It was all my fault

[buster11]

Hi again - I'm not asking for sympathy nor understanding, a chat perhaps. I met an amazing lady about 2yrs ago and she took me in and cared for me amazingly. I was still seeing a lady that I'd spent time with previously but didn't and don't love at all, it was just companionship. I did the worse thing ever and slept with her again. Absolutely no idea why and I have regretted every second since. My partner who I just love beyond belief found out and we have been trying to work things out. The only thing is she has a really hard time dealing with it at times. For the past 2yrs it will be mentioned or more questions and it turns into a nightmare for me. I have done everything I can to write this horrible wrong but cant seem to get the chance to move on. About 3 weeks ago it came up again and out of frustration I've started harming myself because its something that keeps hitting in the face and just wont go away. I deserve everything I'm getting and dealing with but need it to go away (not forgotten) so we can both hopefully enjoy everything in front of us.

[startingnew]

are you seeing a therapist for yourself to help being able to cope more? you dont have to do it alone...

i dont have any experience with relationships so cant fully understand whats happening for you but can empathise with you and hear how difficult it must be for you.

im glad thigns are going well with your kids and still improving, thats always nice to hear.

im not good at all, and surgury was a success. no more cancers and the scar isnt as horrible looking as it once did to me thanks for asking

[buster11]

I'm not seeing a therapist - I was, but I felt I was saying the same things over and over where at the end of the day, its up to me if I choose to stay or not. But god it's very hard to walk away.

I'm sorry you're not good. I hope you are getting help? Do you have support?

[startingnew]

thats entirely your choice and i respect what ever decision you make as its the best one youve decided for yourself. maybe with a little more time things will clear up and become easier and she will forgive and let it go.

i have good supports in place, one being here so will be ok. one step at a time and thats all we can do

[buster11]

That's all I want to happen - then we can both move forward and happy.

I'm pleased you have the support and on here can be great too. Hang in there - i'm always happy to chat too

[startingnew]

i hope that time comes soon enough for you itll make both of your lives better too.

and thanks for the offer to chat, im going ok today

[buster11]

It cant come soon enough.

Good to hear that you've had a good day. Take each day as it comes and i'm sure the good's will outweigh the bad ones

[demonblaster]

Buster and everyone Hi 🙂

As long as there's a lot of meat on pizzas I'm a happy camper 😄

Buster reading your op (original post) it's very clear you love your partner very much and that she's still with you indicates it's reciprocated.

I agree with M.Magic above she's clearly not over the pain which would take time. Trust has been broken which I believe can be gained again but takes time.
Also mentioned above agree if there's ways you can give her reason to trust you again by maybe giving her more attention, reason to believe she's the one for you, let her know where you are what you're doing, keeping in regular contact wether text calls etc. Do you have much time together I"m wondering which could help deepen your relationship.

How are you going with SH, is the counselling helping?

Does she understand how much you do love her and that this is something you regret which I'm sure you've explained and that it had no meaning as in that you don't love her but you do this lady.

How are you both now?

[buster11]

Hi demonblaster - love a good pizza too, but it needs chilli too

I have absolutely tried and showed how much I love her. She believes me and I believe she loves me deeply too. Things are good for a period of 2-3 weeks and then out of the blue a question is asked from her and then its back at the front of our relationship again. I understand how much I have hurt her (although she doesn't think I do) but anything I do is just not accepted. I'm constantly in contact with her when i'm not with her - we actually live together. Sometimes i feel like the easy target for when things go wrong. I'm not the victim here - she is, but after about 2yrs surely I need to be able to like myself again and feel comfortable and not on constant edge.

[demonblaster]

Yip understand

I know you said she feels it wasnt her fault fair enough but do you think could help both having some counselling together could help air more maybe resolve or learn coping skills.

You may have hit on something there, when things arent so good her pains rising to the surface more often.

Certainly sounds like you're both worth doing the hard yards which need ironing out as you both deeply love eachother.

Dont feel obliged to reply I was wondering if there was a reason you went with the other chook, or in the moment action,possibly your love might be feeling inadequate. Hope not to be upsetting you just trying to see from other angles to hopefully help ☺

[buster11]

Thanks demonblaster - she wont go to counselling as it wasn't her that 'damaged us"

I went with the other person because I was a fool. In the moment and the worse mistake of my life. I seriously have no other excuse other than that. Stupid stupid mistake.