how do i stop crying

[Matchy69]

I feel so alone,i dont have many friends or anyone who wants to know what i am going through.I just find my self just breaking down and crying.I just want some one to listen and not to judge me.

[Aaronsis]

Hey Mark

Just dropping in to see how you are doing today, last week was really tough for you and I am wondering how you are feeling today?

It does seem unfair at times and like everything is stacked up against us and we just can't seem to understand why time after time these blows keep coming for us...I understand how hard it can be to get the thoughts under control, I really do, it is not easy and it takes persistence and also talking with people who do understand that these thoughts impact us so harshly. In the end though they are just that, and you are an awesome person Mark, you are a great friend and you support people here so genuinely and so wonderfully I can really see that. I know how hard it is for you, to make new friends and to manage the pain of the friendship that ended, I hope that an opportunity does come for you, to try something new maybe or to join a group or a club that you never even thought about before and there you can meet some really awesome people..just like here.

Hugs to you my friend and I hope your day is going well.

Sarah xx

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah it's great to hear from you.I am still struggling and am losing all passion for the things I once enjoyed.I am trying but it is so hard.It is a long journey and don't know where it will end.
I hope you are going ok being in a snap lockdown.Hopefully it will end Wendesday.I feel for you and everyone who has to go through this.It just makes everything harder when you are struggling.
It will be my daughter's birthday Friday and I will cook her a roast chicken for dinner.
Take care,
Mark.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Mark

That was really hard to hear that you are losing the passion for the things that you love, I hope that you are ok and maybe will consider a trip to your GP maybe, just to check in and to make sure that you are ok...and I know you do know the support services but please have some numbers on hand like Life line 13 11 14 as sometimes when times are bad you just can't remember things like phone numbers. You matter so much and you just never know which awesome human you may get to chat to on these support lines who may just connect with you and get you through that hour...even that is so very wonderful.

I am still working so the lockdown has not impacted me too greatly as yet, although I am keen to see what the decision is tomorrow and if we can resume our lives or we stay locked down for longer, I fear the latter! The kids are back doing home schooling and they too are hopeful for just a few days but we will see, they have what they need at home but it is just not the same...my son will try to do his Tafe course remotely tomorrow so I wonder how that is going to go?????

OHHHHH HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALABAMA xxx how wonderful that you are going to cook her a special meal for her birthday....home roasted chicken is soo much more delicious than a bought roast chook so I hope you have a wonderful meal together for her special day. I am sure you will also make her a cake as you are super clever like that and can just whip these things up.

It is so wonderful to chat to you as always and I hope that today is a good one for you, even just a moment in the day that you can feel good.

Hugs as always my friend

Sarah xx

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah sorry I was going to reply to you last night but fell asleep by 6pm.I have been very tired lately and feeling run down .ore then usual.I kept waking last night from nightmares so I didn't have a good night.
I am waiting for a shed to arrive this morning.I still have to do the slab for it before I put it up I just have to find the energy for it.
Hard to believe my daughter will be 17 tomorrow.Yes I will make her a cake as well as a roast chicken for dinner.Need to wrap her presents to today.
I am glad you are at of the lock down but I know you still have other rules to abide by like mask wearing.It will be interesting to see how many get the vaccine .I will and I will be in the second group 1a but not sure when or where that will be.I can't find any information where you get it.I will talk to my GP about it when I see her and if I am ok to have it.
Take care,
Mark.

[Matchy69]

I have just gone to bed feeling lonely and depressed and crying.Is it for me or her that I cry.I am paying the price for my stupid anxiety.

[Aaronsis]

HI Mark

I hope you are feeling better today, it is so hard to be feeling so bad and to have the reoccurring thoughts over and over play out in your head, that are just so painful. I am doing some work myself at the moment on managing thoughts and trying to be present in the moment and to live this very minute and not ruminate over the past or obsess over what the future will be..it is so hard and I am trying to put a few things in place to try to centre myself.

I didn't really understand meditation and thought I was always doing it wrong or not getting the benefits from it as my thoughts always ran away and I had to keep bringing myself back to focusing on something...I choose my breath, breath in white air and breath out black air....and that it is perfectly normal to think "oh hear that car" or "oh what is for dinner" and have the thoughts but to then bring yourself back...this is actually still meditation and apparently the more I do it the more focused I will be come in being able to bring myself to the now and in turn manage thoughts....

I am going to keep trying, in fact I am going to do some right after I finish typing this to you.

I hope that your daughter had a wonderful birthday and enjoyed the meal you cooked for her and the cake too..Happiest of birthday's to her.

Hugs to you as always Mark xx

Sarah xx

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah I hope the meditation helps you.Let me know how it is going and if it is helping you.Mu daughter has gone out with her mother today shopping She has a heap of gift cards and money she got for her birthday and Christmas.Its just me and my son today He saw the specialist Friday and she took him off one of his medications and he has been so tired and sleeping a lot since he has been off it.
My daughter's birthday went good Her roast chicken turned out perfect and the cake I made was so yummy.It will be mine and my son's birthday in just over a couple of weeks.
I have been really tired of late myself.Struggling with depression and not finding .uch joy anywhere these days.
Take care,
Mark.

[Matchy69]

Feeling very down today and am so tired.I will never forgive myself.I wish I could be liked but I am unlikeable.Their is nothing to like about me.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Matchy69,

We're sorry you're feeling so low today and having such dark thoughts. Please know you are a valued member of our forums community. You frequently and generously offer support to others across our forums, which in our book makes you thoroughly likable and liked -- not just by the moderation team but countless others on the forums.

We're concerned about you Matchy69 and urge you to please reach out and talk to someone about these thoughts and your low mood. As you know, while the peer support on offer here is often quick, it is not immediate. Our Support Service is always available with immediate brief counselling by phone on 1300 22 4636 or by webchat from 1pm to midnight AEDT every day, which you can access by following the links on the top right of every Beyond Blue page.

We are so glad you felt brave enough to share these thoughts with us today and encourage you to keep reaching out by checking in on our forums here as well as considering offline supports like our support service or your GP.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Mark

Can I tell you that those thoughts you are having today are very fierce and that they are very loud but they are also very untrue.

There is so much to like about you, so very much and I am just so sorry that the loss of your one friend really makes you question your worth, your value and clouds the way that you can see the wonderful person that I see, that I have been speaking to and sharing a friendship with and getting to know for some time.

I hear your pain and your frustration and regret and the way you punish yourself for this friend leaving you, but can I suggest to you that some of this is on her too. While we can think and think and over think and blame ourselves and wonder if we did that differently would things be different, but we will never know, and we just don't know what was going on for her either.

I hope you can come and chat some more today, I will be around if you want to share or to talk about anything really.

I am here for you my friend.

Hugs as always and another one for today xxx

Sarah xxxx