Reality check - Anxiety, Depression, PTSD

[Mathy]

Hi All, I live with PTSD, Anxiety and Depression. My PTSD is pretty good, but the other 2 monsters not so. Last year I had arrived at a point where I was medication free, happy and functioning well. Then moving house and an incident at work left me back in the hole again. The work incident was a combination of a complete restructure of my hours and change of leadership - too much change, not handled well. I got suspended, and the process wasn’t handled well, so I bailed out of work for 3 weeks. In 6 years I’ve had 11 managers and #12 arrived 6 months ago, along with a change of 2/3 under managers. New manager is ok (but clueless) and the 2 new “under managers” are inclined to be variously, aggressive, rude and sarcastic. I guess that’s the reality of the “fast paced” world of retai - ha!

Slowly, over the last 6 months I’ve struggled to go to work, get out of bed, lost motivation, and lost the enjoyment of playing my sport - which ironically is important for maintaining my mental health. Sport is golf - so, exercise, challenge, discipline and friendships. I’m single, so this is important to me.

2 weeks ago I ran myself through a checklist and realised that I was NOT travelling at all well, so I upped my ADs and made an appt with my Psych - which is in 3 weeks time. Last Friday I had an enormous panic attack, following a Thursday night at work with the least favourite of the under managers. I guess my mind has decided it’s had enough, I ended up in ER (I’m 61, so can’t assume not a heart attack). So, I now have an appt with GP tomorrow and a sick certificate until next Monday - and I feel like rubbish.

So, if someone says to you that your work rate is “not good enough, *insert my name*”, in front of others, it could be interpreted as a joke or not. I’ve worked for this business for over 9 years, I work my butt off, and I found this insulting, joke or not. What do others feel? If once a week/fortnight one consistently had this sort of, or sarcastic interactions what would you think/feel? I guess I’m trying to decide if I’m being overly sensitive and possibly unfair.

Thoughts would be much appreciated, cheers M 🙂

[demonblaster]

Hi Mathy

Sorry it's all getting on top of you, rough. Jeez they go through managers aye. Unsettling and something in my past yrs of work I realized is there's very few people in a power situation that can handle it, treat people with respect's a lot more productive and makes for a better working situation with harmony.

I was thrown into a head cook job at a run down place, & picked it up and got it happening but boy got kicked in the .... & same as you worked butt off, giving untold respect backfired in so many ways, pffftttt.
But walked out with head high as it sounds you should too by what you said that you give 100%.

Good for you having the PTSD under control, that's a huge accomplishment & showing you have a great deal of strength happening although not feeling it atm, & to be off all meds and going ok, WOW nice one.
I'm hopeful that you've been there that you will get back to that good place in the future.

You're being pro active too which is healthy and showing strong survival by seeing GP and Psych in 3 wks.

Sorry you're in such an awful pit atm, and not playing Golf, popular game isn't it, indicates where you're at. Hope you feel at some time you want to get back to that, sounds like your peace is there.

Those mutts being sarcastic and carrying on, with luck they'll be some that get replaced too eventually, I've worked a lot of places in different types of work and often have found those types tend to move on or get flicked eventually. Shame the good one's clueless but maybe in time they'll get the swing of it all.

Hope you get some relief from your pain & that things begin soon to get brighter for you.

Best

[BballJ]

Hi Mathy,

I do not see that you are being overly sensitive at all, I don't think any manager has the right to call you out in front of others and almost try to embarrass you to make themselves feel good. Not good managerial skills at all. We have had a few people come through these forums with work related anxiety and when work is causing you this much worry and stress, is it 100% worth it to be there, I understand you have been there 9 years which I thought would constitute a level of respect from your managers but when you have had the many managers it is hard.

I think it is great that you have booked in to see the psych and been very proactive is making sure you get the required help from a trained professional.

Your health should always be the number 1 priority over any job so I do hope you continue to put that first.

My best for you,

Jay

[Mathy]

Thanks DB and Jay, for your kind thoughts and wisdom.

Jay, I’m 61, so getting another job is not going to be easy, if at all. For the moment, I need to make this work. “Gird my loins” so to speak and get back on the bike 🙂

DB, Yep, manager rotation is very disruptive, destroys relationships and trust. I have NFI (there’s an acronym I must submit to you) why such a large organisation continues to do this. From my leadership discussions over last year’s incident, there is precisely one leader left - he’s currently on holiday overseas - he went to Cuba and Las Vegas, between Hurricanes and shootings, have no idea if he’s still in one piece!

Saw my GP today (well, a GP from my practice), and I swear she was suffering from worse disorganised thinking than I was. Busy practicecmeans it can be difficult to see the “best” GP for the consult, and me requiring a double appointment ASAP meant that I basically had to take an available appointment. Anyway, it is what it is.

I’d already decided that I needed to see a Psychologist, because my Psychiatrist is a talk it out type, and I need to deal with my resilience, anxiety management and depression stuff - less talky and more practical action/homework stuff. I really need some funds from a mental health care plan to make that happen. Fortunately, GP asked if I had ever been to a psychologist, because that would save on wasting session time telling “the story”, and I have, and she was great. So upshot is, I’ve managed to get an appointment, but it’s not until Oct 16th, so I will have to face going back to work before I’ve dealt with the current issues. Hopefully, increased ADs will help, plus I’m the type who gets a “lift” from taking action and getting a plan in place .... hopefully this will keep me going.

[Guest_128]

Hey Mathy,

Hope you funny gorgeous dog has been behaving,

Here is what I recon with work, give it back to all the ah, they have no respect headbut them. Ok you know the game play it as nice as you can and some. Be strong and get whatever you can out of work.

Book ya self a golfing holiday in the near future for you to look forward to,pet friendly of course.

Dory👍🏻

[Mathy]

Hello you gorgeous and cute fish! Thanks for your thoughts 😊

Funny, I’ve already decided that “they” are going to have a learning experience about not demeaning others. In my own time, of course. They are young, and need to learn better.

My IG says thanks for the compliment ❤️, cheers M

[BballJ]

Hi Mathy,

I understand and I apologise for throwing out the "find a new job" line, I didn't think about your age and that it may be harder to find new work, not impossible of course.

I really like that you are pro-active and booked in that psychologist session, I understand it isn't for a little while so in the mean time I would highly recommend you keep using these forums and seeking support in people like us who suffer from a range of mental health issues, for your information I suffer from anxiety, mild depression and OCD (only found that our recently) so I have some understanding of how you are feeling at the moment but as much as I say this there is this strength I get from your post that you seem to have and I know it may not feel like it to you but you do seem very resilient. Very good quality to have.

My best,

Jay

[Mathy]

Thanks Jay, absolutely no offence taken. Honestly, if I was 5 years younger, I would think about quitting. I’m not without skills, and will explore that option when I’m in a better position mentally 🙂

[demonblaster]

welcome Mathy thx for coming back

Yes as Bball says I too see stength in you and resilience, you've got a good positivity there, definately the goods to pull through the hard times.

Yeah Im same, in work enviroment where we spend majority of our lives when working we've gotta be happy, that's down to who we work with I found, you can pretty well do any job as long as co workers are good. Agree they need to know their effect on you and your time there. In my experience working a lot of places there are less people in power than can handle it in a respectful way, foolish, get more outta workers if there's common respect & appreciation.

16th will come before you know it & good you've got here as mentioned too. Great that she was really nice, being comfy with someone when we're dealing with our deeps makes the world of difference aye.

Keep that great spirit up (Y)

[Mathy]

Hey DB, Thanks for your (as usual) cheery response. I have to go back to work on Monday, and if the worst I ever felt was a 10, then I’ve been stuck on 8 for the last 2 days. Internally I try to adopt a positive attitude, after all, I have much to be thankful for, I live on a lake and have beautiful sunsets and sunrises. I see pelicans and cormorants, rowers and fisher people. I can afford to live where I live and do the things I like to do.

I’d just about trade it all in to be rid of this anxiety problem. Aaaaargh!!

When I first got felled by anxiety and panic (that was before the accident that caused the PTSD), I gave up coffee and tea - ‘cos that’s what “healthy people” said to do. When I first went to see the pyschologist I’m going to see, she said “and it hasn’t worked, has it?” Correct.

June 19, I quit tobacco (I still use nicotine) - I’m probably going to be asked the same question, and I’ll probably get the same answer - lol.

But I am tough, the GP offered my mothers little helper, but I use equipment at work, so no can do, much as I’d like to, right now.

I did catch up with the one friend I can really discuss this with, today. She came down from the country to do some stuff.Did give me some thought that I could use my skills to get rid of some of my work hours, and make some money fixing things in rental properties - work in hardware, done several renovations, have power tools and can do those irritating little jobs that people find hard to get someone to do. Might be worth me thinking about.

Sorry, just having a vent, positivity should resume soon, cheers M