I'm so sorry Essen that you've lapsed again re SH. I'm happy you're attending the psych visit on Thursday. Taking your journal is better than copy's because you can read out loud omitting bits you don't want them to hear. I do this as it keeps info within my control.
It sounds as though your body took a hard hit (SH) considering hospital was necessary; don't forget your body's your temple hun. It has to be there for many decades to come. Please be mindful and try to find others ways of releasing pent up feelings.
I used to scream into a pillow or beat it with my fists laying on my bed. This releases hormones that address pain, whether it's physical or emotional. If it's done for enough time, exhaustion helps to calm so rest/sleep afterwards can be achieved.
And; crying in the arms of someone who cares will give you nurturing. That's what seems to be missing hun. Please 'ask for help'...I can't stress this enough.
Your mum might not seem reasonable right now, but she's still your mother, and deep down her natural instincts to nurture are there. You don't have to tell her what's wrong, just ask her to let you cry on her shoulder saying; "I need my Mum"
Continue to post helping others as it's something you do well; it doesn't have to be lengthy or profound. This takes the emphasis off your pain, and makes you feel a bit better...worthy and valuable.
Please take care baby, I've had time off and may take more later; I always return though.
I'm with you in spirit...
Hugz...
Sara xo
