Struggling to go on

[Tess2]

Life is being really hard for me and troubles keep compounding. I cannot face wading through what is needed to move forward I feel isolated and alone. I have people who care but I think they can be overloaded with my despair and it can be a burden. There seem to be obstacles all along the way.

Two years ago I lost my job. A career of 50 years. I am 66 and have no partner. I have not coped well with this loss and now have significant financial problems too. I have to sell my home. Pay off my mortgage and buy a new place. I live with my son who is very caring but I have suppported him financially and emotionally through the family court. His ex is trying to remove him from his daughters life. I feel I have reached my retirement years with very little and no joy. Depression has been a big part of my life. But I have managed. Now I also have severe anxiety. It paralyses me. And panic attacks. I don’t know how to do each day.

[Tess2]

Thanks for the encouragement. I am not really sceptical about the medical stuff, but I have had lots of counselling in the past. And it does become rather predictable. I have done lots of CBT, but am struggling to apply it. I have a good gp, but just am not sure what more she can offer. I don’t like being on long term meds. I have applied some of the things that have been suggested, some of the apps. They look quite good. I like the virtual hope box. I have lost my appetite and no foods seem to appeal to me. I know I sound very negative I don’t mean to. I used to journal a lot I don’t really want to write this all down for some reason. Perhaps I will try. And see what it looks like. I am finding the support here helpful and really appreciate people’s input. I have a couple of friends I stay in touch with, but I am not seeing them. It is more by phone. Leaving the house is a big problem for me.

[Tess2]

Thank you, it sounds like your situation was horrid. At least I don’t have an ex being mean. The house situation is really depressing me and leaving me feeling frozen in time and doubting the future. It is supportive to know that you understand . Thank you for replying

[smallwolf]

Hi,

I can understand the lost my appetite part. If I am alone, as much as I like to cook, can really be bothered. It is obviously different if I am cooking for wife and kids as well. So I would not worry about sounding negative, just make sure you are eating something (healthy). Also when I started on ADs I lost my appetite also.

It could be that CBT was not your thing. My psychologist wanted me to read the happiness trap. Many of the ideas in that book did not work for me. So we each to have to work out what works for us and what does not. I also find talking about my situation therapeutic also. Journals or talking for me... the more I talk about it, the easier to gets. Rather than keeping things bottled up. For 40+ years I would not tell me what was going on inside me, I thought what I felt was normal. But it wasn't. Anyway, enough about me...

Have you played the word search on virtual hope box? Not that challenging, but when I read and find the words it contains in the puzzle, can be calming. Well, thinking about everything that could go wrong vs finding words like PEACE and ENCOURAGE. Mind you, sometimes I struggle with the photo puzzle. Not because it is hard, but the I see the reasons to continue in those photos, which despite what I have said in another thread, does make me weepy.

Tell me somethings that you like? 🙂

Smallwolf

[Tess2]

I like reading an d knitting. I try to knit while i watch the tv. I used to listen to music a lot. But not lately, i like the silence. I am not into sports but could exercise more. I like to sit in a warm place and think. My sisters live interstate and i miss them.

[Tess2]

I just cant do this any longer, i feel total despair and loneliness. I dont feel that i can continue trying. I am overwhelmed by it all

[Ggrand]

Hello Tess,

Im really so very sorry your struggling so had. please hang in there. Your stronger then you think.

Tess I used to knit and crotech and do long stitch and cross stitch, unfortunately they haven't even been thought about for a few years, my concerntrating is just not on anything..I just started reading a couple of self help books, thesecare the first books I've picked up in over 12 months..

We need to distract your thoughts, away from the depression which tries to pull us down...I call my depression Beasty, it gives a name to something that I can fight.. You said you like music, but don't listen because you like quiet, Tess we need to interrupt the quiet because depression (beasty) thrives on quiet..

If you can try to find something that your mind is concerntrating on at least 95% it will keep the beast from putting negative thoughts into your mind...I play mind challenging games on internet, or music with earphones in. Or guided meditation, anything that makes our mind concerntrate on the now...Please Tess Please give this a try..

Loneliness is bad I'll agree with you. I isolated myself 2 years ago now. I have no friends in town, only 200 residents in town a small village in central NSW..My kids and grandkids are 7-8 hours away, they are working and to busy to visit me..My anxiety keeps me inside my home 6 days a week, some time 7 days...

Tess I distract myself as much as I can to avoid the overwhelming loneliness and sadness I constantly feel daily..I'm here on the forums a lot, I have many friends here, that I try to support, and they help with my mental health as well.

I tried to get well myself but I couldn't, I made a long appointment with my GP. then I was given meds, referral to professional councilling and I am getting much needed help and I'm improving, I'm healing ..Please if your not got professional help can you please see if you feel like trying to get some...I can hear a very distressed person when I listen to your words, a bit like mine were 12 months ago..I'm concerned about you Tess, please let us know how your doing..

Kind and caring thoughts,

Grandy.

[Tess2]

Thank you , it is good to know someone is listening and has been through these things. I am just feeling desperate. Like my heart is going to explode. I have no motivation to do anything at all and just want to close my eyes and it all be over. Why cant that be?

[Ggrand]

Hello Tess,

Im sorry your heart feels like it wants to explode, Tess please don't give up on this..,We need to want to get well,

I was so unmotivated that I did stay in bed for days at a time, then one day I cried nearly all day because all I was doing with my life was sleeping or laying in bed cursing myself because I was doing nothing all day..

It was while I was not bothered to get up that a wrote a thread here on daily routine..it helped me as I wrote my thoughts and research finding out..into a thread that has helped others.

Now I go to bed same time nightly, set my alarm to get up the same time daily, then I have my cuppa tea, breaks etc, then I will start my morning routine, that gets me a little motivated to do other things around my home...you can search in the search bar on top of this page.."depression and our daily routine".

Maybe tonight while your in bed and ready to sleep you might feel to try some Distraction maybe a guided sleep meditation or an instrumental and concerntrate only on one instrument through the song...Tess if you can distract your thoughts while your trying to sleep, you may sleep easier...

Kind thoughts,

Grandy.

[stormcloudz]

Hi Tess

Please keep fighting. You are going through an awful time and I know its hard to imagine life after this. From time to time, I borrowed from AA and often recited to myself "this will pass" to remind myself that things can change.

We are here for you and want to know how you are doing. We also understand some of your struggle. Please post again and let us know how you are doing.

[Tess2]

Than you for your encouragement. But i see no joy or possibility of it. Living is just not worth the struggle any more.