Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[startingnew]

depression sucks

it sucks

it really really sucks

i hate it

its destroying me

its destroying my life

why the heck

why cant i beat this crap

i cant- thats why- im stupid and dont have the power to control it. it controls me and i cant stop it.

its like a massive freight train pushing me along all the time

i hate it

[Guest_128]

Hey you,

How was your day? What did you get up to?

Later

[startingnew]

Depression is destroying me Later

i cant get rid of it, it only gets worse

why wont it go away 😞

i just did another few hours of paddock cleaning and house work- nothing special

[startingnew]

i harldey like horses anymore. i thought this new horse would help me but i literally went there today and all i wanted to do was leave 😞

i was only there for half an hour and i wasnt time pressured.

thats not like me.

i just dont want to be there and when i am i want to get away as quick as possible- it not like me to do that

[Guest_128]

When's ya next app with gp,etc. For you not to be getting enjoyment out of the horses is a true sign that things aren't right for you. YOU need to get help.

it has been a crapy day here very cold and windy. I managed to dye my hair and make a massive pot of soup.

[startingnew]

i see my psychiatrist tomorrow

gp next week

psychologist next week as well

i use to enjoy the horses and for a week after i left hospital it was refreshing to see them but now i dont even want to be there. its the alst place i want to be. its right up there with home. these two places are the last palces i want to be

[startingnew]

i dont know what to do

my depression is super low

BUT

ive jsut encountered two anxiety triggers so now my anxiety is sky high but im too worn out to fight them.

how can i go from lower than th floor to higher than the sky in matter of minutes.

its ridiculous seriously and i cant do it anymore

i cant

i cant

[Guest_128]

Which a bit of tv,movie etc. any bs that's on.

Stop thinking about it all. Think about something else.

do something else.

And snuggle up and get a good night sleep.

By now you know I am very blunt but I do have a very warm heart.

The only person that can fix you is you.

Later

[startingnew]

Ok later

Ill try

[solabear]

Oh ..sweetie, you can do it, you will get through it. Remember it always gets better, nothing is permanent.

I agree with Later....You have to try to switch off and sleep. there are guided meditation videos on Youtube, you can try them to distract your mind....and just keep breathing gorgeous girl.

I'm sending a big solabear hug your way