Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[Ggrand]

Hello little butterfly...🦋..


I’m just calling in to give you a Easter basket with some chocolate 🍫 Easter eggs, Easter 🐰 bunnies and a few little 🐣🐣that grow into hens 🐓....and a little crystal jar full of hope...when your feeling despair, just open the little jar and you will be reminded of all the times that you pulled yourself up and got stronger every time....The little chickens are for you to watch and hopefully they will give you some peaceful times just sitting down and watching them play....bringing you into the here and now...

i hope you have a good day...and your feeling okay


Love and hugs..💕🤗..
Grandy..

[startingnew]

Hi DB, Grandy,Peps and everyone


thank you so much for your posts. I cant believe how long its been since ive been here. Im sorry...

There has been heaps happening since I last posted but not to sure where to start. Perhaps ill put it into dot points..


-im volunterring with 2 organisations now however they are both towards the end of the year
-Im working 3 jobs- one is still caring, the other is still the part time stuff with horses but the third one im working and helping kids- quite a few who are disabled which is quite challanging but also good too.
-Ive completed my studies now so I have 2 certificates to my name since late last year.


- ive still had a lot more downs then ups though. My emotions are still quite unstable where sometimes I dont even know what mood I am in. a lot more lately though ive been feeling quite lost and dare I say bored. I know ive got things to do but I find im bored and am just a boring person in general so its hard to try and find things to do.


- my gp and my nurse havent really been that supportive in anything either mental or physical and im finding im loosing trust in them. I do hope it wont get any worse though.


-Ive had my tests for my heart to which I actually got a second opnion because things just didnt look right and being brushed off as anxiety wasnt sitting well with me. The second gp explained things better. She had a look at my tests and has let me know that the arrythmias and things that were happening are quite normal for my age but if my symptoms worsen she will run some further and repeat tests so to just keep an eye on it but not to worry about it. She has explained that my symptoms can be caused by anxiety and because ive constantly got high adrenaline levels it can explain some of the results such as having a very high heart rate (well above 110 which isnt that great) but it does come down so thats a good sign. She has given me a medication to try and help with mananging my symptoms and ill see her again in 2 weeks for a checkup unless I need to see her earlier for side effects but have been told I need to give th enew meds a few days to actually get into my system. My blood pressure was also sky hgh and these meds help with that too so its doing 2 things at once.

[startingnew]

-i still see my psych, but my sessions are almost up. We are still working on exposure therapy, it is getting quite hard but I hope that it helps.


-ive been refferred to a psychiatrist but I had to cancel with her due to it being far to expensive at 500 per session with only 250 medicare rebated, so 250 out of pocket. Ive been refferred to another one though and still awaiting an appointment. Have been told that it can be a 6-8 week though.


- my finances are still very much struggling but with abit of extra work coming up in a few weeks im hoping itll take some pressure off abit with catching up on some bills and stuff around the pets and car too.




- ive had a few minor issues with my hand but it recovers quickly which is a big improvement, no longer in a walking boot either. My neck however has been really bad and the bones have been tender. I dont really want to bring it up with ym gp though as I know whats causing it. My teeth are giving me quite abit of trouble to say the least. I am nervous about the op and having so much to organise esp with minimal finances but I really want these things out!


I havent heard back from the hospital about my gynaecology appointments yet, im sort of ok with that. I really want it over and done with but with a few thngs happening it kind of ok its on the backbench for now.


-my roles offline have also increased with me having to help more with family such as babysitting for an extra few hrs every afternoon so im feeling abit limited in what I can do through the day.

Hmmm I think thats it.... oh DB you asked if I was still crochetting and I am. Ive finsished another blanket, a cushion cover and now working on another blanket. Im lacking motivation and with high amounts of pain atm its hard to crochet much. Itll get there though...

[startingnew]

thank you guys for also sharing your stories and days with me even when im not online. i look forward to reading them when i log on. sending much love hugs and butterflies to you all xoxox

[Peppermintbach]

Darling,

I am offering you a warm hug and much love. I’ll be back to talk later 🙂

Love,

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

so good to see you pepper girl xox

[demonblaster]

Darling SLD hey 😀 & all

Good seeing you. Been wondering how you've been getting on.

Wow congrats on 2 certificates.

Glad your heart atm is kinda ok sweet. Lets hope when you get on top of your stress it settles.

Cool crocheting going along nicely good to hear. Hope it has a calming effect.

Good job working with kids with needs. I reckon you'd suit that work you seem to have the maturity and good nature.

So good seeing you. Honestly you've been in my thoughts.

Take good care darling Wings.

Love and care always hun 🤗😚🦋

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all),

A lot certainly has happened...it all must be overwhelming and exhausting to say the very least. That is quite a stacked plate you have on your table...

Congratulations on your 2 new certificates. 2 very proud moments. I’m so happy for you, darling 🙂

The money struggles sound very stressful. I know that has been an ongoing issue. To be working 3 jobs and still be struggling is really rough...

About feeling bored, I don’t think it’s anything to do with you personally. I think you’re great 🙂 I suspect there’s possibly some other underlying reason e.g. maybe it’s the monotony of your carer/other duties, unsure of the future, lack of stimulation despite being busy, etc. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I feel being bored sometimes reflects other issues...

I think of you often, and I actually saw 2 white butterflies today. I haven’t seen many white ones lately so it was pretty special to spot 2...

Sitting with you and sending my love,

Pepper xoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Little Butterfly...It’s so very good to hear from you...

I want to also congratulate you on your 2 certificates..So very well done...

I am so pleased that your heart is okay...Stress can cause all sorts of health issues....I hope your stress passes soon..and your heart settles soon...

Working 3 Jobs...Oh Please Little butterfly don’t burn yourself out....Take things easily.....Please take care of yourself....

Sitting with you dear Little 🦋 butterfly....holding on to you with Deebi and Peppy and wishing you some peace in your days...

Love and hugs...🦋💜🤗...special 🦋..

Grandy..

[startingnew]

Hi Peps, DB and Grandy

Thank you all for your support and for your congrats on my certificates.


DB- yeah my heart is ok for now, just something to keep an eye on but hopefully these new medications will help with symptoms. It takes a few days to get into the system though. Its ok working with kids with needs,its a fairly repetitive job though but its abit of extra money in my pocket for now.



Peps- it is overwhelming and exhausting, I had my psych appointment today in which I forced myself to go. Right now im in shut down mode to cope so makes it hard to do much.
Financial stress is really hard, im trying my best to get on top of some of these bills and saving as well but its not proving to be very effective.
Yeah I was talking to my psych about being bored and how repeitive my life is along with stress as well. My boredom is also coming out because im just over it (as in everything)
im really glad your still seeing your butterflies- 2 makes it even better!



Grandy- Stress does cause quite a few problems hey, my stress isnt going to ease anytime in the near future but the meds im on should help with my heart things and easing that. Im already burnt out which is another thing I spoke to my psych about but I have to work so I can get on top of my bills. Its only an extra few days but every little bit helps.


Thank you for the continued support and for thinking of me.
Sending much love, hugs and butterfly wishes
xoxo