 ml whoop whoop but it's 1 more than yous had I guess. Geesh it'd be hard, we take it for granted here.

Roight gunna have to use my 🛒 equivalent to your 💼 mmm might cover 🍫 with same as your pressy 🐥

Wow you're going to busy with all your little cutey 🐒 lol 🐶 Family of doggies how gorgeous, wonder if they know

Remembered a friend we're going for a drive and lunch at markets tomoz haven't heard from her so not sure if its still on

Grandy spending too long in bed, lazy I guess. No motivation. Ok mentally just existing but not unhappy. How are you?

Love you darlin 💜💑💗🕊🤗💡🍫🎩

SLD hope your days good too hun. Thanks 🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Sweet Deebi,

I read at mine your a little 😢 Today and you feel kinda empty. Can you ring one of your beautiful friends or your mil when you feeling like that...poor darling I know that feeling only to well, Please be alright Deebi 💜.. Shoo beasty away, think him outta your thoughts, if that makes sense...Please be okay..💜..

I think they do know, they are nice to watch, the sisters are playing together while mum is watching, a couple of time mum has growled at them, their cute but Deebi, it's really hard looking after someone else's treasured pet, I'm on edge all the time in case something happens to Bindi..

Can you ring your friend to see if it's still on tomorrow or will you just wait for tomorrow to come...I hope she doesn't forget but if she does honey, please don't be too upset..

Deebi, the no motivation, staying in bed, that's me as well...no not lazy, probably like me can't be bothered to get up because there's nothing to do...Please Deebi, don't fall into the habit of doing this, the longer we lay in bed, the more time beasty has to get a hold of us because we are idle not distracting ourselves.. it's to spend a day every so often in bed...but just not to many...

Ill be at your tonight honey, you need me here, I'll go home first and come back later on with some goodies and maybe a nice bottle of Tia Maria..For now relax, put your feet up.. I'm cooking some yummy fish and vegetables tonight for you ..Remember I'm still holding you hand and my Wings are holding on to you as well..im not letting you go..

bbl..

Love you my dear friend💜🌹..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi,

Im a little late with dinner,but I had a bit of a 😢 When you said at mine you just wanted to see me...then you gave me a long hug...I needed the hug and it brought me down a little but I'm okay again now..

I made some yummy whiting fish fillets spiced up with lemon. Ginger, salt . Pepper and turmeric just a dash...and some steamed, carrots, broccoli, Brussel sprouts, cauliflower,peas,corn,beans and snow peas, although not many snow peas, I like was eating them after I washed them..lol...

Hun do you know what's made your a little 😢 today? .Can I help? I don't like it when your not good good...I bought my fluffy musical huggly hugger beddy time huggly bear for you😁😚🙃..Hug her huggly tigh and music players from her...music box music....

Dont you let beasty take a hold of you Deebi, your stronger then [IT] xx..Please be okay honey....🤗

Always remember how amazing you are and no matter what you put your mind towards you can succeed, you can achieve your want....I know that you’ll have good days and bad days, and I'm hoping that with our help that your good days will far out number your bad days...🌹

Ok honey, time for you to go nite nights now..Ive got in my 💼 some heat packs that Ive sewn Velcro on, join them together and it's as long as you want it to be, put it behind you to keep your back and body nice and warm...I'll put the pan flute on for you, turn the light off, light some scented candles, and just gently comb your hair with my special head massaging brush, it tingles the head as I brush it...Sleep now sweetheart, I'll see you tomorrow sometime.. Im in your spare bed if you need me..Please don't be afraid to talk to me if you need to, 😚 I'm here all night and not far away from the forums....😁

Sleep well lovelies, Dream sweetly, and always remember to Be kind and gentle to yourselves, because you are all worth it..💜🤗🤗.

L💜VE, and C🤗RE, so very much for you Deebi..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy.....xx

[demonblaster]

What a lovely friend you are Grandy thank you so much ☺

I'm ok thanks hun was teary at times yesterday, probs overslept, boredom (yes) put on weight daghh, givin up durries, not walking but ok darlin not down 😚 Hope you're doing ok lovey and with luck your glands are settling. Hoping your getting enough rest.

Agree not making habit of this. Hey I did do the bike yesterday for a few minutes, gotta good sweat up. Will today too hope. Would like to walk.

Tea was lovely thanks sweety and how gorgeous Huggly. She's very clever and so cuddly. 😅 oh your 💼 hey those heat packs made me feel good thinking about them down my back. Loven the head massage with your special brush. Thanks for staying with me and looking after me so well. You're a real treasure dear friend. Like honey sweetheart has a warmth and comfort thanks 🌹☺ Pan flute and candles all so soothing. You've got 🦄 in you Glady 🤗

L💜VE, and C🤗RE for you darlin very much always.

Please take really good care

Thank you Grandy for everything 😊🤗

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi,

I'm really sorry I haven't been in to talk to you today...I have missed you a lot, i didn't want to bother you with how I'm feeling today...it will pass. I'm not doing to good today..I'll hopefully be better tomorrow,.

I'm looking in my 💼 for something to make my tears go away then I found this..🦄🐥🐣🐧🐬🌲🍄🌟⭐️🛴🛒..our fun times to think about..Thank you very much for them..Oh..Oh...Oh...some more..🌹💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗💅💍💄👀👂👣👭👒👗...Love you Deebi thank you sweetheart for everything you've done and do for me..

L💜Ve and c🤗Re..xx

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Guest8901]

Good morning Deebs - Just letting you know I'm still here 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 still watching over you 👀and always listening 👂.

I've really missed being able to interact with you, Karen and others lately.

Hey well done with the bike ride Saturday, working up a good sweat is always good. Perhaps you did so again yesterday as well? Alas, I am yet to do that, but maybe today. Will wait and see if I can work up the motivation to do so this afternoon. We could have a bike race. 😅

Just brief from me. Really just wanted you to know I still care, despite not being around much the past week or 10 days. Finding the isolation tough, but will pull through. Just like you do when things are hard.

Sending you love, motivation and a gentle hug. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 🤗 Same to you lovely Karen. I have posted to your thread earlier today too.

Mandy 💜

[demonblaster]

You are NEVER a bother. Opposite lovey.

You can talk to me anytime at all sweety.

We sure have had/do amazing times on many levels

Deep L💜VE & C🤗RE 💗👀👂🏻