how do i stop crying

[Matchy69]

I feel so alone,i dont have many friends or anyone who wants to know what i am going through.I just find my self just breaking down and crying.I just want some one to listen and not to judge me.

[Aaronsis]

Ok great, I will get some liquid fertilizer tomorrow and get it into the soil...I will post some updates in my pics so you can see them grow and give me some tips..lol....I really will be so very shocked if I can pull this off and grow some veggies...I will be so pleased with myself....

The Queen show is on now so I am going to watch that, I saw them live with Adam Lambert and it was insane, so awesome, I love Freddy and the whole story.

Have a good night watching your film and chat tomorrow my friend.

Sarah x

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah this morning i just did some work on my new garden.I will lay the blocks tomorrow.It is much nicer weather today and nice and warm in the sun.I did some weeding in the vegie garden.The weeds have gone crazy.

I am feeling a bit flat now been thinking about my friend and wish i could share my stories with her.I wish it didn't still upset me as much as it does.

Another thing my surgery was suppose to be in August but I got a letter saying it is postponed due to the coronavirus and i have been down graded from a category 1 to a category 2.

A lot of people grow vegies in containers these days.I hope they grow ok for you.It is nice to eat your own crops.If you ever need any advice i am here.

Take care,

Your friend,

Mark.

[Aaronsis]

Hey Mark

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling flat but I am so pleased that you are doing things that make you feel good and that you are out and about and keeping busy, this is really awesome.

Thanks so very much for your support of my garden, I have no idea really how this is going to go but I will be sure to yell out and to keep you across the progress..or lack there of..lol

It sounds like you had a productive day in the garden yesterday which is so wonderful, you really have such talent and some really beautiful plants to show for it.

This whole COVID thing really has thrown a curve ball at us, that is not great news with regards to your surgery, especially seeing that it does cause you to feel anxious. Hopefully things are starting to improve with the lifting of the restrictions, I just hope everyone keeps doing what they have been and we dont have a second outbreak.

The sun is out here today which makes me smile, I hope to have some lunch outside today as I have been pretty busy inside for the past two days and I feel like the amount of sun is amount to get less with winter coming.

Huge hugs to you my friend

Sarah xx

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah I think i had a phone call from my friend as i had a call from a private number and they just hung up.No one else rings me so i think it was her probably seeing if i was still here.I just have so much confusion and dont know what to do.I wish if it was her she spoke to me.

[Matchy69]

I have been crying all afternoon.I just want to be friends again.Am i that bad a person to be friends with?

[Aaronsis]

Hey Mark

That is a really interesting call to receive and I can see how much it has upset and confused you. I am so sorry you are in this much pain. I know this is hard to work through but we don't actually know it was her, it could have been a wrong number. It could have been anything and while I know you want it to be her, we don't know and I can hear how much the wonder is tearing you up inside, and we just don't know for sure it was her.

You do miss her dearly and she was a very dear friend, you don't have a way to communicate with her or contact her and this does break you, however we have to accept her position. It hurts like hell and I am just so very sorry Mark, please see if you can rise today and take yourself out, to break the sadness, you don't deserve to punish yourself, we cannot control the choices of others, as hard and horrible as that is.

Huge hugs to you my friend, chat soon ok.

Sarah xx

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah I just feel like i am being mental tortured.Yes i know it might not have been her but this is the second time this has happened.I felt like they wanted to talk but were to scared.I live a very lonely life and all i have is my kids and enjoyed that escape from them with her.I dont make friends easy as i have autism and struggle to communicate.I am 51 y.o and feel like nothing has changed since i was in school that no one likes me and i am the butt of everyones jokes.Here i talk anonymous no one no what i look like or what a sensitive caring person i am.You are really the first friend i made on here and appreciate you so much.You are a genuinely a really caring person and so sweet and know you have been through your own grief and really appreciate your friendship and talking to me.It means so much to me.I tried to get profile picture on here but that cant be.I look like Mr Bean according to my daughter.And i know you look like Nicole Kidman from BMX bandits.

Take care,

Your friend,

Mark.

[Aaronsis]

Hey Mark

You are so caring, you too are so genuine and I have seen your reaching out here to others to support them too. I hear how much these calls are tearing you up and that is just so painful to witness, but whether it is or is not her, unless she speaks and makes herself known, we will never know and if she really does want to reconnect with you, it will happen and maybe she too is fighting her own battles that make it hard for her too, we just don't know.

This forum is a magical place and as you know the power of being anonymous is sometimes how people are able to cope and is the only reason that they reach out is because no one can see them, and no one can judge. I would not like you any more or any less based on what you look like, I think you would say the same to me. Friendship is so much deeper than appearances, well real ones anyway. No photo required Mark, you are my friend and I am yours, we can chat on here until the cows come home....

Also remember..autism is not who you are..it is what you live with, struggling to communicate does not define you, it is what you struggle with. You are a wonderful person with a huge heart Mark, know that.

Hugs as always

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Thank you Sarah for your kind words and listening to me.You really are a sweet kind lady.

[Aaronsis]

Hey Mark

Well there was an incident with the veggies yesterday in that one of my cats thought it was a great place to go to the toilet...I kind of saw this out the corner of my eye to which I ran yelling at the cat, who jumped off, tipped the tub over and seedlings and dirt went everywhere....grrrrrrr..I have fixed it up and hope that they are not suffering shock. Darn cats!! BUT..it has made me think I might want to plant some more, and stagger so that I have like a crop..OMG...look at me..who would have thought!!!

The sun is out today and I am absolutely going to get some of those rays into me.

Hope that today is going ok for you Mark. Do you have anything planned for the weekend?

Hugs as always

Sarah xx