Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[james1]

Hey SN, sorry you had such a horrible night. That must've been really hard. It's good to remember that, even though it feels permanent, panic attacks do subside and all we can do is wait for them to pass. Have you got any techniques to help you?

James

[startingnew]

HI James

ive learnt that panic attacks dont kill me they are just super scary!

ive learnt to jsut breathe through it, usually go for a walk and remove myself from whatever situation it was that set it off, except for in sleep and i have no idea whats sets it off, i think its the nightmares that set it off in my sleep.

[Just Sara]

I don't have much to give today Essen, but I can't walk by without saying hello and letting you know I'm here, might not have the focus or coping to make much sense though.

I know things are difficult with panic attacks, I remember mine and cringe. You seem to have the right attitude which is a huge plus...you won't die and yes, they'll pass.

As for me...this too shall pass.

Love Sara xo

[startingnew]

i hope it passes quickly for you Sara (heart)

always know your loved. always

[startingnew]

i am really not doing so well today/tonight

all my memories of the dog attack are abck and i cant help but blame myself and feel guilty. its my fault and i cant help but feel like it 😞

then i was told that my grandmother is now in hospital and they dont know how much longer she will be around and if she makes it over the next 2 days then she will be going into a nursing home.

and the homework that i was given by my psychologist is sooo much. its not hard but its so overwhelming. she wants me to fill out a table everytime im triggered that invloved the date, rate the level of affect the lower the number the more depressed i am the higher the number the more anxious i am, what the trigger was, hoe my mind reacted, physical body reaction, the emotional response, the coping strategy i used and then how i felt after doing the coping strategy!

[Guest_128]

Hi ya,

Thats a whole lot of homework,tell her she's dreaming! Seriously that's to much. I would break it down a lot. If there's a massive trigger or something that really stands out put more info into them.

I am so sorry about your nan,it's such a terrible stage of life.

I am sorry I have not come up to speed with your story but am trying to as I like you.

Later

[Just Sara]

Morning Essen; (Shout out to 9NL)

Your homework is heavy going, but I grasp the rationale and forward thinking of your psych. She's trying to see if there's a pattern to your behaviour and responses. If you can pull it off, the information might enlighten and intrigue you.

Her request sounds similar to an ABC sheet used for events such as yours. It stands for Antecedent, Behaviour and Consequence. The antecedent is what happened prior to the effects, a description of the behaviour or in your case the response, and consequence is for what happens afterwards including coping strategies.

Having a small book with you in your bag instead of putting it on the PC is more productive. Once you've filled each page in (for one episode) over a month or whatever time span she wants, a table grid can be created on your PC from this book. Maybe you could do it for a week and see how you go, or if you need to make any adjustments.

This'll give you a statistical look at what's happening as well as find common denominators with each episode. Patterns that arise are really important, so sticking with the habit of filling out the pages as regularly as possible will also help you become an 'observer' of your responses without judgement.

I'm hoping if you can pull this off, it'll take the pressure off 'feeling' your reactions and instead 'watch' yourself going thru it; this can be a huge relief for some.

I'm in your corner hun, I know you can do this. Ask me for help if you need it ok. You go girl!

Empowering thoughts your way...

Sara xo

[startingnew]

Hey James

I mustve missed your post sorry!

Im always being told im overreacting or to get over it or to get over myself.

When I was admitted to hospital, it was in my best interests to tell my mother that I was
going to make a suicide attempt. I was still told I didnt need medications and I didnt need to go to hospital and I was attention seeking. Great thing to be told when I was intending on carrying out plans because I couldnt handle life.

im really hoping that has opened her eyes but some aspects she hasnt


Thankfully im not intending on going anywhere now, id rather stay alive than be buried next to my nan. Though is still have no idea why I was put on this
earth other than to be a slave.

But yes thats why we are all here.
While we cant fully understand the circumstances that others are going through, we can offer the best advice we can give based on our own experiences.

maybe one day ill be a wise old coot and be able to help others in the same situation as what ive been in, been through and come out the other side. just like Sara has- true inspiration right there!

Sometimes theres a light shining in an extremeley dark tunnel that I always try to be guided by, the keep reaching out for the one moments of peace so I
can get my life back together. And it would be a bonus not to let ptsd, bpd, anxieties and depression be that light. I would rather something more positive.

I need it more than I want it to be able to have something good happen, to actually show me that the world isnt this big ugly thing, that not everything has to involve traumas, or pain either psychologically or physically.

Its 6 months minimum wait for a group therapy and an 8 month wait for individual therapy.
I think the closest one the last time I looked was 2 hours from me. Id literally have to make a day of it as its a 4 hour trip for a 1 hour session. I dont want to go to group therapy tbh, I dont do well in a group setting . Im still in the process of looking and enquiring with a few more closer
therapists if they can do dbt therapy.

I have read up abit about DBT and its something that I think I would benefit from but its
getting into a psychologist. BUT.... theres always a but... I would have to change therapists again! Which would mean a 6th therapist in less than 10 months. I think ive found a keep with mine though, so in the 8 months wait I may not find ill need DBT and I am able to cope with the things the new therapist will be doing.

[startingnew]

Hi Later.

Yes its a
friggin whole heap, though im hoping it will lead to something that can work me out. They dont want a heap of information but its very time consuming when im having more than 7 triggers a day and most of the time thats a good day.

My nan, I know shes
a fighter but she is also 96 and has been sick for quite a while now and I would rather her be in a resting peaceful place as sad as it is. I really hate seeing people suffer.

Thats ok about not
coming up to speed there is a heap of pages with a whole heap of information so I wouldnt expect anyone too.

and i like you too 🙂

[startingnew]

hey my Sairebear

im really trying to pull it off Sara, I am but I cant seem to keep up! I have a few ofthe sheets with me through the day in my car and if soemthing triggers me the next stop ill write it down. Ive done over 40 tables in less than a week!
I havent been putting them onto the computer yet, if I run out of tables in my car ill start writing them in my phone and then when I get home transfer them to paper tables. So far she has only instructed me to do it this week, but I see her weekly so every monday. I guess ill find out on monday what she thinks...

I have never heard of ABC. Thanks for explaining that, totally new concept to me yet it makes sense and it also makes sense as to how you see why shes asked
me to fill all these in as I go through the week.

When you say 'observer' do you mean just writing each table down without too much
thought but then being able to go back through them and note when certain things occur and how I respond to them and also note whatworks and what doesnt in the form of coping strategies?




And by 'watch' instead of 'feeling' do you mean take notes of how im feeling but notact so badly on it? I always have trouble understanding this POV..

thanks Sara, I know I can always ask for your help, and that in itself helps 🙂

p.s love your new avatar. this one while i know your tough and storng and brave and wise and heaps more, this one shows your caressing side, the loving, sensitive, emotional side of you