Relationship worries (from a person who worries a lot!)...is he losing interest?

[livm88]

I'm in my first ever relationship (he is too), that started at the end of July this year (so a bit over 4 months now). He's 25, i'm 28. It started out very strong, he really pursued me (asked me out, arranged all the dates, called and texted me every day, including selfies and funny pics, we'd have 30 min phone conversations). After two months we even went away together during the week for the night (which was great).

Everything seemed so romantic then, but not long after this he got a second job, working 7 days a week with the two jobs (including early mornings and nights). He has admitted he loves to work and if he has free time he will find work to do because he doesn't like the way he thinks/his mind wanders if he does nothing.

So I started to adapt to this, and not expect as many calls/communication etc. We still see each other at least 2-3 times a week, sometimes even 5 times on odd weeks. We usually go somewhere to walk and eat pizza, like the beach (which I like), then Saturday night might spend the night at one of each other's houses.

We seem to move pretty quickly with everything, including his suggestion that I could live with him. The problem with this is, he lives with two Indian couples (he is Indian also), they're all from the same region, and while they can speak ok English, when i'm there I feel he doesn't make enough effort to speak English, and it makes me uncomfortable, sitting in silence while they rattle off in their language (which is not Hindi.....so learning that would be practically pointless, even though they do know it). I've told him a few times how I feel and this is why i'm not sure about moving in with him, but his response is always that I have to learn Hindi then it will be much easier and that I have to try things to know if they'll work or not.

A similar issue has been occurring lately though...many times when he asks me out, he later sends a message after i've said yes that one of the couples are coming too. Last time this happened, the three of them all spoke in their language most of the time, only speaking token remarks or questions in English to me. I was most annoyed by my boyfriend, who I felt ignored by that day. Also, while we're alone but in public, he packs on the PDA, but when we're with this couple he backs off (even though they're openly affectionate).

He seems to love me, when we're together he shares everything, but I'm starting to wonder if he's begun taking me for granted?

Thanks a lot 🙂

[livm88]

Hi Anony,

Yes the diet thing is hard, I love my sweets too! And well with my dad, we at home can only do so much to guide him on eating right. Unfortunately, his regular doctor said yesterday "oh it's probably genetics rather than diet that caused your heart attack" (because his dad and granddad both died from heart attacks). So he's taken this as a reason to not bother changing his diet (in his mind he eats fine.....but from what i've seen over the years this really isn't the case! I mean two meat pies in one sitting? And then some chips later in the day? several times a week I might add!).

But i'm definitely trying to eat healthier myself, and it's going quite well (i'm also starting to feel I have stronger stomach muscles from the small amount of exercise i've been doing).

Must be irritating right now with your bf! I guess it's easy to send snappy/angry messages rather than what you might say in person. The anxiety too of worrying about them! Fair enough though if you guys made the commitment about the ball, he agreed etc....he should want to do things with you/for you! Ahhh....relationships seem so complicated 😛 XD

[Anony18]

Hi Olivia

It is good you are changing what you eat. With your dad, guess you can try to get him to think about eating healthier but if he doesn't there is nothing much more you can do.

Well i would rather chat in person but when he is away the only way is by text especially given I get annoyed then I am ok within the next day and forget. I sent him a text again yesterday. This time he did respond. Basically had a rant. Not at me but about his holiday or lack thereof as he been dealing with issues (won't go into it) hence why he didn't reply. He did say that he is spending a bit of money to return to the ball for me and might be heading off somewhere again. Try to get a proper holiday. Think he struggles with that cause he can't let go of the responsibilities he has here so he has a good holiday initially and then it gets ruined. Not sure if he thought his sentence about spending lots money to come back to my ball was a bit harsh as within the minute he said not to get him wrong, he does miss me alot and is looking forward to seeing me just that currently he is super stressed. It is a change alright from 6 mths ago where he use to have a rant AT me and appeared to take it out on me. Now it is a rant of frustration. Same emotions but different approach or impact towards me....if that makes sense. Still do hope the boy isn't coming back on day of ball! But if he is hope there is no delay and he makes it back in time.

On a separate note I just booked flights to Seoul. End of June to begin July. So excited!

[livm88]

Hi Anony,

Glad you and your boyfriend were able to come to an understanding! I guess stress can cause a lot of worry/anxiety/tension. It's normal really to take it out on others, or say things in the heat of the moment (I know I do!). Sounds like he needs an uninterrupted holiday next time! I guess that's what you want out of a holiday (or why you have one to begin with!). It must be a relief that you guys have sorted it all out, and yes hopefully he'll be home for the ball earlier!!!

Woohoo! You must be excited 😄 It's not far away, already March (geez....a quarter into the year!). You'll have to give me all the details when you return! So I can plan my trip there haha 😛 It looks like a really cool place!

And in good news....I went in to work today, and while I was on checkout the assistant manager came up to me and said 'I hear you're looking for more hours?' and asked if I was interested in working in the Deli department (starting tomorrow!) so of course I said yes 😄 More hours woohoo!! With that extra money plus Austudy for uni, I should have enough to live off haha (and finally move out of home! And to be honest...checkout is kind of the most boring department 😛 So it will be good to learn new tasks/skills. Then I will still have the option of Police waiting for me (it will take 6-18 months, depending on if I pass the next two tests or not! either way...always possible).

[Anony18]

Hi Olivia

Yes it was good and given his attitude or what he says when he is frustrated now has been such an improvement. Unfortunately he can never have an uninterrupted holiday. The only way is to disappear - no phones no nothing I say!

Very excited. Alot of people are so shocked I am going on my own. But I think sometimes going by yourself is fun as you don't have to accommodate other people's interest. Sounds a bit selfish but you have to be if you are holidaying right? The main thing is cause alot of my friends are either married with kids or they don't have money. So if I wait for the right time that suits them I will never travel as much. Been travelling on my own before a no of times and cause am quite outgoing, tend to easily make new friends as well. Will definitely tell you details 😃

Congrats! Great news about more shifts. Definitely helps when you have some more cash. Definitely carry on working on the Police path since that is what you want to be. Or eventually be.

Long weekend! YAY!

[livm88]

Hi Anony,

Yes, great that things are better for you and your bf! And very exciting going on a solo trip! I've actually never travelled with anyone 😛 I didn't think anything of it first time I ever travelled. People's reaction (even now after 6 solo trips!) is always "who are you going with" and "what....aren't you scared to go on your own?" or "can you have fun on your own?". And my answer is always "yes.....guaranteed to meet someone at the hostel, in nearly every city! Always end up doing a few activities with them" (until I get tired and need some solo time haha). Some nice memories particularly in Ireland (Dublin pub crawl! including the smallest and most crowded old pub...couldn't move :P).

Ahhh yes you'll have a great time!!! Exciting!!!

As for the police, yes luckily i've got 20 hrs at Coles next week, and none of them clash with my next test (psych), so that's good! Hopefully same story the week after for fitness!

[Anony18]

Hi Olivia

How did your long weekend go? Sorry for the delay. I went down to Pemberton this weekend to getaway. Been getting a bit anxious on and off the past few weeks - be it from work or something - that I needed to get away. I climbed the gloucester tree which was such an achievement. Did it on my 3rd attempt. The first 2 i was too chicken came down 1/3. I texted my bf who said don't look down it is easy. As I did the 3rd time he was in my head and I DID IT. Met a few Asians up there as well which was nice. Bf did ask why I was alone and told me be safe. He asked if was ok and I told him. He said he hoped was better and was texting me before bed a bit and his text were affectionate which was really nice. Counting down til I see him!!!!

I find travelling alone is great. Sometimes can be a bit scary alone, especially being a woman but just surround myself in crowds (mostly) and hold my bag close so that I know am relatively safe and secure. It is great as well cause you just accommodate yourself and your needs. And yes you do meet alot of amazing people when you do tours like your pub crawl. The irish are rough around the edges alright but they are friendly, especially when you go drinking. I dated a guy from Cork for 4 years and had loads of good memories in Ireland.

[livm88]

Hi Anony,

Awesome! I love the forests down south (haven't been for at least 20 years to Pemberton though). That must have been a bit scary climbing the trees! (when I was there I was too young i'd say...so missed that experience!). Nice to go somewhere away from the city for the weekend! And nice that your boyfriend has been texting you more 🙂 Definitely would have helped give you more courage 🙂 I know exactly what you mean about the anxious feelings.....I've been having them too! Like, I dropped from one unit (to do 3), and I feel almost guilty that I did! Even though i'm considering changing my major from Fine Art to something more practical, like Graphic Design (still creative).

I went to The Pinnacles with a friend from uni a couple of weeks ago (to celebrate last weekend off before uni 😛 ), it was our first time. Definitely not as good as the photos make it out to be, but it was fun! Most memorable thing was trying on hats to buy at the gift shop, and my friend slowly took the hat off my head.....to show me a huge huntsman spider dangling off the hat!!! Scary lol. The old ladies behind the counter didn't seem phased...in fact didn't budge an inch when it crawled away on the floor to somewhere else in the shop!

Travelling alone definitely has its benefits! Nice that you met an Irish guy. Did you meet in Cork? I went there on my trip, it was so quaint 🙂 The pubs were great (and they have a very distinct accent!).

About the Police, well I left an hour early for my psych exam but I knew I wasn't going to make it! Luckily, I called them, and they said the whole 6-12 months waiting period is just a deterrent/warning for people who continually without reason fail to attend testing, and doesn't apply to someone who voluntarily withdraws. So they said any time I want I can reapply! So my plan is, to make myself really fit (so I easily pass the physical), and apply again within 6 months (however long it takes to be truly fit). So....a big relief!!! In the meantime i'll do these three units, which don't look too hard.

Plus, at the moment looks like i'm getting plenty of work! I've actually got 24hrs this week in deli, which is a Coles record for me 😛 I'll finally have no excuse to fix all the broken stuff in my car haha 🙂 Might not be on Austudy for long after all 😄

How long now until your ball?

[Anony18]

Hi Olivia

Its been so busy that I haven't had time come on. It's 3am here and I am just heading off to bed. my bf is back early this morning before he flies off the next morning. Then he be back on day of my ball which is next Sat. So excited to see him and hope his flight doesn't get delayed next Sat and he makes it early enough for us walk together to the ball location.

The climb was scary but glad I did it. Oh pinnacles. Think been few years since was there. And as for the spider yikes! I probably freak a little.

I met him whilst he was doing a working holiday here. Was so upset when we broke up at first. First love and all but glad we did cause I think back now and realise why he wasn't the right one. Tried keep in touch but had cut ties last year as he still had strong feelings for me after 2 yrs and wasn't moving on, irony is that its his inability to get over his pride and completely commit to coming over to Perth that we broke up.

Yayyyy for Coles.

I am off to bed. Second night have been going bed at 3am. Sorry for the not so long response.

[livm88]

Hi Anony,

Yes I understand being busy now! I'm the same, sort of forgot all about the forums, doing uni and a lot more work (well only 24hrs last week....but it's a lot compared to before!), only 13hrs this week.....hope they give me more next week, because I just had to fix a few major things on my car ($850 later!), and will have to do the same amount in another month!!! Old cars suck 😛 I will have spent more money than what I paid for it 😞 But the mechanic says it will then easily go another 3 years.

You must be excited now for your bf coming back (this Saturday I guess? or was it last weekend....I lose track of the dates 😛 )

[Anony18]

Hi Olivia

More working hours is good right? Oh fixing cars I can imagine. Would it be cheap enough to buy a new car? Saying that though a new car cost more $$ than the current fixing haha. I know you can get new car from auctions. When I had an accident last year, got my latest one in an auction. I was lucky as Mum paid the rest of the amount after my insurance covered the first $5k.

Well he came back last Friday so that was great. He is coming back late tonight. Saying that currently frustrated as he has not sent me his itinerary and have not gotten a response. Though I messaged him with no response. So am gonna take his silence as golden. Will message him saying that haven't heard so I will see you at the airport tonight. And if he doesn;t come or got his flight time wrong I will be soooo maddd and he probably feel guilty which he deserves to!

How has your training been going? Weather been so weird in Perth!