In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

[Simona]

Hello.  I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me.  And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know  what else to do.  And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps.  My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking.  Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS.   And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there.   I have  no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me.  I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!".     I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat.  Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD.   So far today I'm ok i think.   I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair.  A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok.  I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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[Simona]

My online spending is the worst though. I shift money from one account to another to hide it. Then there's my Afterpay account. These are the things I'm sweating over when I'm in the mhu. Oh, and the laybys. I can't be in the mhu because I need to cover my tracks and keep up with payments

[Simona]

It's 2pm and I'm still feeling ok. I'm hoping so much this lasts. Thursday is my psychologist. Friday my mh support worker. This is how I want them to see me. This is me stable

[Guest_9809]

Fantastic news Simona. Do whatever it takes to remain that way. You know the things that work, stick with them. And keep in touch with us as well. You have a busy and important couple of days ahead of you.

Did Speedy the cat have his little operation yesterday? Hopefully he is all pretty much back to his usual self by now.

Kindest regards, and an encouraging hug to you.

Taurus xx

[Simona]

Hello Taurus : ) I already posted about Speedy and some other things like how I'm going etc. I don't know where my other two posts are.

[Guest_9809]

Hi Simona, yep your other posts have just slotted in late, above my post there. So yes, I am now all up to date. (-:

Glad to hear Speedy's op went well, poor little guy. Also that your clinician appointment went well. Good on you.

Hugs,

Taurus xx

[Starwolf]

Doing your own research on mental illness is a smart move. It takes the poor relationship with your mh team out of the equation. This way, you can get a clearer idea of what your mental/emotional situation is. Your clinician hit the nail on the head. You have a good insight into your mental states. A good start towards managing them. You're doing well.

I am so glad you have been feeling OK...As for "retail therapy", just like anything that makes us feel temporarily better, it can easily turn into an addiction. And addictions tend to get out of hand and end up creating more problems than they solve. I hope you can get a good handle on that too so that you can avoid the extra stress it brings into your life.

Animals do recover well from surgery. When it comes to desexing, they don't have all the hang ups humans do about sex. Either the need for it is there or it is not. Remove sexual organs and the need disappears. There is no ego issues attached to those organs. A castrated male or spayed female doesn't feel less of a cat, dog, whatever because they've been removed. They just live life urge free. No regrets, no wounded egos. Speedy will be just fine...though little Cupcake will continue to be a frustrated, annoying little tyke whenever she is in season. Because of this, both cats will probably keep mating but without results. If the female is desexed, the idea of mating will no longer enter Speedy's mind. That's usually how it works.

My thoughts will be with you these next couple of days.

[Simona]

Hello Star It's 2pm and I'm so depressed and suicidal. I was in town but i just didn't want to come home anymore. I was fighting the urge. So I parked the car. Texted my partner. Rang my mh clinician but she's not in till Friday. A nice sounding man rang me back to try and get me to talk but I'm too paranoid to talk to anyone else.

I just want my babies to come home from school.

[Starwolf]

Sorry about this turn around...but you know it's only a passing mood, don't you ? Your children will soon be back from school. They need you to hang in there. I guess those looming appointments are weighing at the back of your mind. But you've been there, done that and will do it again. You know you can ace it and in style too.

It is up to you whether you want to talk with that guy or not. See how you feel...

Remember...just a couple of to do things to tick off the list. Those days will soon be behind you and you can look forward to a more peaceful end of week.

Thinking of you and sending a cyber hug your way.

[Simona]

Thank-you Star. I can't talk to anyone. I really appreciate your kind words and hug.

[Starwolf]

Just sitting here with you a while...in cyber space. In silence.