Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

You are not an invalid, but you do need support to take control of your illness rather than let it control you. You need to tame the beast! I hope the change in medication that is planned for you will be the answer.

Once you are on an even keel there is no reason why you can’t play elite netball and study to become a clinical psychologist. You have so much to offer to others with your lived experience of mental illness.

You are young, intelligent and very capable. There is no reason you can’t live your dreams once your illness is better under control.

As far as separating from your partner goes, that is a huge decision which only you can make. You know what is best for you. I would suggest you talk it through with your psychologist or someone you really trust.

I’m still a bit worried about Poppy as she is losing weight. She’s gone from 3.3kg to 2.8kg in a few weeks, despite eating normally. The vet has increased the dose of her medication so I am hopeful that will make a difference.

Take good care of yourself xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🙋‍♀️🐾

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

Hope Poppy is ok.

Had an appointment with the Psychologist today.... not the best. Walked out feeling more suicidal than ever. Not sure what to do anymore.

Sorry Jojo

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Sorry to hear your appointment with your psychologist didn’t go well. That must be very disheartening. Is she aware how you were feeling when you left the appointment? Are you seeing her again soon?

It can often be difficult following a counselling session as it tends to stir up difficult emotions. Give yourself time to process your appointment and be gentle with yourself.

Try to do something nice as a reward for going to counselling as you definitely deserve a little boost. Take life hour by hour, day by day. That’s more than enough to deal with.

Don’t lose sight of your dreams Saree. You have so much potential to make them come true.

My thoughts are with you dear friend xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗👋

[Saree_p]

Sorry Jojo,

everything has fallen apart. Life is just so hard. I'm not sure I know how to cope anymore let alone if I can.

My partners family have tried to make him choose between them and me. They refuse to attend the wedding.

Jojo, its just a mess.

Sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

There’s no need to apologise especially when your life is so difficult right now.

Weddings can often be stressful to organise and please everyone. It is very unfortunate that your partner’s family are saying they won’t attend and making your partner choose between them and yourself.

Has communication broken down completely? Is there no way you can talk things through with them? There is always the chance that they will come around and change their mind.

When is the wedding? Hopefully there’s time to sort things out. Often people say things in the heat of the moment and don’t really mean it.

Stay safe and strong xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗👋

[Saree_p]

Sorry Jojo,

I don't know.

I guess that them not being onboard isn't a case of getting over it etc. the fact is they will never apologise for what they have said of me nor will they admit that they were wrong and it is clear they will not support us when it gets really tough. They had no idea what was really going on with me and simply listened to my parnter vent and reacted.

It's never going to be ok Jojo.... seriously... do I get a break? I need to just bloody make everything stop once and for all.

Hows poppy Jojo? and you?

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

First of all I’m really sorry for the delay in replying to your last post. Somehow I missed it and only realised today.

It’s unfortunate that your partner’s family don’t understand what you are going through. At least now you know what to expect and not rely on them for any support which must be really difficult for you.

How are the wedding plans coming along?

Are you able to discuss things with your psychologist as organising a wedding can be quite challenging and stressful?

I hope you are going a bit better since your last post and once again I apologise for missing it.

Poppy is going well thanks. She has stopped losing weight which I am very relieved about.

I am also going well. Our ukulele group recently did a small performance which was good fun. It’s such a happy little instrument and having a singsong always brightens my day.

Take good care of yourself Saree xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🙋‍♀️🐾

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

Psychologist is on holidays - again. and then she will be booked out. She had to reschedule our last appointment and I couldn't make the times she had free, so had to miss is and she went on holiday.

We went dress shopping the weekend past and I think I have found the perfect dress.....

My partners parents are just lying and manipulating him and I hate that. Our relationship nearly broke completely just over a week ago, but he changed. He didn't realise how he was making me feel etc. I just don't know how we are supposed to make it if his family are going to treat me as they have been?

It's such an insult to be told that I am not safe to be around children when my job was a child and adolescent counselor..... I've worked with kids and teens for the last 10 years. The kids love me.

and on what planet is "watching her swallow her medication" and "giving her allowance" okay? Oh, and I am not supposed to be offended.

sorry, ranting. I honestly do not know how we are going to go.... so the wedding is just a mess.

my life is a mess.

I just wish everything was over.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

That’s great news you have found the perfect wedding dress which is one thing less to worry about. I’m sorry your partner’s family are treating you so badly and seem to be judging you behind your back. You don’t deserve that.

From what you have shared previously I know you are an excellent worker and have helped many children and teens so it is very unfair of your partner’s family to say otherwise.

I know it’s extremely hard, but try not to listen to what they are saying about you as they don’t know what they are talking about.

Sorry you feel your life is a mess. It gets like that sometimes, so just remember this time will pass and push on through.

Try and make an appointment with your psychologist once she returns from holiday for some extra support.

Take good care of yourself xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗👋🐾

[Saree_p]

Wish things were manageable and survivable.

Done trying. Have to keep waiting and waiting for help, for change of meds, etc. Just can't take it anymore.

I know I should be stronger than this but I'm not