Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Sophie_M]

Hi Saree_p, 

It is so great to hear that you enjoing the new job - what a wonderful piece of good news for the forums to hear! Congratulations! 

It sounds like you are having a tough time at the moment and we want to congratulate you on being aware of it and for seeking support through the GP and you other professional support team. Mental Health is a journey we are all on and reaching out when we are not feeling great, or feel we are getting a bit worse, is a courageous and wonderful thing to do. WHat a great example for everyone who reads this post 🙂

If you do find yourself feeling the need for immediate help please know you can always call us, 24/7, on 1300 22 4636 to speak to someone. The team are brilliant at helping in the moment and can help plan out next steps with you as well. 

Well done again on the new job - it sounds like you are making a big difference in peoples lives.

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[smallwolf]

It sounds like things are on the improve for you.

Am I correct in assuming that things have been improving for you and working out ways of dealing with the ups and downs.

Me... I have left a door unlocked at night and leaving the oven on is something I have done on a regular basis ... at least recently. Each night now I double check the front/back door after we found the fly screen near the lock at the back door ripped.

Me again... swings and roundabouts. Something at work is irritating me (read "getting me down") but working through that (sort of).

[Saree_p]

Thanks Sophie and Tim,

apparently I am becoming manic and dangerous.

My partner came home about an hour ago and started a big fight then just walked off. He won't be back till late tonight if back at all. He told me I wasn't required at bowls and won't be able to attend till I'm stable. That is not his call!!! plus he is being a prick and only thinking of himself. It is not helping my anxiety. I got really angry/upset and threw the extra medication at him. I'm not taking shit I don't want to when he throws a tantrum when everything isn't his way.

We were planning the wedding, had a date and venue. But I guess it's all off. I'm looking at places to rent atm.

I'm over this all. I do not need everyone telling me what I need to do. I've been taking all my meds and still I'm going "manic"which everyone says is a problem. What if this is just me? Everyone needs to leave me alone.

Sorry. I am now ranting. Everything is 100 miles per hour and I need to just fix things, move forward, just get on with it. But then part of me is wondering if this is just because I am manic atm..... I don't know. give up. shoudl just go with my gut right? Why keep trying to please people you can not.

Sorry guys

[Sophie_M]

Hi Saree_p, 

We think that the best next step is to give us a call on 1300 22 4636 to get some more support. The team are brilliant at helping in the moment and can help you through some excercises to assist in slowing down your thoughts for the moment. 

If you prefer, our friends at Lifeline 13 11 14 are also lovely, kind and caring and can help with some quality stategies for right now.

We also think that Relationships Australia could be worth looking at to see if they can help with some advice. They have a number for each state which you can find on their website.

Hope this helps and that you are feeling ok right now.

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Good to hear from you and I was really glad to find out your job is going well and you are enjoying working there.

That could be part of the reason you are going a bit “manic”. Starting a new job brings with it some degree of stress. I have always found that when something really positive happens to me I am at risk of having another episode (despite taking medication) It’s as though I have a happiness level which keeps me stable, but when I go beyond that level there is a chance I will start revving up and become manic (hope this makes sense as it’s hard to explain).

I too have left the back door open and have unplugged the fridge because I was paranoid about the light inside it (I was convinced it was a camera!!). So you might want to try and check in with yourself and see if you are having any paranoid thoughts or not sleeping much or jumping from one thing to another without finishing anything.

I know at times I was in danger when I was manic as I would drive a bit erratically as I believed people were following me. So please listen to medical advice Saree as they only want to help you through this episode and keep you safe.

So please take good care of yourself and stay safe xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🎶

PS I am going well thanks and still enjoying learning to play the ukulele as it is such a happy little instrument

[smallwolf]

Not being able to do something like 'bowls' must be incredibly frustrating and upsetting. You must have been looking forward to going. It also sounds like this is a difficult time your partner as well, unsure how to respond to you and your needs (whatever they might be!). Perhaps a learning time for him also ...?

Though I am not entirely sure what you mean by the wanting everyone to leave you alone vs (what I think) is wanting be part of the activities your partner is doing. But hey, that is ME not understanding. I have to say I am unsure how the manic side of you get displayed in public places. This is just the ignorant side of me talking here and the "processes" that might exist to handle different situations. Not saying that "if X then Y" for all cases.

Now I am rambling! Might have to hit google.

@Jojo - go you with the ukulele. how long have you been doing this?

[Jojo100]

Hi Tim

Hope you are going well. I have only been playing the ukulele for a couple of months, but already I can play quite a few simple songs.

If you learn C, Am, F & G7 chords you can play lots of songs. It’s really enjoyable and a great mood lifter and distraction.

Do you have any hobbies?

Best wishes

Jojo 🎶

[Saree_p]

Hey Guys,

Sorry, I did loose the plot a little. Hitting the paranoid stage atm Jojo. I did end up taking the PRNs and am now still using a little extra whilst reentering the antidepressant. Guess see how it all goes.

My partner and I worked stuff out. He is just over stressed. which I can understand.... dealing with me and all.

Hope your both ok

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I’m so pleased to hear that you have managed to sort things out with your partner as you have both been through so much together.

It’s good to recognise that you did lose ‘the plot a little’ as hopefully you can learn from the experience and ideally prevent future episodes.

It sounds like you are already starting to get back on track by taking extra medication when needed.

Are you able to work atm?

I am very well thank you, although I wish the weather wasn’t so wet and stormy as it means I can’t go fishing. Did I tell you I caught a stingray a few weeks ago? It put up quite a fight!

So take care and stay safe xox

Lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🙋‍♀️

[Saree_p]

Hey Jojo,

Wow, a stingray!!! I remember when my sister caught a gummy shark with a broken arm when she was 8.... obviously she required a hand lol.

It would be nicer id it was not so wet, I agree.

I wasn't able to work, but had to go back the start of this week. I've been fully booked. I was paranoid at the start of the week, but was taking extra meds 3 times a day. I guess atleast now we have a medication plan in place.

I've crashed really badly today. Feeling so low. Even to the point were my partner allowed me to get the kindle I wanted and a bluetooth speaker for work. Should be happy, but all I feel like is that I just should die. I've got that lovely voice in my head telling me how worthless I am and how the world would be better off without me. Its real deep and really echoing. I know this is part of the process, but I just want it all to stop.

Sorry Jojo