Here again

[smallbutstrong]

It’s been a while. The last time I posted here was after my suicide attempt in 2023. I was okay, but recently,  I’m not.

i was diagnosed with CPTSD, I have a history of anxiety, depression, social anxiety and eating disorders. 
I feel like I’m getting better, I’m okay on the outside but there is just something wrong with me and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t want to die. At the same I time, I feel like I don’t belong, I feel so out of place all of the time. I’m in my head all the time and it’s either going too fast or too slow. 

i know that no one says they feel like they’re “in place”. No one feels like how I feel, being so uncomfortable with who I am.

I know that I am kind, empathic and funny most of the time. I still don’t feel good enough. I just always feel like there’s something wrong.

I’m scared that feeling will never change. 

the last post that I made 3 years ago was about hope, and regret. I’m older now, and I do feel like there has been progress. Just not enough

[jemma09]

Hi there smallbutstrong (love your username!)

Welcome back to the forums, you're always welcome here. Thank you for sharing today. 

Your writing here shows that you are really advocating for yourself in wanting to feel good and feel that you have achieved what you are aiming for. 

Feeling like there is something wrong all the time sounds very tiring and scary. I am sending you virtual hugs. 

Though I am a stranger, I want to tell you - I think you are enough and good enough. I can see how hard you are trying, and I recognise all your progress. 

Though you said you are older now, it is still always possible to make progress. Perhaps you can look at the techniques you used in the past, and how they might be able to be adapted to where you are at now?

You can always reach out to your GP as well if needed. 

Wishing you all the best,

Jemma

[string_cheese]

Hi smallbutstrong! 

Mental illnesses and personal growth can really put a person through the ringer. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this at the moment. 

There's a lot you've mentioned but I agree with Jemma, there's no harm in seeing a GP. It might be as simple as needing to revisit a treatment plan, and you'll be on the way to feeling better. 

And it is OK not to be OK! And it's OK to be scared that some of what you're feeling now will never end. It might be worth remembering that anxiety can be a bit of a spiral, so some of your fears might be building on top of eachother right now. Maybe you can break them down? 

Not everyone has a strong sense of self, not everyone knows where they belong. You are not your thoughts, you are not your anxiety, and you will get through this. 

Also sending virtual hugs 🫂 

[Psychdiaries2]

Hi there,

A warm welcome back to the forums, I am proud of you for reaching out once again. 

As someone who has also struggled with their mental health in the last few years, I relate to fear that nothing will ever change. I try to reframe it as something that is temporary (I know it doesn't feel like it) and can get better in the future. I remind myself that I am strong and can get through this. Try to remind yourself of this today.

That's great to hear you have made progress! Struggling cannot be cured over night, give yourself some time to heal. If you feel comfortable sharing, what strategies have been helping you to get through? 

You mentioned feeling like you don't belong. Is that in a particular area of your life? You are always welcome here, we are here when you need. 

Lastly, you are good enough. You recognise that you have some amazing qualities, and you sound keen to continue working on yourself by reaching out for support. That is a commendable thing. 

Take care of yourself today and I hope things get a bit better for you 😊