FESTIVE SEASON STRUGGLES

[Doolhof]

Season's Greetings everyone.

We have a lovely cheery Christmas and New Years thread started up in the Social Zone. Hope you can drop by there and share some joy and happiness.

This is the alternate thread, where you can share the not so pleasant memories of Christmas or the concerns you may have for Christmas 2016.

For me, my depressive brain decides to hassle me about Christmas in November! That is so unnecessary! I need to break this habit!

So on this thread you can share the negative and hopefully find a positive at the end.

You might like to share what the worst present was that you ever received, or how sad and miserable you are at Christmas.

By sharing, we may well be able to help and support each other through a time that can be very tough for some.

This is the place to vent, the thread on the Social Zone is also waiting for you to add your happy thoughts and memories of Christmas and New Years.

Thinking of you all, hugs from Mrs. Dools

[blondguy]

Hi Guest8042

Welcome to the forums and good on you for having the courage to post too!

I hear you loud and clear on battling/handling anxiety on your own...I wasted over 10 years of my life thinking I could 'get over it' through self healing...eating well....exercise....It just doesnt work until I started the meds and then realised that they actually help us build a better foundation on which we can heal with the therapy and various coping techniques etc.

Well done to you though for accepting the script from your GP. Great effort. (I was always anti-meds until I realised that anxiety was the same as a broken bone or a virus and needed treatment)

You have achieved a lot at Christmas with having your family over and do all the preparation as well. Its very noble of you, however sometimes its like trying to sprint in crutches...We just never knew we were wearing them 🙂

There are many kind people on the forums that can be here for you, even if you just want a chat. My anxiety goes back to 1983 and most of it has gone......Thats the good news....It does tend to hang around but with even basic meds and regular counselling and a crackerjack GP you will start lessening the intensity of the anxiety.

Having depression since 1996 its standard procedure to have 'the brave face' on.....

you are never alone here Guest. I hope you can stick around the forums....you would be an asset to many..If you have any questions or queries please go for it.

my kindest thoughts for you......please be gentle with yourself....

Paulx

[CMF]

Hi all and a belated Merry Christmas,

well I'm glad I found this thread. For the first time in a while I was looking forward to Xmas. Lunch with 'his' family then over to see mine. Well it didn't go to plan. After a misunderstanding after the lunch (which I figured out later) I was verbally abused called a disgrace and told I make a big deal out of things when he was the one who started yelling at me and name calling. I told him not to come to see my family. Usually after these episodes I feel so angry and upset fir days but I didn't this time. I thought about it and accepted that he has big issues. He is a verbally abusive person, bagged his mum at lunch in front of everyone and I have to say I do believe he is a narcissist. I pondered the his for a while and keep denying it to myself but I think it's true. I also noticed again that he and his sister buy particular things for his parents, things they don't want or don't use but they are things he wants. He convinces his sister to chip in and buy them but they are things he wants for his use.

I read up on narcissism, denying people their noughts or feelings, telling them they are too sensitive, claiming they are the victim and more. This is him. He really upset me during the week with hurtful words and then told me I break down to easily.

He really has big issues, he has a personality disorder. I think I can finally accept this instead of making excuses for him. I could tell you so much more about the things he has done, how he has tried to manipulate things to suit him but I won't go on. Everything came to light at Christmas. I don't know if I feel sorry for him or pity him.

[blondguy]

Hey CMF 🙂

always a treat to see you! Happy belated Christmas to you too!

You deserve so much better...seriously.......please dont do as I did and trash nearly ten years of my life being treated like crap by a partner

I really thought you would be doing okay. Im sorry you arent CMF

Hugs

Paulx

[CMF]

Hi Paul,

thank you. I am doing ok. Everything became clear. The things I thought but didn't want to believe I now know are true and correct. I can't believe how easily he manipulates people and always has. He makes you believe something is for your benefit when it is really for his. If you question this you are ungrateful or too sensitive and he is the victim. The issue he has with me is that I've worked him out and I challenge him, he can't handle this. As soon as you do this you are at fault and it's poor him.

anyway, I'm all good Paul. In 2017 I wNt to think about ME, what I want to do, what will make me happy, what's ood for me. Not what he wants me to do and what he thinks is best for me. He is the most irresponsible adult I've ever met, I've never come across anyone like him before, which is good, because his actions and behaviour are not the norm. Normal everyday people do not do what he does. If they did, it would be a disaster.

when he suffered anxiety not so long ago he told me he regretted his behaviour, how he treated people and how his behaviour hurt people. He said God was punishing him. I told him it was Karma. I would love to remind him of that conversation but I know he will abuse me again. It's a shame as I thought he had woken up to himself but a leopard doesn't change its spots. Maybe I will remind him but I my if I'm feeling good and strong.

i hope you are doing ok Paul, hadn't seen you for a while but noticed you've been back.

on a positive note, little miss 3 loved Xmas this year and really understood it. Knew she had to go to bed for Santa to come and when she saw her gifts under the xmas tree she was thrilled. I know Xmas is more than giving gifts but I believe at her age she should enjoy it and she did. His parents didn't even give her a gift, they are a strange lot, that's for sure.

cmf x

[blondguy]

Hey CMF

Christmas is really for the children (as you know) For her not to even get a small token of a present is not only sad but speaks volumes about the family you thought you knew so well. (with respect of course)

My dad passed late last month so I have been sporadic in my posts. Mum and dad separated after 49 years of marriage and been living on their own for about 16 years....It hurts but I will be okay...

Great to see you again

Paulx

[CMF]

Dear Paul,

oh im so sorry about your Dad. I know you've been trying to look after your parents and it hasn't been easy for you. You're an amazing person.

I'm thinking of you and hope you are coping ok. I hope the new year brings you peace and happiness as you so deserve.

cmf x

[Doolhof]

Hi CheeseSlices,

I'm really sorry to read your story! Have you started up a thread of your own here so people will be able to offer you support and communicate more with you. This is an option if you have not done so already.

My Dr actually asked if I wanted to go to hospital for a couple of weeks before Christmas and another Dr asked if he thought I needed to be on suicide watch. My head was really screwed up around Christmas, from mid November really.

Reading your experiences I can certainly understand your anxiety and depression around this time of year. For me not being on medication is not an option. I really don't do too well at all! Sorry you have had such a rough experience.

I'm hoping you can find something that works for you. Is there any way you can start making plans now so you can get away next Christmas?

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Paul,

Yes, I did hear the news about Debbie Reynolds. While working in aged care, one partner would often die very soon after their life partner's death. In some cases the surviving partner actually thrived and blossomed! One lady whom we all thought would just wither away turned into an amazing, confident, out going person once her husband died!

I'm thinking I really need to start standing up for myself more in my own marriage! My husband has said he wants to go away for Christmas again next year, I told him I want to stay home and celebrate here with friends. Maybe he will go away by himself?

Time will tell. Ha. Ha. Cheers from Mrs. Dools xx

[Doolhof]

Hi Guest,

Welcome to the community here at BB. Like Paul has mentioned, people here care about each other and are willing to listen and respond.

Regarding taking medication, sometimes it can take a while for the tablets to feel like they are working. There is a thread here somewhere all about taking anti depressant medications but my scattered brain can't recall what the thread is titled!

If you go back through some of the posts on this thread, you will see that many people have trouble with Christmas for one reason or another.

My husband decided we should go to Bali for Christmas this year. I woke up crying Christmas morning. My husband couldn't understand why and asked me to please stop crying. We went out for the day then to dinner. My husband doesn't understand my issues around Christmas so I too put on a brave face while crying on the inside.

People here understand! Hope you feel comfortable to share more of how you are coping and join in with other threads. There are some less intense sections in the Social Zone you might like to check out as well.

Cheers for now from Dools

[blondguy]

CMF

Thankyou so much....you have a kind heart. Paulxo