Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Good Night/Good Morning Deebi🦄,

Just calling in with all our midnight snacks, let's see what's in my bag 💼.🥓🍿🥛🍩🎂🍨🥗🥙🍱🍫 some yummies here..

Just gentle stretches Deebi, please don't overdo them..I'm not at all familiar with medical 👨🏻‍⚕️things.. I won't suggest anything with meds 💊 because I don't understand them.

The crying Deebi, let it out when you need to honey, but doesn't the eyes 👁👁get sore and hot..maybe I will go home and get a cool damp cloth one each for our 👀 cool them of a little, I'm sorry that you can't get that little bit further to get your happies 😊Deebi, I wish you only happiness and free from pain..

I hope you sleep 🛌 well Deebi, my angel 👼dust has been sprinkled onto you bed tonight, it's really pretty and glittering, lol you will sparkle when you wake up.

Look what I found under our weetbix 🌲 🐜🕷🐌🐛🦎🐞.

I had to come by tractor 🚜, tonight, they digging up the roads, I bought me telescope 🚠 Tonight so we can see even deeper into space..

Good night, sleep peacefully Deebi, ..love you ❤️. Your magical to me honey, don't change please.

❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗,

👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy 👼..

[demonblaster]

Hi my beauties 😥 this is my biggly pained look hang about I forgot my 👄new brand.

Darlings apologies again whinging just for a change 😄 bout my friggen arm. 1.30am awake with severe pain reluctantly took 2 ones slow release 💊 went back 🛏 4am. Joy! woke in pain too must be sleeping weird on it. Jasyus. Thank you for your sympathy and 🍵tea. Do appreciate your concern, haven't seen anyone for while so yous copping my pain. Im starting to wonder if the mutts going to improve. Bloody ell friggen hurts 😢 so back soon to 😪

Good news probs too off my dial to be sad so mentally picking up. Are we there yet?

Starts again many thanks yeah I was upset recently theres a party for sil coming up with late honeys brothers wife their whole family he was close to so being there without him and havent seen them ages bought lot of ghosts to surface but I'm better about that. Going away couple days for that and stay first with beautiful mil and see family there too and of course the party otherwise it's possibly the pain wearing me down luckily its not all the time

Tempted to take another we'll see

On a brighter note looks like for the first time in yrs the weathers falling into the seasons month on time so nice to be cooler. Hate the heat you do too don't you Grandy. Hope you get some rain soon 8 mths is a long time without it. I learnt a few yrs ago to hack the heat, cant change it so accept its summer and dont allow stress over it

Auckland temps in NZ are low maybe a really humid (v.high) could be 26 but equiv to a 34 humid here.

Looks dull here today apart from living in Paradise 🌴we usually have amazing weather too.

Grandy I'll do a separate.

Thanks lovelies as I've said theres love and friends in my life I'm lucky but don't see on regular basis thats ok but yous are a lovely constant. You're lovely and so appreciated 🤗😊⚘

[demonblaster]

😄😅 swear you're a tonic 🤗 Adore you.Woke in pain easing in chair atm and read this first and couldnt stop 😆 haha now what's in my bag lol just love it. You're gorgeous thank you so much an oohwh all those pretties under the Weetbix, geesh one time we'd get pretend ones in the Weeties pkt lovely mems when we'd get a spinning top. Now you're lucky if you get a card. Oh wish I knew you had to 🚜 I would have picked you up 🎠 oh wrong one..🚔..no...✈ ..bought something for us to play with while the lambs cooking anyone welcome ..🎸🥁 and we can do some Karioke to 🎤good thing not many neighbours aye 😨😲😤

Hope you're feeling better today beautiful lady though I should know I stayed over. Went all out with breaky today 🍞🍎it's good the effort that went in don't ya think

Going to go to my only special needs group tt 🏓this wk but wont be doing anything, like you said be nice to see them and can still teach encourage and have fun they're such a pleasure to be with so easy to make them happy as they do us. They enjoy it which is neat. Must get onto more groups bloody funding lost my bigger one daghhhh. Still got 2/4 go with a worker on my night but havent been for mth cause of arm wont be for while yet damn it! Might go to say hi this wk.

Oh btw dont forget to give the tree its Weetbix an hope your not too sore from where the broach opened an jabbed you in bed last night ouchies 🤕 lucky had my 👩‍🍳 uniform on to sort you ..hope the alcohol 🍾didnt sting too much it was all I had handy, had couple of nips before attending to you. So much easier to nurse when your drunk

Have a really good day darling friend won't you ☺

You so deserve to be happy hun..hey think you forgot to say ..honey....heyyyyyy...you owe me one 🤗 oh sent 🐌 mail💌 to you and here's 📸of my new💅 sexy huh. Yeah they all say that 😎

If this cheers you half as much as you do me I've done my work here 😊much💖 dear Grandy 😚🤗

Thankyou G x

Took ages cause have to take tablet in fo fix

[Ggrand]

Good morning,Deebi 🦄,

I started reading this this morning and you made me smile 😊..Your posts in the morning honey, is like my get up move yourself pill, I love them..yes it a pick me up...

I am okay Deehi, , had trouble last night, I couldn't stop worrying about Amanda, I could see my hubby going at me again, after reading/trying to help Amanda and I was scared for her. I got a few hours so I'm okay..

I have to try and fix my front gates today, theyvdont shut, the dryness out here has split the wooden posts holding them up...Hate going outside Deebi, but I have to try to fix because I'm frightened that my fur buddies will get out and get picked up or lost..

Lol. Ouchy, 😵 I'm pleased that you were there to fix me up, a lesson learned, I will take it off when I sleep from now on.. oh the alcohol didn't sting at all, I like the tweety bird band aide you used its cute.. Maybe go to Dr and let them check your arm/ neck/ shoulder again, gp may be able to help with the pain a bit mor for you..

Our weetbix tree 🌲 is growing really quickly with the daily feed of weetbix, iit has little flower 🌺 buds on it now, I wonder if it grows weetbix we will have to wait until the flowers 🌺 open.

Awe honey, you don't need to reply, if your not up to it..and sorry it took you so long xx so appreciate your morning replies though, ❤️.

I really really hope you have a good day.. you deserve to be happy Deebi, your so precious to me,mi hold you very deep in my heart.❤️.

🤗🤗🤗❤️❤️❤️,

👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy 👼

[Sapphire_]

Hi Deebi.

Sorry I havent posted to you for awhile. Been keeping up though. Sorry your arm is still giving you grief. Are you doing physio for it? Might help out a bit.

Been thinking of you heaps. Espesh when im outside at night having a smoke watching the stars. I know you like the stars. They are very theraputic.

Hope you have a wonderful day and arm eases up abit to give you some peace.

Sending warm hugs ❤❤

[demonblaster]

Hey darl 😊

Yeah I knew it was upsetting you at our dear Mandys (she's a sweety) and you're such a compassionate lady you support her with such kindness and everyone which is what you're about. I'm very sorry for all of you with this cruel senseless horrendous pain. It's just SO bloody wrong! Glad you got some sleep darlin

Good luck with gates, sounds like it'll be a job 🔨⛏🛠 I know you dont like being out 🌤 hun but better to be than inside all the time lovey

🤣 tweety bird band aid ohhh so glad you liked it, thought I gave you the Micky Mouse one. Thats the hazards being drunk while nursing. Was telling my gorgeous MIL this morning about you and our mucking around & supportin eachother, its nice we cover all bases bit of a chat laugh support cook together 🤣 grow trees 😂 etc

Haha yeah time will tell when the flowers open, I reckon there's a possibility there could be Rice bubbles but would prefer Weet bix, MIL said I could get some off the tree lol she's a classic love her deeply

You too as you beautifully said one day are a part of my heart. Mean it. Loven ya chooky 💖

Had walk 👠...🏃‍♀️..(as if).. not usual 6 hills but 4 and soon go back sleepies 😪 hate taking pills knock ya around..🤹‍♂️ but then so does pain and BA sleep all good tho

Happies coming back ...AND THE CROWD... ROARED! 🙌🙌🙌

cant play 🏀 cause arm but we could ⚽️ after lunch ooowh yummo lamb..I'll just grab Tom Cruise bbs xx

[PamelaR]

ROAR, and the CROWD CHEERED!! Great the happies are BACK Deebi.

I've been having a good ole chuckle reading GG & DB posts!!

A bit sad though when I read all the sad stuff between the lines.

You two are such awesome people. It's so good you have found yourselves on this forum.

Sorry to hear your arm is so painful Deebi - guess you've tried a lot of stuff to help it, e.g. acupuncture? Hope it settles down a bit so you can enjoy your social stuff like ⚽️ and 🏓 .

Grandy love - will pop in to your thread in a moment to chat before I log off for the day (and week).

Would love to see you both on my deck this coming Friday evening for cocktails and star gazing. I.e. after i return from camping. Mandy said she'd come too.

I'll let you grab Tom, I'll grab Ewan McGregor.

[Birdy77]

Deebs and Grandy, if you're having another sleepover, here are some beverages for you both:

🍸 black russian for Deebs

🍸tia maria for Grandy (am i right??)

Like Pamela, i also have been having a huge chuckle at your antics, you are both gorgeous people and it's awesome that you can have such a great time together, and help to get each other through the depths.

Keep having fun ladies.

Cheers xo

[demonblaster]

😃thanks lovelies Pam and Mandy..magic yeah she da bomb. Happiness and laughings infectious glad youse are getting giggles..ditto..loved when she said "now what's in my bag" still 😂 and pulled out humungus pile of stuff

Thanks Pam replied at Mandys we'll have to round up a few more before Fri. Parteee at Mandys wooo hoooo and Stars and of course the 🍫 choccy

Mandy I prefer light choccy as well and Autumn my fave too re your cafe post. Well done yes magic Grandys a Tia Maria babe and oooh la la Kahlua syrup of the Gods 🙃

Pam thanks re arm its nerve probs from 2 bulging discs in neck, ruptured them few mths ago this is 4th bout. 1st and 2nd were off the scale pain.Too much fun 😣

Not just saying this you two amongst others are a pleasure to know and very appreciative for your support and friendship Thankyou ⚘🤗...⚘🤗 ..no charge 😉

We all have common ground here (Pain) and a common goal ..to be gone (the pain ..lol )

Such an amazing place, much respect BB in every way including all the workers that make it magic 🌟🌟🌟 in my eyes

Enjoy Pam see you Friday for boogie under the Weetbix tree, it's tough, can handle being replanted.

Go easy loves thanks dropping by 😚

[startingnew]

Hi All (DB, GG, Mandy, Birdy. Pam and everyone) , hope your all ok. lovely to see you all enjoying yourselves xox

DB- i hope that pain of yours settles soon- might be worth getting checked if you think its getting worse or not healing.... if your sleeping abit weird maybe lay on the opposite side (the side thats not hurting) and put some pillows behind you as a barrier sort of thing. just a thought anyways 🙂