Reality check - Anxiety, Depression, PTSD

[Mathy]

Hi All, I live with PTSD, Anxiety and Depression. My PTSD is pretty good, but the other 2 monsters not so. Last year I had arrived at a point where I was medication free, happy and functioning well. Then moving house and an incident at work left me back in the hole again. The work incident was a combination of a complete restructure of my hours and change of leadership - too much change, not handled well. I got suspended, and the process wasn’t handled well, so I bailed out of work for 3 weeks. In 6 years I’ve had 11 managers and #12 arrived 6 months ago, along with a change of 2/3 under managers. New manager is ok (but clueless) and the 2 new “under managers” are inclined to be variously, aggressive, rude and sarcastic. I guess that’s the reality of the “fast paced” world of retai - ha!

Slowly, over the last 6 months I’ve struggled to go to work, get out of bed, lost motivation, and lost the enjoyment of playing my sport - which ironically is important for maintaining my mental health. Sport is golf - so, exercise, challenge, discipline and friendships. I’m single, so this is important to me.

2 weeks ago I ran myself through a checklist and realised that I was NOT travelling at all well, so I upped my ADs and made an appt with my Psych - which is in 3 weeks time. Last Friday I had an enormous panic attack, following a Thursday night at work with the least favourite of the under managers. I guess my mind has decided it’s had enough, I ended up in ER (I’m 61, so can’t assume not a heart attack). So, I now have an appt with GP tomorrow and a sick certificate until next Monday - and I feel like rubbish.

So, if someone says to you that your work rate is “not good enough, *insert my name*”, in front of others, it could be interpreted as a joke or not. I’ve worked for this business for over 9 years, I work my butt off, and I found this insulting, joke or not. What do others feel? If once a week/fortnight one consistently had this sort of, or sarcastic interactions what would you think/feel? I guess I’m trying to decide if I’m being overly sensitive and possibly unfair.

Thoughts would be much appreciated, cheers M 🙂

[Mathy]

OK, so a summary of Psychiatrist and Psychologist appt’s.

Start with the easy one, that being my Psychiatrist. We had a very civilised conversation about medication, what to do and how to do it. That’s the beauty of seeing someone for, gosh I think it’s > 13 years. We know what medication works and just have to adjust the dosage. He trusts me to be sensible - which I am. We discussed a ramping it up plan, and them a tapering plan. He’s very happy about me seeing the Psychologist, which I can understand. I’m very lucky - he’s very empathetic and very good, I feel guilty taking time, because there are others who are in far greater need of his time than me. Seems’ he’s finally going to write to my GP about my medication and hand a bit of that responsibility over. But, if I want to see him, then please make an appointment - pretty awesome, I reckon.

The Sparrow and his Lady Sparrow are still contemplating matrimony 🙂

Working on the Psychologist’s appt, feel a bit confronted, still contemplating the ins and outs, cheers M 🙂

[Mathy]

OK, the Psychologists appt.

Firstly, this Psych I have confidence in, she’s empathetic, but tough - no wriggling out of anything. Which kind of makes sense, because you have to face up to “stuff”, that’s what Psychology is about. But after 14 years, I’d kind of forgotten how tough she can be - yikes! However, I’m a “wriggler”, so tough is what I need if I’m to achieve anything, psychologically speaking.

I first saw her after I experienced panic/anxiety attacks during my Honours Year. I then did exposure therapy and CBT with her after the roof collapse, and we were both confident that I was ok. Except that 6 months later, I wasn’t, I was depressed and suicidal. My GP gave me the phone number for the Psychiatrist I ended up seeing.

So, at this appt, I got asked

“why didn’t you come back if things went bad?” My response: I wasn’t in any state to think about it, I just went with the flow (which was true).

”the exposure therapy didn’t work?” - My Response - I’m not convinced about the value fo CBT for PTSD. When I discussed this very matter with my Psychiatrist, he pointed out that CBT utilises the “logic” part of the brain. And HE pointed out that it’s very difficult for the brain/mind to extract logic from a incomprehensible and illogical event, such as a roof falling on you, when basically that’s not a normal event. He did have a point about that.

So, we had a chat about the crap that’s been going on at work, specifically with the 2 under managers, and about work/life in general, there were quite a few years to catch up on.

Then there was a mention of Schema Therapy - which went straight over the top of my head, but having done some research, I’m thinking - Whoah, this is going to be tough.

Homework was documenting everything about the work related incidents - she did ask if I wanted to go the WorkCover route, and I said No. She said, document it anyway,

Our next encounter is next week, wish me luck lol. Cheers M 🙂

[Guest_128]

I like your Psych.🤗

[demonblaster]

Heyaz all Mathy sorry back now or recently was having net probs but have caught up.

Yeah it did come round quickly didn't it, sounds like you've got your work cut out and understandable to have issues post the roof jeez you poor thing, would be terrifying

Haha loven your birdy doco, sooo cute, what a clever chooky thinking to put the food thingy up, smiled at your Birdy matrimony still in process, haha cute or what.

You sound like a real survivor girl, sorry bout your grief, yeah I'm one that says tell em they're outta line as someone above said you don't have to take mental abuse esp from idiot bosses. Clueless. Taghhhhh

Take good care of yourself won't ya, be keen to hear how you go after next psych visit, sounds like you've got a good team by you, and you've always got us xx

[BballJ]

Hi Mathy,

Sounds like the psychiatrist appointment went quite well actually. Glad you have that great connection with them, they really can help pull you through some dark times.

Regarding the psychologist appointment, I enjoy the fact there is no mucking about and they make you think. That is very good of them and challenge you and I think any psychologist that challenges you is a good one because they are really trying to find the way your brain processes things which is great. Schema therapy sounds interesting, can you explain what it is at all?

Hoping this weeks appointment is good for you too.

My best,

Jay

[Mathy]

You crack me up Dory_ thank you 👍

Dory_ said:I like your Psych.🤗

[Mathy]

Hey DB, thank for calling in. I can’t work out which is your particular thread, so I can drop in. Always love your take on things, cheers M 🙂

[Mathy]

Hi Jay, thanks for you kind words. When I know about Schema Therapy, I’ll be sure to let everyone know 😎 👍

[Mathy]

UPDATE on the Sparrow version of The Bold and The Beautiful .......

Seems a bit flighty, this Lady Sparrow, spends some time with my guy, then disappears for a while - sigh 🙈

[demonblaster]

haha crackin up on sparrow bold and beautiful lmao, she sounds like she's a tart, maybe a bit of casual or open relationship maybe 😄

Thanks Mathy, I have a couple one I use the most probs is "Surviving being in a better place"
Uplifting the nice things you say ...thanks

So hold off on the flower arrangements for now for sparrow matrimony, you crack me up