Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[startingnew]

wholy crap guys im feeling very very lucky and smart enough to get help when i needed it no matter how scared i was- i actually had to go to the hosiptal but not for MI as you guys know thats a big triggger for me but im very lucky i went!

[startingnew]

that lump was a big infection!

she said im lucky it
popped now as the gunk mustve been accumulating very quickly esp of
the 2 weeks I was monitoring and if it didnt pop I would have been
feeling a lot more sick with a greater infection with all the
accumulation of all that gunk.

She said im going to
be sore and sensitive for a few days but hopefully it settles soon.
She hd to play with it abit to check for anything else and how large
it was. She ended up findina another spot and when she did omg it
popped open and more and I was pretty much heaving at all the stuff
coming out! It was really disgusting!

[startingnew]

I have to take
antibiotics 3 times a day until I finish the 2 repeats and also get
my gp to check it on wednesday and if I need more antibiotcs to get
some more. I also have to use like an antiseptic with betadine being
the best she said 2-3 times a day so morning and after a shower. But
she said to keep it covered with a sterile dressing so that my
clothes dont keep rubbing on it so change it of a morning when I
stick the antiseptic on and then after my shower change it again and
apply more.

[startingnew]

i kinda wish my gp had of done thoses tests now like an ultrasound or something to detect it instead of waiitn and this was only after two weeks imagine if i had of waited longer! it might have infected my whole body (sepsis) wow gosh. i feel bloody lucky and relieved as she was very worried when i got there and was feeling around and realsied the state of it like a bloddy volcano erupting!

[Starwolf]

I'm relieved that this is getting sorted out...at last.

I wish you a speedy and trouble-free recovery.

Please take care.

[startingnew]

Big news guys!

[Falling_Angel]

HI SN , im glad your getting answers good to hear from you whats the big news ?? 🙂 xx -hugs-

[startingnew]

Hi beautiful FA

i braved a pelvic exam!!

but my lump burst yukky! And i have an infection but thats to put it simply ill write more soon 🙂

[startingnew]

ok so on monday i went to the nurse that did my pelvic exam and she answeed all my concerns and she reassured me and i felt comfortable to an extent to continue to get it done

She
said just coming in and asking about all those questions is a big
step.

She
proud that after I last appointment I went home and had a think about
what we had a talk about.

Shes
happy that I didnt go onto the internet to find out information and
that im honest in the way im feeling and how nervous I am. She
explains what she does with SA victims and everythign as well as she
understands how traumatising it must be for us to get it done. She
offered to do the exam today but I declined and said I would like it
done asap while im 'ok' with it

so i got it done on tuesday

[startingnew]

She
said im not comfortable I could dont the STD testing through urine
sample but I think its easier to get it all done in one hit so its
all done and the less I have to worry about. She said do those first
then see how I go with the rest of the pelvic exam if its not ok shes
happy to stop and organise it for when im ready to. She pretty much
giving me the reins and letting me have control over everything and
shes reassured me shes very experienced and I do trust her shes been
at the clinic for years now.