Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[startingnew]

Day 4

I again had a lot of anxiety during the night and was given another one
of my Prn meds and they eventually started to kick in. I had a chat to 2 psychiatrists, a psychologist and also my normal psychiatrist came and visited me as well. They said I was ok to go home if I wanted to but I declined but they changed me to a voluntary patient instead of involuntary. I had a lot of anxiety through the day as well. I sat down with a nurse though and got them to help me formulate a plan as to where to go from herewhihc was quite handy and
I think its simple enough to follow through with now. So today was quite a busy and productive day despite the anxiety

[startingnew]

Day 5

I had quite a lot of anxiety in the morning and again took a prn which
helped me take the edge off things.

it wasnt until after 1 that the pych assesment team came back in and
they gave me the all clear to go home. So in the meantime I did some
drawing again and ended up filling my whole art book up

I got home about 3ish

I told my friend who was looking after my horse that I was out of
hospital and I would catch up with her. I caught up with her about
5pm and wow she knows how to hug! Gosh it was just what I needed! The
last time she knew was ' im being admitted to hospital can u please
look after my horse until im out? I dont know how long ill be here”
thats all I could write in the state I was in but its good to know I
have some supports now. My mum her bf my pop and sisters all got a
reality ceck and realised how much ive been doing and are big more
supportive now. They also realised this wasnt a game I was playing
nor was it an attention seeking thing either.

They arent going to throw out my meds and are going to help me move
forward starting by giving me more time to myself instead of caring
for everyone and everything 24/7.

so all in all despite not wanting to go to hospital, I think it was well
worth going and that the first 3 days I really needed to be there. It
was the safest and smartest thing to do and I understand that now

[monkey_magic]

Hi starting new,

I listened to the song, it's warm and inspiring I believe, saying how we feel and that chapters end and new ones start.

Ive been in the mental health unit myself, it can be confusing,daunting, overwhelming etc. Important to be yourself in there. I'm passing on some strength for u to also know that u matter and to not let what happens in there define or make u feel less than loved and special.

I didn't think being in there was easy or comfortable. I'll let you make up your own mind and you are by writing about it.

Keep writing gal.

Hugs xox

[monkey_magic]

I also want to say ( you mentioned being a disappointment a lot) in the past. That is others have made u feel like u r or that u feel that way, I'd just like to say I know where you're coming from.

I'm someone that goes against the the " norm", the grain, whatever ppl want to call it. I don't always do what ppl expect of me or conditions opposed on me which can make me feel like an outsider ( because of others interpretations). I don't care. I live for me and experience what I want to.

They can keep their head in the sand or their mind in a box if it suits them.

[Doolhof]

Hi Starting New,

This may have been a very daunting experience for you, I just hope it is the start of a pathway that helps you to become better again.

Hoping you have a new understanding of who you are and what you hope for in the future.

I believe that if you had none gone to hospital voluntarily, you may well still be in the mental health unit for a lot longer.

Thinking of you and hoping you have the help and support you need now to cope.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

[startingnew]

Hi Steph

yes I very much
agree. The song is very powerful and gives some insight of how we are
feeling. That song at the moment describes me.

It was very daunting
and voerwhelming going to hospital but it was ok after 3 days. I
started to find myself again, not fully but just a little bit.



Hi Mrs D
I really hope this
is the new beginning too. I know its very possible that ill relapse
but I know more of the signs of going back to this way. Thank you
for your support

[Just Sara]

My sweet Essen;

I bet you've guessed what I'm about to write yeah? lol I'm so proud of you and especially your GP. I sighed with relief when I read about hospital. I know it was daunting, but how did it feel to have no responsibility and only care about yourself?

That's what struck me in hosp once the panic settled; I was being taken care of...totally.

I've read thru your day to day posts of how things went. You've expressed this well hun! Kudos!

It wasn't as scary as you thought; only good can come of it. I'm glad to read your family have seen the proverbial penny drop...finally! I'm also happy you've grasped how important it is to look after yourself first. Your friend who took care of your horse is amazing. Say 'Hi' from me ok?

I'm looking forward to your next post Essen. You know I'm here cheering and clapping in your honour. 🙂

Love ya...

Sara xo

[startingnew]

Ahh My Sara I have missed you!
Lol yes I knew your response was going to be somewhere along these lines.

Yes it was very much
panic for the first few days but then I realised I needed to be there. It was dangerous for me to continue how I was not only for me but for others as well.



Love you too! And you and others should be giving yourselves a MASSIVE clap. I wouldnt
know where id be without that guidance that ive been given on here to help me through to this point. Without you guys on here theres a chance I may not have been here now so in a way you have saved me too
and for that ill be forever grateful!

hmm actually maybe you could give me some sort of guidance (since your so good at it!!!)
since being out im having trouble adjusting back to normality.. is this normal? Can you help me?

[Starwolf]

Hi SN,

Though I haven't been writing recently, I have kept an eye on your thread. I'm popping in now to say how happy I am that the dreaded hospital stay made a positive difference. Not only do you sound a lot more stable, but your family has at last gained better understanding and rallied around you. It does make a big difference, doesn't it ?

I hope this is a new beginning and that it will help turn things around. Well done for doing what needed be done, in spite of your initial concerns. I applaud your courage and wish you the very best.

[Doolhof]

Hi Startingnew,

When I was admitted to the mental health unit, I went into ED with a police escort and via ambulance. I spent three nights in emergency waiting for a bed in the mental health unit. It is really different "living" in the emergency department for 4 days! I just stayed in one of those curtained off cubicles, venturing out to visit the toilet and the shower.

One funny event was a man brought in late one night who kept taking his clothes off and running around the emergency department. He made me laugh anyway.

Like I mentioned earlier, hopefully your going to hospital is going to help you in so many ways. You mentioned your family now understand how much you did at home, hopefully they will not be relying on you so much, and will help share around the responsibilities you had.

Be kind to yourself in all of this. Yes, you may well have another really low time, that is okay. I am sure many of us have them. Hopefully you will now learn helpful ways to see what is happening within yourself before it all becomes too much.

From here you can grow. You know that people can help you, you can ask them to do so again.

You may be confused about all that has happened these last few months. Give yourself time to sort it all out.

Wishing you all the best with this new beginning, with finding out more about yourself and seeing life through different eyes.

Huge hugs of encouragement to you! Well done. Cheers from Mrs. D.