Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello

I do wish I had been able to get myself to a GROW session but I chickened out. Maybe I'll manage it next week. I just know I really need things to change. I need me to change. So I need to try something new.

Well, the social work committee sat together and watched our Hons proposal replies last night, and the co-ordinator advised us they were "well received". Nervously anticipating marks back next week!

I managed to fix my car, with the help of my brother and youtube. Not that I have money for petrol to drive it. The thing is, the Austudy payment is just too low for anything beyond the basics. And I don't think they factored in the cost of 3 pets when they set the payment amount (fair enough). I've just bought dog food, and have to hope the cat food lasts until next pay. And the internet payment will be overdue. Even the things I can't afford now, I won't be able to afford out of next pay either - painkillers, socks without holes, pegs... Sometimes I wonder how my life ended up like this. I can't work, unless I get better, so for now I subsist. It's really hard. Anyway...

The tiny houses have balloons tied to the fence today. Perhaps ready for tomorrow? I'll have to try and find when they will be open for a look. People tend to be pretty focused on the negatives, and they're certainly not a be-all and end-all, but they're something positive and I think that's worth celebrating.

OK, I'll concede the weather here isn't freezing by other people's standards lol. But I hate the cold! Good idea not getting Sam clipped, Hanna. I wish I had a nice fur coat! We're in for a nice front today/tomorrow. I can never decide whether to put the pot plants out or bring them in. Oh well. If they survive - good on them 🙂

Right - back to my assignment. My son loves Jordan Peterson by the way.

Hugs to all xo (apologies for the rather humbuggy post!)

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

We are down to minus-4 tonight, and that's before the wind chill factor - crikey yes it's cold here!!!! We had a mild winter last year but this year not so lucky.

I understand completely about the financial stuff. My friend in the other state is on unemployment benefits and barely survives. I defaulted on my home and car insurance payments this fortnight and have no idea how i will pay them next fornight. Sam's special diet from the vet which keeps him alive takes a huge amount out of my pension. I am forever juggling tiny bits of money from one account to another.. doing without things I need... think what a luxury it would be just to go out and buy a decent laptop, and some new shoes, and above all some new glasses so I could actually see more clearly... when I lived in coastal town another lady also on the dsp that I am on told me each fortnight by the end she was down to a few coins only - and I have been in that state many times too. So the only tiny comfort I can offer is that there are so many of us in the same situation...... our politicans just don't get it do they...

Maybe you can try another Grow meeting another week when you're feeling more up to it. The Hons stuff sounds promising for you anyway!

I just managed to afford some dinner for the next two nights so I am off to have that... I realised I missed Mad as Hell on the ABC the other night so I'll see if my computer can cope with me watching it on iview... I love satire.

I think you can feel the cold in coastal places because you get so used to balmy weather - and I know in your area you do get cold winds as I understand. I hope you have enough warm things. Any decent Op shops in your area?

sending hugs from us both here xoxoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy

Lass it's ok you didn't feel up to going to the session... it's hard doing the things like that... as everyone on here reminded me when I didn't make it to the neighbour day event... simply wanting to go & thinking about going is a very big achievement in itself... small steps... bye the bye... I should mention you have finished a university course & are considered talented enough to do your honours... you are making changes in your life lass... very big changes... that will increase your options for the future...

Wow how good are you fixing your car... even with help that is pretty impressive...

Lass trying to survive on a paltry amount of money that doesn't cover the basics is bloody hard... do use all the supports the ngo's offer... you probably are more knowledgeable about the services they offer in WA. than me... but one really helpful thing they can assist with is looking at your income & negotiating with companies on your behalf regarding paying your bills... it can help ease the stress if they can be all sorted for you...

Sending you huggily hugs from me & snuffily snuffles from Woofa

Paws

[ecomama]

Dearest Katy and Hanna, gosh I feel for you struggling financially. Massive hugs.

Yes it's a far colder Winter this year, or I'm just feeling it more IDK. The wind is icy.
I LOVE hot water bottles here! I just use old pillow cases as covers for them.

I know what it's like to struggle financially, the stress cannot be overestimated.
I got Church food pantry hand outs for years. I'd visit 2 Churches on the same day to save petrol and take as much as they could give me. The things I've done would make most people's hair curl.

But I found the local Community Gardens an incredible source of fresh fruit and veg I could pick for free. Here they're open 24/7 and everything's free to anyone.

I also joined my local LETS group and that changed our lives!
We actually had members mail us things from all over the world and no $$ charge. These generous people MAILED things to us for the alternative currency used.
People would drop food into us for no $$ and only using the units as a charge.

I really hope things change for you both very soon.
Please search local Churches and find out what they offer, these arrangements are set up for YOU! You don't need to convert or be a Christian or anything, just receive.

You are both SO WORTH it.

Love to you all
EMxxxx

[Hanna3]

Hi Em & Katy (Katy please excuse me replying to Em on your thread...)

Em what is a LETS group? I haven't heard of this. I'd love to know. Having constant financial stress is exhausting isn't it? You never stop worrying, you can never just go out and get what you need.... needing decent shoes and glasses to see with and safe tyres for the car... and paying the vet's bills - are all so difficult... and these are not luxuries. I have an old friend who is a children's doctor in the city and he says the pension is not enough for anyone to live on with any dignity. What a shame our governent (of any party) don't do more about it... everyone should be able to afford essential items.

Years ago I had a neighbour on unemployment and he couldn't afford to eat. I went out and got him food, but how terrible this happens in a country as wealthy as ours - and i see people around here building houses that are mansions, with inground pools and security fences and CCTV cameras and huge SUV cars.. we are getting such a gap between rich and poor...

Thank you for replying to Katy and me. I'm sorry you went through such a tough time too - but it has made you able to understand what it's like for others. Thanks for the support which was very kind of you! I have no idea how I am going to pay all the bills next fortnight... I guess at least I am not living somewhere where I am having bombs dropped on me or anything. Hope you are keeping OK.

Katy, hugs from us here - you are doing Uni, as Paws has said, that's already a big thing for you to be doing - and Hons is no small matter! Cheers!

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Nice to see you all here!

I googled yesterday and found an event for the opening of the tiny homes, so I got a free ticket and off I went. But I got turned away at the door - apparently it was the opening for community service organisations, not me lol. And there I was looking forward to the free food they were putting on! Bet there's none today for the opening to the public. Ho hum - me being a grump again...

To access food help around here is quite difficult unless you have transport. You need to be able to get to town to get a voucher, then go to the LIA where Foodbank is, and there's not even public transport that goes there. It's a weird set up. I do visit the soup van sometimes, which comes around 4 nights a week. Funny, people always want to win lotto so they can buy a big house, go on a holiday... I want to win to be able to eat, pay my bills, and help others like me.

Some nice rain overnight here, and looks like it's set in for the day. I need to ring Housing to clean the gutters. They're chockers and water has come into the laundry, and is also pooling under the eaves creating mould spots. I can't believe the temps get that low there, Hanna! I couldn't deal with that! Do stay warm x

Thanks for the tips and your concern, em x

And thanks for the reminder, everyone, that I'm going ok, even when I think I'm not. Everyone needs cheerleaders, right? x

Hugs, Hugs xo

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Gosh when I got up this morning it was minus-6 degrees and the frost was massive. At least it will kill the lawn for the time being and save me paying to get it mowed!

What a shame about the tiny houses, with you being a social work student it would have been so useful for you to have been able to view them.

The soup van sounds a good idea, I wish we had that here. One of the churches two nights a week offers hot food to homeless men - I can't imagine being homeless in these temperatures at night - and what they do for the other five days/nights for food I don't know...

I am crawling around town with almost no petrol in the car because I can't afford any until pension day on Monday.... it aint'fun is it. I agree about coming into money - I'd like a modest little home and enough money to get Sam's teeth fixed and buy things I need without fretting - and to do the occasional nice thing like a couple of days in another city, or a week's holiday somewhere once a year... that's about it!

this house is so cold we have to stay outside most of the day - you have to find the sunshine and sit or walk in it - we only come home for lunch and then when it's dusk.

Oh and I did find a good book at last in the library - it's The Course of Love by Alain de Botton, who gives talks on relationships - he wrote a novel about an imaginary couple's marriage and it's interspersed with comments about what's going right/wrong - it's a hilarious read and I have really enjoyed it - and it makes you think too.

Hugs from us here oxoxo (rather chilly ones, thank goodness for the heating in the lounge room) xoxo

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Hanna

Nice of you to pop in. Gosh, I can't believe how cold it is there. Makes me shivery just to think of it!

We've had showers on and off all day. I did get to go to the tiny house public opening today. They're really lovely, and feel more spacious than I was expecting. They also have reverse cycle aircon, and furniture etc has all been supplied. Yes, I can't imagine being homeless in winter. Here is cold (and wet) enough, let alone where you are. We have 2 soup vans here that operate different routes, as well as a place in town people can go for lunch. I have wondered what happens on the other days though.

I'm glad you found a good book. I'm still getting through my very average one. I've just submitted my final assignment for semester, so that feels good. Although, it just means it's time to get on with my thesis lol. No rest for the wicked, right?

Well, do try to keep warm. I'm sorry you're struggling with money too. It's really not pleasant, especially with no solution in sight. At least we have roofs over our heads, and warm blankets 🙂

Hugs, Katy

[monkey_magic]

Hi ladies,

I agree with what Em said and have also done things " in poverty/ when things were tight" that would make ppls hair curl lol, or rather look down on me....but things did improve once I got some work but I can empathize and understand not everyone is able to.

Reading here brought me back. I too was in financial hardship, and homeless, but it was warm at the time and I was also able to stay at a shelter for 3 mnths. I was still charged for the room there from my Centrelink which left me little. I've been there too.

I was lining up at those free or small fee food vans and was also assaulted at one.

Anyhow I can safely say that life took an uphill turn when my family let me stay with them.

It can be hard out there on your own. I used to desperately cry to strangers who would give me money. I was in so much shock and just asked ppl for money. I felt shame but just did what I had to do. And ate many $2 McDonald's hamburgers at that time, or passion fruits I would pick from other ppls places. Eating food other ppl left behind, or taking things I found that others left behind wasn't beneath me.

I feel like a changed person compared to those times now, and Churches and charities were also my go- too's.

Good luck with it all.

[Guest_1643]

hello everyone

hope all are okay and staying warm. sorry if this feels like an interruption but i just wanted to say i resonated with the last few posts and admire and see it as a strength to get help to keep going.

I have been in similar situations Monkey and although I am embarrassed by some of the ways I sought help etc it does give insight into what is out there and give faith in humanity - there are organisations that will not judge and will accept u as u are and help. if it helps you continue and stay strong for another day than it's worth it

Sending hugs to all