Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[startingnew]

Thank you James much appreciated

i dont feel like ive made much progress though but im glad others can see it

Sara im so glad you think that. todays sessions was more to get the trust and comfort back as i was on the verge of changing as i wasnt comfrotable after the alst session and i lost alot of trust in her. but we ve managed to work out a few things today but slowly.

i dont honeslty know why your proud Sara, you have me baffled, i havent done much good on here except whinge lol

i dont mind at all sara ill take a look on there,

your acting like a proud mum lol

[blondguy]

Hey SN

You are a gem for hanging in there from when you first started to post SN

I just wanted to say you are a legend for the progress you have made....seriously!

I noticed you have been also helping new posters too :-)......Nice1

Huge kudos and a hug for you SN

Great stuff!!

Paul

[startingnew]

Thanks Paul 🙂

[startingnew]

God i feel like crapola today!!

I think these new meds are giving me migraines of a morning 😞 but its worth it for sleep

And this friggin foot of mine i can hardley move or walk in it today 😞

[Starwolf]

Dear SN, not self-harming for a week is a significant victory as it is. But the fact that it was so far away from your thoughts that it went unnoticed is brilliant.

Kudos to you for supporting others around the forums. Please don't stop because of one person's poor response. Keep in mind that most members are caught in their own bubble of suffering and sometimes see/understand what others write from a tainted perspective. Nothing wrong with letting it pass and avoiding further conversation with those who don't engage with us. Plenty others will continue to appreciate your support.

As for feeling you are a disappointment, you can shelve that thought too. We have all experienced mental conditions yo-yo swings. We are aware that setbacks are an inevitable part of the journey so take it from granted that the same applies to everyone.

You ARE doing well, you have progressed. Often hard to see when we are caught in our own pain but obvious to all who view it from the outside. That's why we keep pointing it out...just to re-balance things a little.

Fingers crossed today will improve for you as it goes.

[startingnew]

hi starwolf, the urges were most certainly there as well as the suicidal thoughts but i kept brushing the thoughts away and kept resisting the urges

yes its a bloody long hard journey but i guess if people are pointing out progress then there must be something going right even if icant see it yet 🙂

[startingnew]

thank you Starwolf

the urges and those horrid thoughts were still there but i brushed them off and resisted those urges . 6 days to go until 2 weeks

im glad others can see progress it must mean im doing something right even if i cant see it

[Starwolf]

Well done for taking things one day at a time. The easiest way to deal with a big problem is to break it up into small pieces. Thinking of the long-term can be too daunting...making it though one day is more achievable.

Days add up.

[startingnew]

thank you Starwolf

[startingnew]

well that was abit scary 😞

i dont know how long i was dissociated but it was a bloody long time. I think every memory i have esp the painful ones just literally played out like an old video

i didnt even think of it it was like watching a movie- it was very strange and very depressing esp the bad parts and when my horse that i ahd for 8 years was taken from me without me even getting to say good bye and its like a tease now becasue im not allowed to see her yet shes pretty much 5 min away from my house but if i go on the property they will call the cops on me. it went through my SA memories and my sisters dog attack and my time with my nan 😞 😞 and that final wave 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞

has anyone experienced this