Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[startingnew]

i went to my gp today and got the lump rechecked and the infection is clearing up and that it was a cyst in there. so keep taking the antibiotics and keep putting betadine on it and now that its closed over i dont have to keep it covered. so its healing well

i talked to my gp and not having my period for 2 months now and she would like to do an ultrasound on my ovaries to check for cysts there as i have a few other symptoms that match that as well as a thyroid condition but im just doing one step at a time.

[Falling_Angel]

Hey SN ,WOW im PROUD of you that is alot to deal with im glad it was only a cyst i have them too in my boob and under my arms hormones apperently and this other thing ive got .......you have to pat yourself on the back for that ...you sound confident and happy in the messages ,im so glad you got a great nurse by the sound of it and that she takes her job seriously obviously what a bonus 🙂

not good about periods etc but they are getting you checked so thats the main thing i hope to hear from u again soon....take care ...big hugs -hugs- FA XX

[startingnew]

My beautiful FA thank you, your kind words mean alot considering it was highly possible that i was going to go into hospital and i wasnt going to come back out. i was not well at all.

the nurse was good and my gps been really good to. ive had my pelvis ultrasound done and i was abit shocked at what she said but im finding it funny now lol

she said she had to keep pressing hard on all areas to find the ovaries caue apparently when your not sexually active they are hard to find i dont know lol its amusing though- yes i ahven been sexually active since i was 16 and wasnt my choice.

she said despite how completely nervous i was i was able to relax and let her do what she had to do and she aid that made her job easier and also helped her keep calm. she said theres something about me even if im anxious im still able to send of really calm vibes hmm weird but ok ill take that as a compliment

i go back to my gp on monday to find out ultrasound results and on the 16th i see the nurse for results for pelvic exam

[Falling_Angel]

Yes SN take that as a compliment well done and i guess its probably a tool u have had to use many times to mask your pain ....i replied on my thread hope today went well for you ? thinking of you x FA

[startingnew]

i had the ultrasound and its come back clear thank god for that.

im still having alot of stomach issues though- possibly ISB but i need to get blood tests yet

but on wednesday so the 10th of this month i go for my final study exam.

Sara- Missing you- hoping your ok and your still in my thoughts

[startingnew]

after the pain i was in last night i decided to get a second opinion rather than blaming my anxiety on every single thing.

so today i went and seen another gp for a second opinion and these were the results

he
was really nice and she pretty much runs on time. I had to fill in
papers and that took longer than expected so I held it up abit
we
discussed meications and all my symptoms and things as well. She felt
around my whol stomach and she said where most of the pain is gall
bladder so its ossible I have gall stones or starting to get them.
The other part of the pain could be IBS and also acid build up in my
stomach so all of that combined my god!
The
next bit is she wants a urine test to rule out any urinary tract
infections, bugs and parasites of any sorts. Sh said its unlikeley a
kidney infection but she is leaning more towards the IBS,acid and
gall stones.

She
said the stress would be contibuting to all of this and agrivating
the IBS and acid but she thinks I still have something going on with
gall baldder.

She
also wants to add other tests to the bloods my other gp has ordered
as well, so also check for other bugs, viruses, IBS, and anything
else and to also wait for the pap smear and std results to come back
to see how they are going as well.

Shes
prescibed me some antiacids but I dont think ill take them yet in
case they affect me badley and I cant afford that right now – no
this close to my exam
Wow
ok so thats a lot covered in a short time.





Secondly
I had the ultrasound. I could do a walk in as I hadnt eaten anything
so that came in handy and the smal mouth ful of liquid to go with
tablets is ok for this
it
took me 20 minutes to get the ultrasound done. Wow I could feel the
difference in pressures between both sides. The right side was really
painful and I tensed up so much.

Im
abit overweight so it was probably my fault she had to push so hard
but im working on that. Ive lsot 10 kg in like 4 months so I think im
doing ok. And only 4 kgs to go until im in a very healthy weight
range.

She
was nice but she was rough. Im glad I got a female though

[Falling_Angel]

wow SN thats great you went for second opinion , trust yourself and your body if u think it might not be your anxiety im sorry she was rough on you but glad you are getting the extra tests done if its gall bladder and stones youo want them taken care of straight away otherwise youll end up in agony and we dont want that,,,!!!!

So hopefully theyll sort you out before anything can go too far ... are the antiacids nexium?

goodluck with exams im extremely proud of you ....keep up the good work i know its frustrating but hpefully youll have answers soon ...thinking of you FA -hugs- x

[startingnew]

thanks for replying FA

Im already in agony and my gp kept telling me its just my anxiety but u can tel the difference. i get my ultrasound results tomorrow for my gall bladder and then maybe blood and urine tests whihc im not looking forward to

ive jsut completed 7 hours study and ive revisied all my notes for tomorrow and my exam is at 10am and i wont get time to study in the moring so i got a good session in today

umm i think thats what they are called. i ahvent got the script filled as yet though as i dont want a reaction this close to the exam. the last thing i want it to pull out right now so ill get them tomorrow and start taking them tomorrow.

snce ive been still it hasnt been as bad but now ive moved im getting a heap of pain again so yay not alot of sleep again

thanks FA for your support and kind words (heart, heart, heart) and big hugs to you too my special friend

[startingnew]

my exam yesterday :

so firstly i was super panicing to start with but i got there early. parking was shocking and it took me 20 minutes to walk there and then back so good exercise too lol
the room i was in wasnt booked and i was the only one there so prob looked like an idiot
And the people i was asking were confused about it
So now they had to ring the manager
then they couldnt find a room so i had to go wait in a staff room very awkwardly by myself.
oh i was in a hospital btw so it was a nurses staffroom- so pretty nerve wracking
i got into the bulidng ok but i ahd to ask a few nurses where the heck it the meeting room was that i was suppose to be in and as everthing is key coded i couldnt get in anyway so i had to wait for someone so i could ask them to ask if this was the right spot.
i met the supervisior and she was nice. there was another 2 people there but they were already in a medical field before they took on this one
the fella finsihed within like half an hour- there were 10 pages and i was only on my third one when he left.
and the other lady that was there kept sniffing the whole time, and pen tapping, and she had like mentos things so constantly unwrapping one of those and getting up for the bin. that was really annoying
i used up my whole 2 hours and went over it a few times. i got stuck quite a fair bit but i left them and kept doing the bits that i knew then when i did those i started to remember a few more things or as i was going through it prompted me as to the answer so that helped as well. i ahd to guess a few though but i dont think they are right but whats the worst thats going to happen it will be wrong and the ones i guessed were only 2 and they were only 2 marks each anyway so not a huge loss
while i was waiting awkwardly in the staff room i mangeded to get an extra 15 minutes study in- thnking uploading the first and main modules was a good idea as thats the ones with the roots/prefix/suffix things on it so the msot important one.
ill get my results back in about a week so lll be looking forward to getting that and hopefully i pass

[startingnew]

i had my results for my ultrasound results today and theres nothing wrong there.i must be imaging the pain, seriously i cant keep doing all these tests all the friggin time
and ive been trying to tell myself all day that i cant feel the pain, the stabbing pains arent there no matter how much they remind me. but...... im not really ahving much luck with that so im still trying mind over matter atm just wishing it really wasnt there.

i also woeked out something last night

ive had 150 appointments in 6 months (130 days) how crazy is that!!!! no wonder ive been feleing like my whole life is appointments!!!!