Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[startingnew]

thanks Starwolf for your advice

i dont know what ive done wrong, everything apparently. i dont even think they would miss me if i was gone we were at a family function and everything i said was wrong and nothing i did was right and my sister kept being mean to me and i tried to get out of the situation so i sat back abit further and just played on my phone and i couldnt even do that right but i wasnt to be included in the conversation and they were all having a good laugh and talk. it was ok to start with like 10 minutes into it and then it just went down hill further and further

why does my family hate me

[Starwolf]

Does your family really hate you or is it just that they don't understand you, what you have been through, the toll it has taken and how much you are struggling ?

People feel uncomfortable and helpless when confronted with the unknown so they react in unhelpful ways or withdraw.

[startingnew]

I dont know. Im just going to leave it for now and tr and enjoy the holiday we are all about to go on

[startingnew]

And Sara.... thank you i for where your coming from too. I hope your doing ok... you havent been on here for a few days

And thank you starwolf for all your help too. Hope your traveling ok

[startingnew]

Sara- i hope your ok...? .

Youve got me worried

[startingnew]

my holidays have
started on wednesday so im three days into it now.

On wednesday it took
us 2 hours to get here and then we unpacked the cabin. And we went
shopping as well. We also went for a walk on the beach and went for a
bike ride. We spotted dolphins in te late afternoon and also went for
a walk around town




On thursday we went
to mini golf and fed the fish- its a huge communal fish garden that
we buy a bag of feed and we can feed them. Then we went for a walk
on the beach again and went shopping and exploring the town abit more
and all the little shops. We also stopped for ice cream and
milkshakes




and today(friday) we
went to a lookout and lighthouse, a very pretty beach, shopping, a
walk and a bike ride and also watched the dolphins this morning. It
was mostly driving around to get to these places but the views were
nice when we got to the beaces and the lighthouse and the lookout

[startingnew]

only had 2 hours
sleep last night which isnt helpful for me at all.
Im ok for the moment
just stressing about a few things but just trying to relax and make
sure my pop is ok which Is who I care for and ive organised a heap of
security things so I know hes safe and I call him twice a day as
well.

I havent been
studying which I know I should be but ive got no motivation and im
startting to think this holiday was a bad idea. Ive only got 2 weeks
study left now

my lump is getting
bigger again and I cant get in to see my gp until next thursday and
its got me really worried.

Ive organised to
speak to the womens health nurse about all the pap smear questions
and then ill organise the actul test while im there. My appointment
for that is the first of my so I can let you know mre about that when
I can get there, im going to see if I can get in any earlier though

[Guest_322]

Hey SN,

I noticed you have been worried about Sara. She's doing okay but her laptop was stolen last Sunday (she wrote about it on another thread), which is why she's been mostly absent from BB.

I hope this reassures you a bit. Take care.

Dottie x

[startingnew]

thanks for letting me know

[startingnew]

Ooooohhhhh i feel really really sick and embarrassed and ashamed and all my sa memories are coming up. Story to long to write on phone will tell u later but ugh ugh i want to cry