Relationship worries (from a person who worries a lot!)...is he losing interest?

[livm88]

I'm in my first ever relationship (he is too), that started at the end of July this year (so a bit over 4 months now). He's 25, i'm 28. It started out very strong, he really pursued me (asked me out, arranged all the dates, called and texted me every day, including selfies and funny pics, we'd have 30 min phone conversations). After two months we even went away together during the week for the night (which was great).

Everything seemed so romantic then, but not long after this he got a second job, working 7 days a week with the two jobs (including early mornings and nights). He has admitted he loves to work and if he has free time he will find work to do because he doesn't like the way he thinks/his mind wanders if he does nothing.

So I started to adapt to this, and not expect as many calls/communication etc. We still see each other at least 2-3 times a week, sometimes even 5 times on odd weeks. We usually go somewhere to walk and eat pizza, like the beach (which I like), then Saturday night might spend the night at one of each other's houses.

We seem to move pretty quickly with everything, including his suggestion that I could live with him. The problem with this is, he lives with two Indian couples (he is Indian also), they're all from the same region, and while they can speak ok English, when i'm there I feel he doesn't make enough effort to speak English, and it makes me uncomfortable, sitting in silence while they rattle off in their language (which is not Hindi.....so learning that would be practically pointless, even though they do know it). I've told him a few times how I feel and this is why i'm not sure about moving in with him, but his response is always that I have to learn Hindi then it will be much easier and that I have to try things to know if they'll work or not.

A similar issue has been occurring lately though...many times when he asks me out, he later sends a message after i've said yes that one of the couples are coming too. Last time this happened, the three of them all spoke in their language most of the time, only speaking token remarks or questions in English to me. I was most annoyed by my boyfriend, who I felt ignored by that day. Also, while we're alone but in public, he packs on the PDA, but when we're with this couple he backs off (even though they're openly affectionate).

He seems to love me, when we're together he shares everything, but I'm starting to wonder if he's begun taking me for granted?

Thanks a lot 🙂

[livm88]

Hi Anony,

Oh yeah much prefer the non-budget airlines! Well for me, the issue of space was ok on Scoot (definitely better than Tiger), as being short I found the legroom not an issue. But the no free food thing bugs me 😛 Luckily on the way back I had some Singapore $$$ that probably wouldn't have been enough to change for Aussie $$$, so I could afford some snacks and drinks. I've never flown Cathay Pacific, but they're on my radar! Thing is when I book for somewhere in Europe/US, Qatar from Perth seems to be the cheapest at the time (Etihad usually have pretty cheap flights). Plus they (Qatar) are really attentive and just have overall great service. Also, transit wait times are usually short (3 hrs max).

Ooh South Korea sounds nice! Another one on my never ending list haha. I know how you feel, i'm the same- can't go a year without travel! After all...they say it's one of the best educations 😛 I can imagine what you mean about Singapore, it's like me travelling to Melbourne or Sydney for relatives....in fact the last time I went to Sydney I wondered why I was initially so excited to see it again after years lol...the best bit was actually catching the train to the Blue Mountains.

My prep is going ok, it's hard of course (not to be short of breath quickly!), but i'm slowly feeling stronger (like if I really push myself I can manage 7 push-ups.....I need to do 10 minimum!). Running is the worst though 😛 Hope it gets easier (or just feel less like an asthma attack haha). I'm hoping i'll pass the first attempt!

Aww sucks he's still not back! I can imagine the anxious feelings waiting! At least you have things to keep you busy. What is it with guys not wanting to text? Haha...seems to be a thing (although my brother and his gf seems the roles are reversed....he can't seem to stop gushing about her on instagram 😄 he's more like a woman haha).

Hopefully your bf won't want to disappoint you and go to the ball! (or better, just want to go anyway!).

Olivia

[Anony18]

Hi Olivia

Yes no free food alright but I guess that is what budget is about. I sneak in food sometimes. Airplane food aren't the best always. I think Emirates and Cathay had the best ones. You probably fly Cathay when you go to Hong Kong or passing through it. I flew it once and enjoyed it. The tough part was the LONG transit. HK 10 hours each way, I stayed within the airport though as HK has quite a bit to do. But I believe to Korea you are looking at couple hours which is good.

Just ease yourself into it. Push yourself a little more each day and you will get there. You be fine. I hate running but I do alot of it at tennis alright.

Haha. I think each guy is different. I can't say I am the best as well. We get so busy that we read then forget. I found guys around my age don't reply as quickly as those around my younger brothers' age. Think it is the generation. I grew up not having a phone or mobile til I was in uni. Back when I was in high school it was those pagers we had. I can see though why my bf doesn't message if he is entertaining friends. When he does a task or in a conversation his focus is on that ONE task/thing...and nothing else. It is frustrating when am trying get a hold of him but when he is with me his focus is on me and us alone.

Yes I do hope so! It is the one rare occasion I see him all suited up 😉

Anony

[livm88]

Hi Anony,

Yes long transit times suck! I wonder how HK airport compares to Singapore? An excuse to visit Hong Kong sometime this year? 😛 haha....any excuse to travel.

I'm trying to push myself (my cold which has gone to my chest is a bit of a hinderance at the moment!), at first when I start each session I find myself puffing a lot, but did have a bit of a breakthrough when the second time around the oval started to get over the feeling. Plus, when I try push-ups at the beginning of each session, I can barely do 3, but by the end it seems easier to churn out 8-10 (i'm aiming for 15 to be on the safe side for the test).

Yeah the texting thing seems to be common, i'll admit i'm the same when it comes to my younger sister (but to be honest....she texts and 'facebook mentions' an awful lot in one day, impossible to keep up).

It's great that the time you and your bf spend together is quality and you give each other all your attention 🙂 And yes, suited up is great 🙂 Makes a man look really sharp!

Olivia

[Anony18]

Hi Olivia

How are you and how is the training?

I haven't had a good past few days, particularly last night and right now. My aunt collapsed with bleeding in brain and today they pulled the plug. Immense anxious feeling in my chest. My bf was nice to suggest maybe meet me in Singapore which gave me that slight push to consider going for the funeral but disappointingly Mum said not to worry to go over so it means won't see him. It is making me feel somewhat guilty that I'm being selfish that although I would like to go to Singapore for the funeral and am really upset about my aunt. part of me is also upset that Mum didn't say "yeah come over" and so I could see him. I feel like a terrible person right now =(

I texted him to tell him what my Mum said and that will see him when he gets back. But a huge part of me is hoping that he got some hint that "can you please return this weekend?" but of course I don't want him to cut his trip short. It would also make me feel guilty. Did ask if it would be ok to skype, facetime or even call. So will see what he says.

Hope you are doing well x

Anony

[livm88]

Hi Anony,

Oh no! Sorry to hear that! I can imagine you'd be feeling anxious! And yes I know what you mean, like it was really nice of your boyfriend asking you to come, but maybe may have made you feel a bit sad your mum telling you not to bother! I mean it's your aunt, you have a right to want to be there for your family! But I would be the same way, in fact I am! My dad had a minor heart attack two days ago, so he's been in hospital (but ok now, didn't need bypass surgery, just stents..stints? put in). So my older sister being the drama queen she is...flew over from Melbourne, and in a way dictated the level of worry we all had to feel (like I could sense her gauging my reactions/how I was around our dad in hospital).

See when people in my family are ill, I don't tend to feel a spot of worry at all! Only if it's myself (selfish?). I just can't....fake caring. Kind of more like...people falling ill is a nuisance because I have to pretend and show I care??!

So yes I know it's different, but I can understand feeling like the way you feel might seem selfish, but what can we do? Go around faking it all the time!? Not for me 😞 To be honest I don't know what i'll do one day if something really terrible happens to a family member- I feel like my mum is the only person i'd really grieve! Everyone else.....I guess it wouldn't make life harder for me?

I've heard though that this is common for us anxious folk, it's our way of having some control and keeping things at arms length (well I think so for myself).

Well I hope you're feeling ok. Hope your boyfriend comes home soon!!!

Olivia 🙂

[Anony18]

Hi Olivia

Oh am sorry to hear that but am glad he is ok. Yes a steint. I had to research what that is as they were thinking of putting it in my aunt's brain. However, after scans they said they could not operate. There isn't anything wrong with feeling that way. It is good in that sense. I think my Mum is that way however she also a staunch Christian and has a strong faith of whatever God has planned for us - then so be it. I have the opposite problem where I worry alot and I empathise too much and things affect me in a bigger context at times.

I am feeling a bit better but of course missing my bf and also kinda up and down. My aunt's funeral was today and she would be cremated by now. Trying to work away. Work is super busy which is good in that sense. Do hope my bf does come home really soon and more importantly does not disappoint and returns for my work ball. Just paid for him.

Hope you are going well and the training as well! It is a hot one in Perth today so sunblock up OR just stay under the fan/air-con. haha

Anony

[livm88]

Hi Anony,

Oh yes the steint- it's the first time i'd ever heard of it (didn't even realise what bypass surgery really was until now either). Yes I guess your mum and I are the same, maybe people like us have trouble being open in many ways. We do care, it's just we prefer not to show it so much as a more extroverted person would.

It will be nice to finally see your bf when he returns! Hopefully the time apart will make it even better to see each other again!

And yes quite a hot one today (but worse tomorrow apparently- 39!). Training was a little better today, I don't know how but I went around the oval twice in a row (about 5-7 mins run?) and didn't puff nearly as much as the past weeks (a slight improvement I guess?) and pushups were a bit easier.

Olivia

[Anony18]

Hi Olivia

Yeah i researched it when my aunt was told she may go into brain surgery to have that. But of course given she was inoperable they didn't end up doing that. My mum is very open - too open hence why I do not tell her about things. The moment I tell her about my life her friends and my family will know. But she doesn't worry too much or that at least her sister didn't suffer. I think if it were her older sister then it may be different reaction given how close they were.

It will finally be good alright. I just hope he doesn't book a flight to land on the day itself. He has a tendency sometimes to do that. And if his flight gets delayed oh man that would be devastating (again it has happened before!) Am hoping can talk to him today over the phone at least and then try request if he could get a flight a couple days earlier just in case. It makes me really anxious if he were to book it for the day of ball itself.

That is great! Keep persevering. One step at the time. Also monitor the foods you eat as it can determine that if you were to eat, say banana, it gives you better energy or performance than say you ate a pear. If you keep taking one step at a time you will improve overtime.

Anony

[livm88]

Hi Anony,

Well at least with my dad other than his heart he's healthy and not overweight, so probably made steints a better option. Although he has to take a lot of pills! I think I may have to be his taxi for the next week 😛 He has to have a stress test before he's allowed to drive again (which could be a problem as his job is minesite bus driver!).

Tell you what....the switch to healthier eating is hard work 😛 I have to actually bother to cook something every night haha. But i'm hoping it will help my fitness! Plus, another issue i've had since early 20's....this feeling of excessive daytime sleepiness. I keep forgetting to ask my doc about it. I thought maybe it was my low vitamin D or Iron, but i've been on tablets for those, and the doc says they're normal level now. Only other thing to ask is maybe long term mild depression/anxiety could be the cause? I'm also worried about sleep apnea...that's what dad (and my aunt) have had for 20+ years (and docs say possibly one cause of his heart attack). I don't snore though, so hoping it's not that...But the last month i've been a lot sleepier than usual, could it be from the new exercise routine? It could also be some food problems, I mean my sister has this, and has to be on a low 'FODMAP' diet (so many things she can't eat!!!) but she says she's had much more energy since being on the diet! Could I be the same way??? I really hope I don't have sleep apnea 😞

Hopefully your bf will book the flight a day or so before the ball! So you can prepare your outfits haha 😄 😉 I can imagine the anxiety and stress of trying to get someone else prepared for something like that! If you're like me....being early and prepared is extremely important! haha

And oh yeah....my mum's an oversharer too 😛 Told my sister when I was here all about my health haha.

Olivia.

[Anony18]

Hi Olivia

That does not sound like fun - the taking alot of pills not so much the driving. it would be good to spend time with your dad. I wish my dad was still around to spend time with him.

Switching to healthier is definitely hard. I am so bad at it given that I love my sweets way too much. Definitely ask your doctor next time about it. Hopefully you don't have sleep apnea and it will just be manageable eating the right foods....whatever it ends up being.

We shall see about him. Just sent him a really really long whatsapp cause he didn't let me know if he wasn't able to talk to me yesterday in the end. I really do not enjoy doing so given he is on a holiday but it had to be done. Though it was more like I was frustrated at you and this is why etc. And then i asked about the ball. It was a I'm angry but also not message. Will see if he responds at all.