Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

hello

Everyone is always welcome here, and thankyou to everyone for your support and your sharing. The ability to ask for help is definitely a thing to be admired. I'm still working on it, but getting better. If you survived dark times, however you managed it, I applaud you.

I had a big cry to my psych today as i'm finding lots of things hard at the moment. Just want to be "normal" but I feel like I'm getting further and further away from normal. I'm hoping by some miracle I can get myself to a GROW meeting this week. I went to where the meetings are held today, and sat outside for an hour to try and feel comfortable there. I hope it helps.

I feel like I just want "space" to work on putting myself back together again, but I have money worries, and uni expectations, and prac coming up, and no-one here to support me. It just gets harder...

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

What a great idea going to the meeting place beforehand to get the feel...now you won't have the additional worry before a meeting of trying to find the right place, parking etc... I really hope by reducing those stresses it helps you to go. Lass remember... everyone who goes is there to get & give support to others... like here it will be a non judgmental space... with the benefit of in person support.

I wish I could give you a hug in real life lass

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

I can sympathize - I have money worries, chronic pain problem, worsening sight issues, Sam keeps getting sick, vet bills, and I have a relationship issue that I don't talk about here - having so much at once, like you with Uni/money problems/mh issues etc etc - gets overwhelming at times and it's also exhausting isn't it?

I try to just take it little bits at a time, if I focus on the whole lot it's too much - I try to just manage a day at a time - and try to stop myself overthinking the other problems - but yes it's very tough. I wonder with you how much the pressure of the Hons is making you feel worse about the other things...

If you can manage one session at the GROW would you feel better you had at least given it a go? You don't have to go ever again if you don't like it. On the other hand, if it's all becoming overwhelming is there anything you can put on the backburner so to speak?

This week I worked out the bills I had to pay. However tiny the amount I have left after those I just have to manage as best I can. I have cancelled things like getting Sam groomed although he needs it. I try to chill out at night and not let myself think about things too much. Music/talks on Utube, anything to distract me.

Car problems as well!

At least we know we're not alone... so many people have ongoing problems we are not alone... do whatever you feel is best for you re the meeting... sounds like Uni is going OK for you really...

Cheers and let's both hang in there! oxoxo

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hiya

I've decided not to go to GROW tonight. I've too much stress. I'm uncomfortable talking to people and I had to talk to 3 different people at uni today. That's enough for today. And waiting on marks due some time today. Oh well, GROW next week. It's not going anywhere...

To focus on a positive - there were crates of oranges outside the church today, so I've filled my fruit bowl. They're lovely and fresh and juicy 🙂

It's cold and I'm going to make soup tonight. Everyone seems to be down with the flu, so I want to get some nice healthy food in.

Hanna, it is exhausting, isn't it? The stress of all of it. I told my psych yesterday I just want to win lotto. She asked what I would do then. I replied: build a sanctuary for homeless dogs 🙂 🙂 🙂 Playing with dogs all day and not having to worry about jumping hoops sounds marvellous.

Hugs to all. Katy x

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

It stinks that the support payments aren't enough money to get what is needed without having to constantly count the pennies...I know it doesn't help now while you're frantically juggling what money you have... but lass try to remind yourself it's not for ever.

It's ok you not feeling up to going to Grow... it might take awhile of thinking about it before you feel going would be better for you than not going...

I love your lotto dream.... it sounds a lot like mine... we can never have too many dogs... it also reminded me of when my nephew was about 9... he promised me that when he grew up & got a job & I was old & grey... he would build a mansion & I could have my own bit & keep as many dogs as I wanted because he would pay for it all. I often remind him that I'm now old & grey & still waiting...

Gentlest of hugs

Paws

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi all 🙂

"he would build a mansion & I could have my own bit & keep as many dogs as I wanted because he would pay for it all. I often remind him that I'm now old & grey & still waiting..."

This gave me a grin - which is a great way to start the day - thankyou!

I also got a really great mark on my presentation, so that's a relief. Now I can start working on my thesis. It also looks like I finally have a new prac lined up, and it sounds interesting. Won't start for another month, so I'll have time to mentally prepare for it. Kind of scary, but what I signed up for.

Sunny and a freezing cold 😉 top of 18 here today! haha. I'm off to walk Stormy, and then maybe housework/garden/uni work. Pats and hugs all round x

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

Well done lass on getting a great mark on your presentation... though I think perhaps you were the only one doubting you could do it...

Hmmm... housework/garden/uni work.... my vote is garden... though you best be very rugged up with your freezing 18 degree day.. lol....

Do you grow any vegies?... I was thinking the growing season would be very different out west to what it is here... but you can make mini greenhouse/hothouse to protect seedlings & extend your growing season from simple second hand stuff like plastic bread bags... (or by growing inside next to a window that gets direct light) I was thinking it would give you an enjoyable thing to do in breaks between study sessions & it might help financially if you can grow some food yourself... I did find it very helpful (though the meals were very repetitive) growing food when I was struggling with a lack of needed money...

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

When I lived in another city in another state long ago, I used to volunteer to walk dogs for the local RSPCA. It was heartbreaking, they were so sad and traumatised. I wanted to take all of them home with me! A house for unloved dogs would be wonderful....

Glad you got some good Uni reports and a new prac placement sounds hopeful. Did you get some gardening done today? 18 degrees sounds like a warm day from where I am!!!!

I have a heap of music practice to do and my music teacher has grabbed a DVD doco I had from a friend about Nirvana...

Sam had a walk in a rather muddy park this arvo and is now snoring wrapped up in a blanket on the couch. Rainy bleak cold days are a bit yuk!

Are you still able to go to yoga outdoors? I wonder what things might be calming/therapeutic for you to do. Any good books to read? Do you enjoy music?

Pats to Stormy... a very cold night here tonight and we are in for possible snow next week.... eeeek.

Hugs!

[ecomama]

Hi Katy

Congratulations on your great mark for your presentation! Woohoo!

WELL DONE YOU!!!

I'm SO FREAKING PROUD of you!

Happy to hear about the new placement too.
May it be all you wish for and better than you could imagine.
That's what I'm putting out for you anyway lol.

Crikeys it's been cold lately. Much colder than I remember last Winter to be.

18C is arctic for me lol.
Once the temp goes under 20C I think it may as well snow brrrr.

I've been up with my new chickens at dawn every day since getting them (ok I slept in till 8am one day and I paid for it by their complaining lol), so I'm in the back yard at near dark every morning.
I feed them and lock them in their coop to deter the Brush Turkeys - 9 the other morning getting angry - then grab my rake and rake up the Autumn leaves which gets me pretty warm!

I give the girls an hour to eat then let them out again.

Rescue poodle is copying my daughter's rescue border collie by chasing away the Brush Turkeys from the chickens but only when it's warm lol. He is a poodle after all.

Our local RSPCA closed down here. Apparently due to funding issues (probably due to huge leaps in property value). But they homed ALL the dogs there last year. And with the amount of Community based pet rescues and high rehoming rates of these groups, it's really great to see from my POV.

We only take in rescue everything. Our new chickens are rescues too. It can be a menagerie at times but we love them and they know it. One chicken tries to get into my car every morning when I'm trying to leave for work!
I might even take her one day and then she may change her mind lol.
Therapy chook?
I'm sure the clients would love her lol.

Hugs to everyone,
EMxxxx

[ecomama]

Dear Hanna

Sorry I just reread back far enough to see you'd asked me a question about LETS.
Seriously this group changed our lives.
IDK if you have a local group near to where you live but don't be deterred, it's not a barter system, it's far more country town like than that.
Plus it's part of an international network which does and always has done AMAZING work for under privileged societies.

LETS stands for Local Exchange and Trading System.
It's part of the CES which is the Community Exchange System.
These use alternative currency NOT dollars and cents.

If I don't answer here, you can pop into my thread and ask whatever you want to ask.
I LOVE THESE GROUPS.

Also I saw you need expensive food from the Vet?
Have you tried searching online for pet supplies that may offer free postage?
I did this when we needed expensive tick and flea treatments, about half the cost, I was shocked.

Lastly PLEASE everyone, reach out to any Churches that have "Food Pantries". Our family had to survive on these for 5 years during the worst of times. I went to 3 to start with, then cut down to 2 every Thursday.
There is no shame whatsoever in asking there.
Neither of these asked me any personal questions at all.
I turned up they welcomed me in.
My Church even DELIVER free food to those who are unable to leave their homes for any reason at all.

Sometimes I didn't eat for days to feed the kids and one Church food pantry had a free Cafe which boxed up Cafe style food for me to take home too!

Please also remember the Community Gardens.
Some are just a short walk from our homes and open 24/7/366.
The more we use from these gardens, the more they plant!

Many Blessings
Love EMxxxx