how do i stop crying

[Matchy69]

I feel so alone,i dont have many friends or anyone who wants to know what i am going through.I just find my self just breaking down and crying.I just want some one to listen and not to judge me.

[Aaronsis]

thanks Mark, I am not sure yet what is bothering me, I just have that anxious feeling like I need to be worrying about something and I don't know what to worry about and like I have missed something and I just feel anxious, I am hoping it is just as I have a big week ahead with birthday's but I will keep you posted during the day. You are such a great man and so kind to help me too....I appreciate it more that I can say!

[Matchy69]

Hi sarah,I just got home cost me a fortune.Need to update my racq cover so i get free unlimited towing.

Your Clivia looks stunning.I love the colour.

I had a nice view of the mountains.I was trying to do trip that i did with my parents in 1979 and that one had a simlar outcome.We got a hole in the car petrol tank and we got stranded in the middle of nowhere.It was a trip on the Old Grafton road which has a tunnel carved out of rock.You can look it up its and cob an co route from Glen Innes to Grafton.Just a senic drive along the rivers today.But i didnt make it that far,broke down just before the NSW border.

I definately need a beer it is so hot here and i just sick of everything going wrong for me.Just going to have a big cry.

Mark

[Aaronsis]

Hey Mark, I can only imagine the costs involved with getting a tow, yes probably a really good idea to update the cover...I was going to say do you mean RACV but you are in Queesland..lol...what a goose!

The clivia is stunning and I am so happy with it,now just the small task of keeping it that way, or even just alive!!!

I will have a look at the route is sounds stunning and along the rivers with a cave..wow.

I might even join you today in a bit of a cry too, the lady that I work with says this morning "Oh my daughter's friend killed herself last night"...no warning to me that she was going to blurt that out so I was almost floored as I was not prepared for that and it really shook me up. I just had to pull her up and tell her that she needs to be careful when she speaks in reference to death and especially suicide infront of me. She was very sorry and very shocked but it has left me feeling off.

Have a beer for me!

Lunchtime soon and I brought in some left over lasagne so I might feel better when my belly is full!

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Sarah that would have been so upsetting for you.People just blurt things out and dont realise how it might effect other people.

I will have a beer for you and some more for me lol.I am not a big drinker at all but today i just feel like one and its 35 degrees here outside.

I was going to put the tunnel as my profile picture,I have one here from 1979 and 1949 when my dad did the trip with his mates on his AJS motorbike.I just wanted relive some old memories see the tunnel and our old camp site and the river was really pretty.

I was lucky i allmost hit a big roo lucky i wasnt going to fast as i aware of all the roos,their was heaps of them.

I am sure that clivia of yours will thrive with your love and care.I put one of my sons sunflowers on for you.I will try and put a different flower on everyday for you to brighten your day.

Your friend,

Mark

[Aaronsis]

Oh wow Mark that sunflower is stunning and thank you so much for sharing that with me, it put a huge smile on my face, it is beautiful it really is. That is so sweet of you to put up a flower for me to see each day, that is really special and I appreciate it. I would love to do the same but I have one flower...lol

Geeze, the fact that you hit a roo could have been horrific, I have seen the damage that they do to cars to imagine what could have happened. That is so lovely to recreate that trip, maybe another day for sure, it would be a shame not to complete it. I am so very proud of you for getting out there this morning and giving it a go and getting up and planning a great day, ok so it kinda of went a bit pear shaped but you didn't know that. It really is wonderful that you tried Mark.

I am feeling much better this afternoon, chatting to you, some lunch, the sun is out so hopefully I am over the hump of the blues today. Thanks Mark for caring. People do blurt things out but I was kind of surprised at her as she was very supportive when I came back to work and has been so maybe she just didn't think and she was in a bit of shock too....all good as this is what I have to get used to...people don't know and they just don't think, but hey, I am so much more self aware now and aware about other people so I am sure in the past I have said things to people that have been shitty too.

Your friend

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Sarah i am glad you feel better and that chatting to me helped.Chatting to you makes me allways feel better.I miss having someone to share my dramas and good stuff with.

I did do a camping trip a few years ago on my bike to a spot called Tooloom falls Urbenville which my parents took me camping in 1972(i have a thing about remembering years and dates)It is an absolutely beautiful spot and was lovely to be there and have my memories from sep 1972.I had to ride home in pouring rain,probably the worst riding conditions i experienced.It took my 30 years riding experience to get me home safe.

You will have to get more flowersso you can share them.

Your friend

Mark

[Aaronsis]

Thanks for cheering me up today Mark, chatting with you makes me feel better too. I hope in some small way that I can help with the missing of your dear friends, I know it is not the same but maybe in a small way I can be someone to share your life stories and daily experiences with, I am very happy to do that.

That is so cool that you can remember dates and locations and things specifically, I would love to have that clarity to remember things in my life, wow! That ride home in the pouring rain would have been terrifying, my ex used to ride bikes and it scared the life out of me. Not so much his riding but the fact that cars and trucks don't always see you and this was very scary! Thank goodness you made it home safely.

I will perhaps be able to post my baking instead of my flowers, I have more faith in that..lol

Home time soon and then a change of hats to my "mum" hat..what is for dinner, have you done your homework..lol....wonder what surprises those cats have left for me to come home to today...lol

It sounds like you had a beautiful day of 35 degrees today, the sun has literally just popped it's head out now so I will enjoy that on my drive home.

Might be offline for a bit between the drive home and dinner but will be back later Mark.

Chat soon

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Sarah chatting with you does cheer me up,i am glad i have someone to share my stories with good and bad.I do miss my friends especially my american friend,i would text her something and she would ring me,i miss hearing her american accent and her stories of the differences between Australia and America,silly things how small our washing machines are compared to America.And when she visted me in the country she expected to see everyone driving around in old cars and trucks.I miss those conversations.

I love to see your baking and i bet your an amazing cook.I love cooking and making biscuits and cakes and i use to make bread but havent for ages.

I get whats for dinner at 8am in the morning.Kids for you.My self i am having lamb chops with mashed potato and silverbeet.

My cats inside now just sitting on top of my lounge.Now she is giving me cuddles.Shes happy to have me home.

Your friend,

Mark

[Aaronsis]

Hey Mark, seems like we have something else in common, my aunt lives in America and we are constantly talking and joking about the differences between our countries..like the call a wipper snipper a weed wacker...lol

I really enjoy baking I like to think I am good at it, although after the feedback from the cupcakes I am not sure..lol

We are having the left over lasagne for dinner tonight so I am happy not to have to cook, although funny enough I have lamb chops too that I was planning to cook, that can be tomorrrow night.

The cats are so far behaving and I didn't come home to anything that looked suspicious...the night is still young so who knows what they will get up to.

I am looking forward to the finale of The real Dirty Dancing tonight, lol..guilty pleasure.

Chat soon

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah,I am feeling not the best this morning thinking to much,wishing i had did some things differently,just crying for what i have lost i then thinking you have had a lost and how you must be feeling.I have suffered from depression for a long time now,when something good happens i manage to do something to lose it.The day will go on with the hope of something good.I have been awake since 3am makes the days long.

I am sure your a wonderful cook even though the kids might not like everything you cook.The taste of real good home cooking is the best and know yours would be.

I will be going into town today to the bank but will probably just come straight home.when i have some money i will go to RACQ and update my cover.I think paying the extra for free unlimited towing will be worth it.I free towing for up to 60kms on my current cover.

Bubbles wanted to go ouside early this morning,she had wild night jumping on everything.

Your Friend,

Mark