Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[startingnew]

i went and seen my psychiatrist today and im feeling a little bit better

firstly give my
medications another 2 weeks of still no effect start weining off it
and we can try another one.
She said i would ne getting alot of nausea because of such a high
dose of what im on so try the antacids. The stabbing pain isn't a
side effect of any of the meds on im so that is now ruled out.
She would like me to do a mindspot clinic for general anxiety and
also while im waiting on the victims of crime use the rest of my
mental health plan on the psych i will be seeing through the voc
service as ive only got 4 in left in this onr anyway and its coming
up for another review so ise these ones up.
She would like me to keep journalling and bring it in next time. I
want to be honest but im really nervous about handing it in. Not sure
what to do about it
I see her agin in a few weeks as shes given my gp the complex plan
amd while monitoring the reduction she would like me to see my gp
twice a week or my nurse and gp each once per week.
She said doing the artwork and constant exercise is good too

[startingnew]

The weight gain is another sode effect but we will.monitor it and
if the extra hour of exerciae isnt helping them we will tey another
one. She was going to try another one for sleep but its worse for
weight gain
She said if i need an earlier appointment and being
too anxious in the reduction come back earlier
She said the psych not to work on triggers yet do the modspot
clinic course which goes for about 10 weeks and general stuff with
the new psych them do triggers once ive got the bond between us
happening.
So back to the gp next to get the mental health plan sorted out so
i can get back to psychology

[startingnew]

My exam results are in and i passed at 80%

[startingnew]

i dont know who i am anymore

how do i rediscover myself

who am i

so much has changed since ive been on here and i dont even know who i am anymore

[Falling_Angel]

hi SN whats going on ????

[startingnew]

ive been through some traumatic events and i dont know how to get 'me' back







ive been diagnosed with comlpex PTSD, health anxiety, social phobia, severe depression and severe gad

I was sexually abused when I was abit younger and its still affecting



me and I have troubles coming to terms that it wasnt my fault. Ive



witnessed my youngest sister get attacked by a dog and I still bame myself for it.

[startingnew]

For both of these events I still get flashbacks and visions of what could



happen in the future as well as a lot of emotions around theses mixed



in with depression and the other anxieties as well.

over the past 6 months ive had 150 appointments through which ive been given the MI diagnoses, mild scoliosis, a slipped disk, torn ligaments and a torn tendon, i need glasses, ive had recent pelvic and abdominal exams which have come back LSIL HPV

ive seen 3 psycholigists and now will be the 4th soon when i get it organised

i dont have friends outside the forums and ive bene bullied quite alot

i dont have a supportive family either

i have been through a suicide prevention program and was Sh free for 2 months until yesterday- the 14-5-17

[startingnew]

ive recently discovered im bisexual

im a full time carer for my pop and also a primary carer for my 2 younger sisters

i also ahve 2 small part time jobs to keep my bills in check more so the psychologisy

ive recently completed my medical terminology course with an 80% result





i dont know who i am anymore.


i dont know how to move forward


i dont know how to rediscover myself

[startingnew]

locked in a prision with no escape
where her weary soul will reside
until there is nothing left inside
the fate of my her soul is long gone
for she has done too much wrongstruggling for air
clinging to whats left of anything
the walls close her in
her pain sings
sings so loud yet no one can hearso now here she sits where shes caves
and now shes lost among these wavesthe sun hid her face in the clouds
she didnt want the world to see her cry
shes lost all her desire to shine

shes really stepped over the line

[Falling_Angel]

interesting poem.... is it how your feeling SN? silly question i know im here IM HERE,

i dont know what to say as i have to wake up properly first but im here SN HUGS XX FA