I feel alone and I don't like the life I have

[mg24]

Hi, this is my second thread. I just have some other feelings I kind of wanna talk to someone about. (i'm 14)

I feel really alone. I don't have a best friend, but I don't have any other friends either. I hang out with this group but only because I've been with them since year seven and I don't want to look like a loner. There aren't really any people I can hang out with from my grade, I've definitely tried looking. It also feels like everyone thinks I'm a loser, people don't want to text me or talk to me at school. I'm part of two sport teams and I still can't find anyone. I know that friends will 'present themselves in time' and all these other things but I don't want to be alone for four years. I don't want to have to keep my feelings to myself all the time and never be invited anywhere.

I also went to England last year to visit my family and I miss it so much. My family can't really afford to go often but I feel like my family is missing me grow up and there are so many things and experiences and relationships I want to share with them. I can't go during two week breaks because we generally go for three weeks plus and I can't miss any school but my mum says that the six week holidays are too expensive and we won't like the weather. I tried to get there another way by going through a student exchange to just escape for a bit and experience something new and meet new people, but my mum shut that down. I've tried coming at this at every angle all my mum says is that I need to get over it and look at what I do have and stop being s negative but I don't know what there is to look at! I have no friends or social life, I personally hate Australia (no offence), and I'm going through some really hard feelings alone so I'm not sure what great things she's talking about. I don't want to do this life anymore, I hate it but there's nothing I can do about it. I also don't want to waste four years of my life, especially my teenage years. My parents say that if I'm going through something I should tell them or just someone except I don't have anyone to tell and they always ignore my feelings. I told my mum I wanted to move after high school and my mum said she would never forgive me if I did. I cry almost everyday because I want to go back so badly and she knows how much I miss it, and she's still saying this. I don't want to have to move away and never see her but I hate it here. I have no idea what to do or where to go.

[mg24]

Hi Grandy, I was a little confused with your post so no problem 🙂 I get what you mean but honestly that’s not really it. I know I’m going to move but I would kill for some friends. I really know how good it would be make friends here, I desperately want to be able to do all those things. I just sit in my room and think like hey I could go to a movie but then I don’t have anyone to go with. I really want that. I don’t want to throw all these years away either. That’s one of my biggest fears right now. Especially because I don’t want to have waste the years while I’m still a teenager- go on dates, dress up, have sleepovers all of that. I just want to have a normal teenage life. It may sound a little stupid but this forum is for expressing feelings and stuff, ect so I’ll just say but lately I’ve also really been wanting a boyfriend. Maybe it’s because my friendships aren’t going that well either and I know I’m only 14 but I’ve just been really lonely like I want someone to really, really know me and idk it’s hard to explain. But yeah it just seems like things are getting worse and worse because there’s nothing I can do to fix it. It’s that I’m not worth it, but it’s other people’s decision if they’re gonna be friends with me I can’t change that.

[Chloe_M]

💛

[Chloe_M]

Aw I wish you were feeling better

maybe you are missing England so much and not really getting into it here because you are unconsciously not making an effort to let England go?

take me for example with my ex, even though I still like him, I was unhappy for a very long time because I was unwilling to let him go. I wanted to, but my mind had other ideas. I held onto the hope that he would want me back again, but now I've just realised that what will be will be, so I'm happier now.

maybe this is the same for you? You love England so much that you refuse to let go because you worry you will never see it again? I'm rather familiar with that feeling 🙂

Are you still on holidays? Tomorrows my last day 😞

xx Chloe 💕

[mg24]

Hey chloe my holidays ended last week so not anymore 😕 hope going backs good for you though!

Many way I’m not sure... I mean I would love to be able to not feel this way but I don’t know if I’m really holding onto it. I think it’s just something that I want and it’s just harder to not want it because I don’t have much “here”. Like there’s no comparison, if I left I wouldn’t actually be leaving anything. It’s hard to explain but I mean I don’t really think I’m holding onto it. Again I’m really glad how things are going for youuu

[Chloe_M]

Hey!

hmm well it was just a thought, I think sometimes our conscience hangs onto things because it feels we depend on them...

uhhh school tomorrow, but I am kinda glad to go back tbh, will see all my friends 💕

I hope things start to look up for you

I am feeling quite happy, but on the other hand super mad because when they (Panic! At The Disco) first opened ticket sales me and a couple of friends were ready to buy them haha. Our plan was to go on the morning of the concert (which doesn't start till like 8pm on the 6th October this year) and camp out aaaalll day so we could get at the front of the mosh pit so when Brendon Urie comes down the front like he always does, he could sign our Pray For The Wicked Tour shirts (like he does every concert to the front row). I was free on the day and everything. But then mum goes 'no' because she wasn't coming so I couldn't go. I even offered to pay for it myself 😔 But no.

This sounds like the worlds #1 first world problem but I'm annoyed. Still, my friends going are getting me a shirt for my birthday and if they can get to the front will get it signed for me. She's also filming the whole concert.

Have a good night and thanks for listening to me acting like a spoil brat 😄

[mg24]

Hey Chloe sorry I haven’t replied, I thought I did but it didn’t go through. That sucks about the concert!! You soo don’t sound spoilt I would definitley be the same, especially if all my friends were going. It’s nice they’re doing that stuff for you though! Are you going to get your second piercings for your bday to? I just got my helix last Saturday. I’m still so glad things are looking up for you but I feel like things for me are just getting worse everyday. I miss England so so much I feel so stuck. And the whole friend thing, it’s just not working out I still feel as lonely as ever and I’m sick of having nothing to do like ever. The idea of going somewhere and just starting over with a totally different group of people couldn’t make me happier. I just wish my parents would *consider* thinking about moving. Even if it wasn’t to England because before I was born they almost moved to Canada. Besides my Mum says my dad wouldn’t really like the weather but he never even goes to the beach while we r in Australia, he does actually like winter a lot and it’s 37 degrees in England right now!!! It’s not like it’s cold. I’m also worried about my family’s financial situation. We’re not gonnna become homeless or anything but my mums job ended so now she’s doing a lesser paying job at the same place and my dads job has ended as well so he doesn’t really have one right now. The rest of this year and next year seem like they’re gonna b pretty pricey tho. My brother needs braces, I need get a school laptop, my mum wants to take us back to England next year and I also want to go on a school trip to America. I might have to choose one and that sounds SO spoilt but me and Mum have always had an understanding I would go on a school trip and I’ve been looking forward to this one since yr 7 but then I miss England so much and I need to see my family- it’s making me so distraught as u can see in all these messages. Maybe it Apis dis bad but I don’t think I should have to choose. There’s some other stuff we have to pay for I think but I can’t remember. I feel like living might even b 4 the best because my dad could get new work (and Mum obvs). But yeah i feel like everything’s going downhill and it’s pointless to say because it won’t but I need something to change!!! I’m literally going to snap and become depressed. I don’t want to be but things are going to change or get better so I don’t know what to do. Hope your lifes going well sorry for the long post xx

[mg24]

Hey I know you haven’t been on the forum in a while but I need to just write somethings down. I said it’s before but everything’s just getting worse. I’m more lonely than ever and since Monday I’ve had this horrible feeling in my stomach like a gazillion butterflies. I think it might be anxiety I just don’t know what to do because there’s nothing I can do to make it go away. When your anxious about something like a speech once it’s over it’s fine but there’s nothing I can do to resolve it and it feels so bad. I feel so empty at the same time though like there’s just my rib cage and a black space inside it. England probably wouldn’t matter as much if things were okay here but I’m still without any friends. I kind of want to be 16 already so I can’t turn around and say “see I told you things wouldn’t get better” to my Mum because I know things are going to be exactly the same. I feel like I’m literally going to waste all of the teenage years because I didn’t actually have anyone to hang out with or invite to me things. I don’t want to waste such goods let alone just waste five years of my life. It would just be nice to feel appreciated and liked for once 😕 thinking about England and the feeling in my stomach starts as soon as I wake up and stops when I go to sleep. I don’t know how I’m meant to do this for three years. Anyway hope you see this soon and things are going okay for you x

[mg24]

Hey so sorry for the third post it’s probably getting a little annoying but shortly after writing it I found out that all the girls in my group went out for brunch without me:/

[Chloe_M]

Hey

Its ok, not annoying at all

im sorry i haven't been around im trying to figure something out

x sorry about all this

[mg24]

Hey Chloe no problem. I hope everything’s okay? I thought things were going well 😕 here if you wanna talk about it x