It doesn't get any better

[Lostworld]

It's been 2 years now that i have been seeing doctors near weekly and still my mind is clouded with the question "Why?" Why go on, why bother, life is just too hard, i keep thinking of how to end it, the anti depressants i just came off had me curled up in bed 20 hours a day grinding my teeth and petrified to got out, even now I am off them, i feel it's all pointless.

[blondguy]

Hi Barry

It bugs me when 'some' doctors mention addiction or dependency despite the symptoms.

I just dont think that dependency is relevant when a person's quality of life has been reasonably stabilized

Geoff mentioned Ocean going yachts being a huge trigger for a very serious anxiety attack. I know you didnt have an issue with being on the Sydney to Hobart (and all your other ocean going adventures) but didnt you ever get seasick at all?

I still dont understand how you did it

my kindest thoughts. Paul

[Croix]

Dear Lostworld~

Last time we talked you mentioned oyu were going to meet with your birth-mother then next day. Do you mind if I ask how it went?

I have no idea how I'd react in such a situation, I ended up not getting on with my parents, but they were my natural ones - wish they weren't as then I could be sure I have not picked up any of their traits.

Maybe I'd be curious, maybe I'd feel she'd let me down - dunno. Maybe I'd just listen.

Anyway I'd be interested in your thoughts - if you would like to say.

I'm still keen on the dogs, do you have room for two when the new pup comes? What do you call this one?

Pity your sister has attitude -w hat does her partner do - the one that's half way reasonable?

Tired so I'm off, had a long day yesterday.

Forgot to ask -some here are calling you Barry -do you mind if I do too?

Croix

[Lostworld]

Geoff

thanks for posting, you are no less of a man than I am, we are just made up different ways, as i have pheochromocytomas, it makes the adrenaline gland produce adrenaline nearly 24 hours, so i just crave high risk stuff to keep the buzz, you are lucky you can eat shell fish, i could say that makes you more of a kan than me, but we are just made up different, i have to carry one of those pens around with me due to all my allergies, so you are stronger in your own ways. We are all created equal i believe, equal in strengh, we just get to apply it differently.

LW

[Lostworld]

Paul

I Wrote to 3 senators about my benzo issue and other issues, they have now all taken on my case and are investigating what is going on and how they can help. Dont be afraid to use the people we voted into power or the opposition. It can lift you and get results

LW

[Lostworld]

Paul

I Have had panic attacks and not even been able to get on the yacht sometimes, but i still did the big races, panic was 30 minutes before the start of the Sydney to Hobart we lost all instruments, i was downstairs tightening every junction in the system, downstairs and me dont mix well, i get sick so easy, but am ok after 1 day, i got the system back online, Sydney jas more humidity than Melbourne and it creates enough moistures to cause electrical issues.

Imanage my sickness by keep eating, that way the body is getting some goodness to fight it and keep strength so you stabilize quicker.

LW

[Lostworld]

Croix

Barry is fine. Due to unforseen circumstances we didnt get to meet. Maybe that was best, walking in with an assistance dog and having to explain my health conditions may have been too much, I also have a certain amount of dignity that i would feel even more a failure. I feel that way now.

Maybe its better the meeting didnt happen or it wasnt meant to happen. I have become to believe in god in that each day he lookds down and says to himself, how can I screw things up for Barry today.

My sisters husband is a lawyer for the equivalent of Telstra in NZ.

Barry

[Lostworld]

I would like to make it clear to everyone and the champions that I am not expecting help here as my condition has been diagnosed as permanent. The only things that can be done is find the right combination of medications, which RAW's new mental health nurse is sorting out as she has 20 years experience and knows what she is doing, she has reccomended adding an anti psycotic, the same one my psychologist reccomended.

She is also working on getting me into the psychiatrist to stay on the benzo I am on, as stopping it will make me suicidal and increase my ED presentations.

I Have a 700sqm block with a 3 bedroom house, which is more setup as a man cave as i have some of my woodworking setup inside as i only have a small shed and its cold.

Hopefully people can read my thread and maybe not feel so alone as I did with my symptoms, yes i get really badly down and end up in hospital, but hopefully others may follow that route instead of just leaving us.

All my posts are all about the things that have got me to this point where I think about it every day, every hour. But I go on for now with the little strength i have left.

[Croix]

Dear Barry~

How we met is not important, you have dignity in spades, frankly impressing me with you fortitude in dealing with the crap life has handed you. As for having the dog - good, give he/she? a pat for me.

I think you are wrong about help here. No, I and the others, cc's or not, cannot fix your body but can try to supply a little balm to your mind. You notice I talk to you about things in life not really related to your privations.

It may be a humble offering, transitory too, however it's genuine, not only out of a desire to help, but out of interest and perhaps even a drop of fellow feeling.

If there is a god determined to screw Barry up on a daily basis perhaps we can put a spanner in his works.

I'm glad I asked about your brother-in-law, now I know enough not to indulge in lawyer jokes here:)

What got you into woodworking? What sort of things do you make? I'm pretty good at simple bookcases - have to be as I'm knee deep in books in every room. I make them out of pine just small enough to go through doorways on an angle.

I do think you are right about one thing, people reading your thread will marvel at how humans can abide great privation and continue wanting to help others.

Talk again

Croix

[blondguy]

Hi Barry

I still think it takes a lot of guts to even step foot on an ocean going yacht

Thanks for mentioning writing to state MP about the Federal Govt restricting this benzo. The mind boggles after so many years of having a better quality of life they restrict it to the people that use it responsibly

I wish they would put their energy into a quality anti-meth project instead

Great to have you on the forums Barry

my best

Paul

[Lostworld]

Croix

Thanks, maybe we can get somewhere, by the way i got 19% in English in form 5, so understanding your posts can be a task for me. 🙂

My father was a carpenter, a cabinet maker and a master craftsman, he trained 3 apprentices and they all got apprentice of the year, he loves teak, i was 5 when i I first got on a building sight and use to work doing that on school holidays to earn money, not like today's a kids who sit round playing console games all holidays. My father's work was surpassed by no-one. It was one thing he was great at and golf, and that's it.

His father was a carpenter too, but sadly passed away when i was 4, he and his wife went to the races, he was mad on the GG's and dropped dead at the track, grandma couldn't find him so she went home. I was close to him in the 4 short years.

Alsobetween IT jobs I worked with a friend building, we worked for Simonds homes for a while, from slab to roof trusses on for a 35 sq two storey we were knocking them out in 5 days.

Now i makes pens, gutairs, and other stuff since Australia's largest Huon Pine saw mill is 2 minutes drive away i make a lot from it.

Barry