In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

[Simona]

Hello.  I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me.  And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know  what else to do.  And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps.  My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking.  Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS.   And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there.   I have  no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me.  I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!".     I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat.  Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD.   So far today I'm ok i think.   I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair.  A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok.  I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[Wilma1]

I thought your family, fur ones and children, would be growing fast Simona. Time in some ways can go fast, yet in other ways, goes slow.

I had a garage sale when I moved 3 mths ago. It was very difficult, but rewarding money wise. Not something I want to do again though.

My fur baby is always on my knee, lol, we are attached at the hip I think. Lol.

You sound like you have a supportive partner, something worth hanging on to.

do you do any photography these days ?? I have been painting stones lately. Sounds strange, I know, but there are some lovely things done on stones. Good for pressies.

Enjoy your time out of hospital, and take care of yourself. Lots of these again.💜💕💜💕🐾🐾🐾💜💕🐾🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

[Simona]

I have not been into photography for quite some time now. Painting stones sounds interesting. My daughter came home with 3 painted stones this year. She just found them. There are different patterns/colours. One of them has a snail painted on it. The idea being you find the stones then you take a photo and post it to a Facebook page ; Vic Rocks saying where you found them.

I'm trying to enjoy my time but truth is I have a very sore lower back so I feel hunched over and very stiff like any minute something will go pop and I will be crawling on the floor.

All the Christmas stuff is done. We are having lunch with partner's parents tomorrow.

You take care of yourself too : )

[Wilma1]

Simona, sorry you are having lower back problems. Lunch with your partners parents sounds good. I hope you find a comfortable position and enjoy as much as you can.

I have been for a walk with Furbaby and heading over for a bbq soon. Hope you have some nice pressies, you, the children and partner. Lots of these for you.💛💛💛😍😍

Monkey- Magic, I hope you are having an enjoyable Christmas. I'm not sure if you are in hospital atm, if you are, I hope the day is as good as it can be if not, I hope you have some good company to share some of the day with. 🌷🌷🌷💕💕

[Simona]

I have remained stable. Depot injection every month plus antipsychotic medication. I recently just stopped one of them. It was making me put on the weight and now I have 8 kilos to lose. Abit of insomnia but doing ok.

I struggle with accepting my diagnosis and I miss my 'friends' and the delusions

[Simona]

And though I'm no longer anorexic I still have the mentality. I prefer myself to be very thin like a size 10. Will try not to get too carried away with losing weight this time.

[quirkywords]

Simona,

thanks for keeping touch and updating us on how you are going.

Accepting a diagnosis can be difficult . I missed my highs not the chaotic ones but the ones when I felt strong and confident.

The good thing is you are stable.

You have an awareness about your weight and that will help you . Is your lower back better now?

Quirky

[Wilma1]

Hi Simona, good to hear from you. It sounds like things are going ok ish for you at present. So good to hear that, you have been through some very tough times indeed.

You will be moving into the heat, if not there already. We had more snow on the mountains just over a week ago, but things are warming up now.

I moved into a new flat yesterday, so unpacking. All good there.

Take care of yourself. You are doing great. 💜💜💜💜

[Simona]

Hello Quirky : ) yes my back is better thank you. I used to have the very happy highs and the painful lows. I have only been prescribed a mood stabilizer once and I reacted badly to it so they stopped it immediately. That was when i was hospitalized last year. I do appreciate being stable and enjoying my family. They mean the world to me.

[Simona]

Hello Wilma : ) yeah we are already having some hot days so I need to have the air con in the car regassed because driving with the windows down lets in the flies and messes up my hair. My hair is almost shoulder length now and I like to look well groomed. Not sure if you read it in Monkey Magic's thread but my little dog has gone to God. A big brown snake got her about 9 months ago. Miss my little girl very much. She used to pull her bottom in and run around in these crazy tight circles. We have a pup now about 7 months old - Staffy X. His name is Sam. Very muscley built and goes like a rocket. So you have a new home : ) Hows the plants from your last place? did you bring any to your new flat? We have a Chinese Star Jasmine climbing like crazy over our cats outdoor enclosure. I had that plant from when I was living in a flat with a little balcony. Very resilient plant and smells so pretty.

[Wilma1]

Simona, sorry you lost your baby to a brown snake. Really hard. I can imagine how much you miss her. So good you have a pup now. That will keep you busy.

Shoulder length hair, well done you. I’m still with a crew cut. 🙃🙃🙃

You certainly are sounding much better. So good when you find the right meds.

Yes, just a few pansies from my last place. I think this is another move after the move, since I last wrote to you. It’s my forth in three years. I’m over it, but this is my forever home I hope.

I still have my baby with me. She’s beautiful.

Off to unpack some more. Hope car air con is fixed soon, it’s hot up your way. Take care.