Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[Peppermintbach]

Hi beautiful Butterfly Wings (and a wave to Grandy and all),

Yes, it is a relief that it’s not broken. I agree...you’re probably over splints, casts, etc

Thank you so very much for the hugs and butterflies 🙂 Still feeling down and have just been doing some thinking...

Many squishy hugs and much love to you...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

Hi Guys

im having a rather hard time again. i kept myself relatively stable however the last 2 days have pretty much set me right back. im constantly upsetting people, and someone said that it was going to be my fault that they end up in a nursing home because i stress them out with the finances. its brought on really really high SH and SI urges. the only things that is keeping me semi ok is my crochetting.

after the past 2 days i cant imagine what the family bbq is going to be like, im almost thinking of trying to get out of it but it makes it worse when im not there. im sorry i dont mean to be negative. just every part of me is hurting at the moment. my best isnt good enough it seems

[Lici]

Hi startingnew,

Sorry to read that you're having a hard time. Can I point something out though? I hope this doesn't come across as too harsh, I'm sorry if it does.

You are not upsetting people. They are getting upset. You are not responsible for other people's feelings and thoughts or the way they react to anything you do. You are only responsible for your own actions, reactions etc. If people are getting upset, then that is on them. If you ask them what you can do to fix things and they can't give a reasonable answer, then that's on them. You can't make everyone happy. It's impossible and will only lead to you being miserable.

It would not be your fault if that person ends up in a nursing home because you are not responsible for them or their happiness. If they end up in a nursing home then that's on them.

Please please don't let your family make you responsible for their actions, reactions and feelings. You can't control that for them, you're not responsible for them. You're responsible for you. You can't read their minds, you cannot know what any one person thinks and feels or how they will react to anything at any given moment, therefore you can't possibly be responsible. Can you force your family to do things? Can you force them to feel things? The only thing any of us can do is control the way we feel and respond to situations within ourselves.

I'm sorry again if that comes across harsh. You just remind me of how I used to feel with my family. It wasn't until my psychiatrist said something along the lines of what I said above that I started to realise that I could stop feeling responsible for them and start controlling how I let them affect me and my mental health.

Hugs

Lici

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Little Wings (waves to Lici and all),

The last 2 days sound particularly rough. You must have been really overwhelmed to start wrestling with those dark thoughts...a gentle hug from me...I’m so glad you have your crochet as that seems to be making a world of difference.

Sighs, once again, people are using you as the scapegoat. I feel you are often unfairly blamed and accused of various things that are really not your “fault”, which would hurt a lot...

I don’t think you’re being “negative” and there’s no need to apologise. It’s okay...sometimes I feel it helps to vent and share feelings.

The upcoming family BBQ does seem to be stressing you out. Obviously if you go, it will probably be stressful. But if you don’t go, you’re worried about the backlash. Neither decision is ideal...it’s a tough call.

More gentle hugs, kind thoughts and love always...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxo

P.S. I saw 2 butterflies recently. They always warm my heart and make me think of you 🙂

[startingnew]

Hi Lici

Thank you for your post, you have made some good points and i can see where your coming from but i cant get it into my head. i have been working at this for a while and sometimes i can be ok with everything and most things go in one ear and out the other now but alot of things are still hitting hard no matter how much i tell myself the things youve said.

i guess it take more practice..

Hi Peps,

i went to the bbq yesterday and pretty much just stayed away from everyone. 6 hrs we were there and every minute i couldnt wait to get away from there. i really dont like to going to family things. the only way i tend to be ok is if i hang with people but literally be seen and not heard so thats usually what i do. or i just play on my phone because i have nothing to say to anyone. was a very long night.

the crochetting is helping for sure, ive been trying out different techniques but ive been rather tired the past few days. really drained and lethargic. so havent really been doing much of it. i havent really been sleeping much either and again financial struggles again worrying about how im suppose to get my medications in another day when my bank is empty and i cant borrow any. i dont want to do that. it is so damn embarrassing 😞 i really shouldve got meds then done the extra bill payments.

Wednesday is coming as well to talk to gp about the upcoming tests to be done. i have lots of sighing happening lately.

thank guys for being here for me xoxoxox

[startingnew]

oh and thanks Peps for sharing you lovely butterfly stories. i always love hearing about them. spring is here, we should start seeing some more of the monarch butterflie (the orange and black ones) and many more too 🙂

[Lici]

Hey startingnew,

Yeah it definitely takes some practice. I either verbally remind myself while stranding in front of the mirror, mentally remind myself when I'm in a situation with a family member (usually my mum) or write it down as a cbt type exercise. It's an on going thing that never actually stops, it's just become a habit for me now. Just when you find yourself thinking or saying "I can never do anything right, I'm always messing up and upsetting them" etc., that's where you practice at catching that thought and recognising it for the result of emotional abuse that it is. There's a reason your brain goes straight to blaming yourself and it's because the people around you have taught you to do that. Unlearning that is one of the hardest things to do. It's doable though.

Family bbqs are THE WORST! Especially when you feel like you don't fit in. My extended family are super weird. They lack social skills and some of them come across as a bit slow or something. I always look for an excuse to leave early when we have family stuff lol

I hope you sort out your finances soon! It sucks having that stress on top of everything else.

Hugs

Lici

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Butterfly Wings (and waves to all),

I’m going to give you an extra squishy (but gentle) hug this morning...there’s so much going on with you, as always...

The BBQ sounds like it just dragged, and for 6 hours no less...understandably you couldn’t wait for it to be over. I feel family obligations can be very exhausting and unpleasant...

You’re sounding rather down and flat. Not being able to pay for your meds is awful...financial stress is absolutely horrible. Can I ask how long till your next pay day?

I’m so pleased that you enjoy hearing about my Butterfly sightings. True, more butterflies in spring 🙂

I had a stressful day at work yesterday. Not too bad but this week will just be hectic at work. Hectic but I think that it should still be manageable. Also some family dramas...sighs...hopefully I’ll see some butterflies today. They always make me smile 🙂

Much love...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

Hi Lici

unlearning things are hard esp when its been drummed into your head for yrs. tricky but myabe one day itll be better huh. yes me too, i try my best to get out of them but i dont usually get out of them lol.

Hi Peps,

i am feeling rather run down. ive had abit of extra work but its physical so im getting more tired. the past 3 days have been really big and today was again big. i spent 3 hrs of pullin weeds and cleaning paddocks. thankfully i get a day or 2 off that way.

i went to the drs today and it feels like she really doesnt care. here do a blood test, if theres something there then reception will ring you if not just come back when you need.

i have managed to get one of my meds sorted out, another is going to run out in a few days so im hoping to have that sorted by then. my next pay isnt until later next week. such a long time away 😞 im having trouble with people paying yet again, i spoke with one of them the other day but not about money. they brought their horses feed and met me there. i usually buy the feeds but i think it was a way for her to get out of paying me. shes nearly a month behind. im starting to think about just giving it up. its costing me in petrol and my time when im not being paid for it.

Aww, things sound tough for you too. i hope things in your family get sorted, that sort of thing makes me feel really low too. maybe being busy at work will be a good distraction for you too. i hope youve seen some butterflies! i will send some extra ones your way. y'know this little butterfly isnt going anywhere, you can always save my avatar and when you need you can look at that xox

[demonblaster]

Hi darling/s

Keeping an eye on you SLD. Pfttt things don't seem to improving a great deal do they. That's right what you said about petrol let alone your time and physical health. What is it with people! Honey you're doing right by them, you're earning your $ I suggest don't do anymore till you get paid and you have every right to keep at them.

Loving you're doing your crocheting it sounds like that's a bit of light in your life. Good on you.

Sorry not replying to your replies, need to choof, headaches trying again.

Saw you got some sleep only temporarily. In Dools "Sleep thread " you might have seen there's some new techniques, worth a go darling if nothing else some distraction.

Sounds like your hands on the improve and toe not broken oh darlin 🤗 must have been so painful.

Keep keeping on our little winged Starts darling

🤗 nigh nite love 😚 and all your other loves here

Dear Peps I feel I'm neglecting you. Please know I care very much about you too and honestly you beautiful friends are all in my thoughts with love. See you at yours ☘was going in tonight but 🤕 headache 🤗