In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

[Simona]

Hello.  I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me.  And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know  what else to do.  And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps.  My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking.  Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS.   And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there.   I have  no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me.  I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!".     I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat.  Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD.   So far today I'm ok i think.   I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair.  A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok.  I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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[running_up_that_hill]

I promised myself I will never go back ever .... yeah you don't live there it is like breaking the spirit of the person.... for me anyway ... all the meds .... I was exhausted all the time and brain numbed. You made it though monkey_magic twice!!!!!! 😄

[monkey_magic]

Yeah I remember. I'm still medicated so still brain numbed. Hopefully Simona gets out soon. I'm proud of you running up that hill for making it through as well. Thankyou x

[running_up_that_hill]

Hey Simona

Just checking in to see if you are going alright?

[monkey_magic]

Hey Simona,

I was also placed in a rehab unit for a few weeks while inside. I hope it all works out for you and you stabilize. Thinking of you too.

Ill say a prayer .

Gnite hun take care.

[Simona]

Thanks. You guys are all ive got.

My friendship with the schitzophrenic is over

We kept triggering one another and there were misunderstandings and paranoia

And im not mentally equipt to handle hurt feelings

I dont really talk. And i don't want anyone to try to be my friend here on the ward

Or visits from family. I don't want to see anyone

Im alienating myself because i want to go and its easier this way.

[Quercus]

Hi Simona,

I don't have the personal experience like MM or RUTH to know what you're going through right now.

But I care about you for what it is worth. And hope that you can get through today safely and reach out for help from the nurses again.

Please be safe Simona.

❤ Nat

[Simona]

Its not easy. Its hard to die. Getting it just right and waiting to pass out. May God have mercy on my troubled soul the nurses are trying so hard to keep me here

[monkey_magic]

Hi Simona,

Im glad they are keeping u alive. I'm not sure what to say that will make it better but I hope it gets easier for you, you deserve that. Thankyou again for that prayer you wrote to me. Stay well beautiful x

[Simona]

Hello Miss M&M

Oh no im not angry at the nurses intervention . It was not my time to go because God sent his footsoldiers to save thy life. I was ready he was not. I respect that so im not angry at the holy trinity either. There is always another day and another opportunity. This morning im filled with so much love. I drink my coffee like its the blood of Christ. I am the blessed one. An angel

[Simona]

I have my special friend praying for me too. We sorted out some issues. He told me if i go he will follow me. I told him how much im trying to stay and be good. I think in a way we are both angels and have to fulfil God's plan

We are both damaged souls

First i have to get out of here. My Gabriel has to wait.