In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

[Simona]

Hello.  I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me.  And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know  what else to do.  And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps.  My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking.  Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS.   And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there.   I have  no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me.  I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!".     I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat.  Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD.   So far today I'm ok i think.   I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair.  A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok.  I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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[Simona]

I thank you for your time and caring and i completely understand.

I however have good news and im so happy.

I have another new friend who has schizophrenia. We exchanged numbers and hes really nice to me.

It feels good to be able to relate. Yay im just so ☺

[running_up_that_hill]

Sorry Simona I have just had a birthday in the family which has kept me occupied ... no I don't have a thread I am grazing around look at what is happening. I came across yours because I have schizoaffective disorder and have been in hospital and hated it with every part of my being loathed it! I definately want to get to know you better too lolz.

I have late onset schizoaffective disorder. Menopausal and stress the doctors think and are probably right .... more common than once thought. I heard voices and still do and had delusions. Crazy sh@t! What about you?

[Simona]

I get command hallucinations more than i hear things. But when i hear things its sometimes my whole town yelling at me i should die. Its like a crowd tormenting me.

And sometimes the psychosis is so bad i believe im someone else or i get messages from tv or radio. I dont sit and watch tv but sometimes stand and watch bits of Ellen.

Currently im not very happy because my new friend and i have been texting nearly all night and i accidently triggered him.

[Simona]

They are starting me on anti depressants. Because i still have urges. I dont want my partner visiting so have not seen him for almost 3 weeks coming upBut we talk every night

[Simona]

Its boring here but i have to stay abit longer. I do miss and think of my family and yes i love them but they are better off without me

[running_up_that_hill]

Yes it is the boredom which gets to me. The nurses (not all but some are psychopaths). I don't believe for one instant your family are better off with out you ... but I am sure it seems that way at times. Hang in there, hopefully you will be feeling better and will get out sooner than you think.

[monkey_magic]

I also didn't like my time in hospital because of the length of time I was kept in for ( 3 months) and another time ( 6 weeks). And I don't believe I had anything wrong with me to be fair.

[running_up_that_hill]

monkey_magic 3 months!!!!!!! You are a stronger person than me. Kudos for surviving that my friends.

[monkey_magic]

Thanks running up that hill means a lot. You are right I think I survived it. U don't really live in there do you plus all the meds making you tired.

[Simona]

Hello. I wont be released anytime soon because im still a risk to myself and others. I get graphic visions and thoughts/urges

And the nights are the worst.

Staying alive is a daily struggle.

It has been decided that i will be placed on depot injection

And i will be eventually sent to a rehab facility for more independent living before being allowed home

My anorexia is stable. My brain is not