Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[Doolhof]

Hi Startingnew,

Sorry to read you are feeling a bit helpless right now. Does it help you if you try to distract yourself with something?

I like the picture of the butterfly you have chosen for this forum. I still haven't found the time to get my drawing stuff out. I am off for a walk soon then to a meeting and tomorrow my Dad is coming to visit.

Recently I watched a painting completion set in Britain. The lady who won has a very unique way of painting, I really liked her paintings.

The guy who came equal second was fantastic at real life nature painting. You would think you were looking at a photo not a painting. The other guy painting in a more free flowing abstract kind of way. The commentators spoke of what he had painted otherwise I would not have known what I was looking at.

There are so many different styles for painting.

I'm waffling a little! Hope you are feeling a little better. Cheers for now from Dools

[startingnew]

ive been trying to distract myself but it not doing much for me.

i like the pic too wish i could draw like that, not as good as whoever did this one but maybe one day.

i dont watch painting shows or anythign but i do like art and admiring some of peoples works.

not really, im not feeling great

[startingnew]

Sara? Are you ok?

i havent triggered you again did i?

sorry if i did

[Just Sara]

Hey SN;

I'm grateful for your forgiving response to me early on. It's a relief to know you're still around and letting us know how you're going.

I won't be putting too much in today, I'm struggling a little myself. But that's ok, I'm used to it. Btw...love your blue butterfly!! What a fab colour!

Like Mrs D, I enjoy the arts too. It was one of my electives in high school. I liked the 'doing', but loved the history of it too. I recently saw a great movie/doco at the cinema about Claude Monet, my fave painter; tragic life though.

Do you get out to see movies? It's the popcorn and atmosphere I love, you can't get that from a DVD. I often sneak a coffee and hot meal in.

Anyway hun, I'll leave things here. Take care and have a nice weekend...

Sara x

[startingnew]

im sorry your struggling Sara

im not the best myself and struggling to still see a point of being here. i had a terrible therapy session yesterday which resulted in my therapist crying as well.

im so consumed wiht guilt, grief, hatred toward myelf that i dont know how to fix it anymore

[Just Sara]

I'm sorry things didn't go so well yesterday hun; it sounds like you and your therapist are struggling to find a 'beginning'.

Feeding yourself guilt and self loathing is as toxic as it gets. Consuming bad food, cigarettes, alcohol/drugs is the same in respect to the outcome...an eventual health crisis. It might take yrs of MI and SH to present as chronic physical symptoms, but it's no less urgent than not creating positive changes in lifestyle.

Wanting to feel well all at once is normal, but addressing one small thing at a time is the only way to achieve long term results.

Finding medication to address your anxiety is paramount at this stage to give your mind relief from toxic and repetitive thoughts. Are you taking an anti anxiety medication? (Something from the Benzodiazapine family for instance)

*Please remember I'm not a professional and any advice I give must be discussed with your GP.

Once your sleeping patterns and medication are right for you, things will feel better. There's always the option of spending time in hospital to give your mind a break from everyday responsibilities. There, you'll have 24/7 support from caring professionals who know your plight well. They'll know exactly what to do. It's just an option ok. Talk with your GP and Psychiatrist about it first.

When you reply, try to imagine these suggestions 'could' work, instead of feeling defeated. Sometimes you've got to fake it till you make it. Yes, cliche, but relevant.

Take care and don't give up on you...I'm not.

Sara x

[startingnew]

maybe i should make a goal... do you think that would work? just something small each day and even write it on here to you can follow with me....?

yes im on SSRI and antipsychotic meds. which are helping with sleep but not so much the depression and anxiety but i was told they can take a while to work, so my gp and psychiatrist is monitoring them to see they are going.

my psych already said i should go to hospital but i can tbring myself to do it.

im glad your not giving up on me, seems everyone else has

[Doolhof]

HI Startingnew,

Sorry to read you are feeling so yuck, it stinks doesn't it when life sucks so much. I really do hope that something comes along to brighten your mood.

Talking to therapists can bring up all kinds of emotions and feelings. I usually like to have a bit of time after to myself to think things through before I have to return to the real world. That helps me a little.

Do you have a favourite artist, a style of painting or drawing that you like more than another?

I sometimes borrow art books from the library just to look at the pictures.

Have you ever bought a colouring book? They were all the rage last year.

Cheers fro now from Dools

[startingnew]

no i dont have a fave artist but i like to freehand sketch and coloured pencils, i like paintings but i cant paint at all so ill stick to my drawings. yeah i ahve a fair few colouring books but at the moment i prefer to draw, i find its a good way to express what your feeling as well

[Starwolf]

I need to let you know I see your choice of profile pic as a step in the right direction.

A butterfly is a symbol of freedom and metamorphosis...no wonder it was chosen as BB logo. It means there IS something in you aiming in that direction, even if it is still confined to its cocoon at the moment.

All things begin with an idea, a dream...something within you is dreaming of spreading its wings. I hope you can see it as I do...an excellent start.