Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[james1]

Hey SN,

sorry to hear you're feeling pretty bad at the moment. Are you still on holiday? Sometimes it can be hard for us to relax on holiday because we're still worried about everything else, but it does sound like you enjoyed some of what you did? the lookout and lighthouse sounded very nice.

James

[Falling_Angel]

Hi SN , how are you?

sounds like a nice spot for a holiday and wow dolphins id love to see them i did once when i was in darwin it was aweseome . I know your worried about your tests and lumps etc but you wont know until you actually get too the day of tests and get results back so please try to not worry soo much and relax as much as you can if u cant study then just let yourself have some grief time , time for you and your needs etc......ive missed you hope you are doing better today take care -hugs- FA

[startingnew]

Ok so this has set
me off the rails and it set it off all the time.
The person who raped
me more than once and did othr things to me is the father of my
youngest sister. He often sends a card at her birthday, easter and
christmas but at easter and xmas he often sends a card but writes
just to then our names from his name.
This time however he
wrote to me and said to my name then love from dad- his name.

Its making me feel
very sick and bringing up a lot of memories and sensations and its
disgusting me. I cant stand being in my own body. I feel really gross
i can see it all and feel it all, i just want it to stop!

[startingnew]

i went to my gp today and got more results on the lump and also got a few things checked out, been abit absent lateley too

hows everyone been

[Starwolf]

It is easy to understand how and why those words would have shaken you. It is hard to move on when the person responsible for so much distress is still part of your life. Reminders are the last things you need...

Please keep in mind that memories belong to a past that no longer exists. The only way they can hurt you is if you are compelled to dwell on them. I hope you can distract yourself and focus your mind on whatever makes you feel good. This despicable excuse for a man has done enough damage as it it. You are now safe. He certainly doesn't deserve any of your time and thoughts.

I hope you can muster enough defiance not to let him worm his way into your here and now.

[Falling_Angel]

hi SN so you have some results? want to share ?

ill write to you on my thread because mine dont go thru here most of the time,hope your ok -hugs- FA

[startingnew]

hi Starwolf thank you for your responses im trying not to let it affect me i decied to throw the card in the bin

and yes guys i do some results and some good news

so firstly the good news to day it has been a month since i last SH and also as of today i successfully completed the suicide prevention program. im going to apply for some free SA counselling as well which if approved i get up to 20 free sessions that are free for me.

[startingnew]

and secondly the results

my gp thinks its askin infection/condition causing it so we are going to try a steroid cream over the weekend and see if it has any effect if not then i go in for more tests. the lump is really weird as it looks like a bruise but its spreading- like a growing bruise so its weird but ill see what happens on monday

also on monday is a double whammy with my gp appointment to get the lump checked and also a pelvic exam chat with the health nurse

[Starwolf]

SN...you ARE doing well. Congratulations !

[startingnew]

i ahd major anxiety attacks last night to the point where i kept throwing up. i think alot of the stresses are really getting to me. i only had 2 hours sleep last night and got to sleep at 5am.

im still really quite sick today so just taking ti easy today