Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[Just Sara]

Yes you can!

Being frightened of these feelings is making matters worse. It can feel like you're dying, but you're not. Your body is experiencing a massive increase in adrenaline because of fear. Please call 1800 424 017 the Rape Crisis Line. Talking to someone who's calm and experienced will assist you to feel more secure.

I can't express this any other way than to say I'm really concerned for you. Try focusing on physical things in your room and breathe slowly. Walk around the room and thru the house. Stay away from thinking as much as possible.

You have to be your best friend right now. Panic will continue as long as you stay in fear. Nothing can hurt you right in this moment...nothing! Know this and just be still looking at things in your room then walk around focusing on your physical environment. Look at your fingers and feet, wiggle them and stamp on the floor. Is there anyone in the house with you?

If there is, please go to them and ask them to hug you. Don't converse with them, just allow yourself to be held. If there's no-one there, hug yourself putting your arms around your upper body and give yourself nurturing, just like you would a crying child. Cry for you.

When you feel a bit calm, call for help...please NM

Sara

[startingnew]

I cant sara 😷😧😭😭

[Just Sara]

I believe in you honey...I truly do.

Crying's good. Let it all out lovely. Everything's going to work out, you'll see. I know you don't believe me while you're in the middle of this. But time will pass, each moment will get you thru to the next.

Your heart's racing because of adrenaline. It's a physical reaction that can be managed. Maybe if you have a shower and focus on the water running down your face and hair, things may improve. Have a good cry while you're there.

If you have medication to treat anxiety please take some, a small amount can do wonders.

These things I've done for myself. Just move...force yourself to get up and walk. Tell yourself out loud..."I can do this" Continue talking out loud..."I can do this" Just move SN...just move...get up from where you are and walk.

I'm here hun...Sara

[startingnew]

Ive already tried some distractions but nothing is working.

I cant move sara.I feel like im so weighed down yet theres nothing here stopping me and no one is here with me.

Im not supported by family or friends anyway so it doesnt make a difference.

[Just Sara]

Dear SN;

Please know I care, but I do have to get going. I hope you're doing ok and will take my advice to get back into your body and out of your head.

Turn the computer off and focus on each moment while you do the doing.

Take care hun...look after you first

Sara

[startingnew]

Thanks Sara💙❤

[Doolhof]

Hi Startingnew,

This thread has just caught me attention. I haven't read all of it, but I do get the general line of what has happened in your past.

For those who have been sexually abused as a child or an adult, the feeling can be horrific. The main thing is to keep telling yourself that in no way was it your fault.

I understand the feelings of disgust, shame, pain and guilt, but they should not be yours, mine or any other victim's burden.

Hopefully by sharing your story here you are feeling more empowered as a person. Hopefully you will learn ways to let go of the deep pain.

Unfortunately the memories will always be there. We need to learn ways to make them less intense.

Remind yourself you were not to blame. Tell yourself that you have every right to feel safe in this world.

From Dools

[startingnew]

feel free to read the whole thread if you like. i wouldnt have put it up otherwise.

ive just crashed through the floor, and gone through it too and cant seem to drag myself back up.

im struggling so much and its killing me.

no matter how much i try i cant wash the digust and dirtiness away, ive been trying. no matter how much i tell myself it wasnt my fault it still keep coming back on me.

[Starwolf]

Dear Startingnew, I know that those feelings are horrible but they do come with the sexual abuse territory. You are not alone...what you are feeling is a "normal" reaction to abnormal circumstances. It takes time for therapy to help you reconfigure your mind and shift the blame where it really belongs. Healing is a process that cannot be fast forwarded. Please try to be patient with yourself.

If it all becomes too overwhelming, there's no need to struggle alone. It is much too difficult and totally unnecessary. So please do not hesitate to call the helpline or -even better- the Rape Crisis Hotline number that Sara gave you. There are times when we all need to have an open talk with someone who cares and understands. That's exactly why those helplines exist. Rest assured that those who answer have heard it all...and some more.

Peace of mind will return but there is no immediate resolution. See yourself at the start of a journey. Your feet are firmly set on the track. Well done for courageously taking those first few steps. You'll find good company along the way.

[startingnew]

thank you. i know. ive managed to get a slight bit of control through the day so i guess thats a start.