Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

CMF · ‎20-02-2017

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

MarkJT · ‎02-03-2017

BS, recovery is a road that has many speed humps in it. I do not think there is one person on earth that has had a straight flat road in their recoveries.

This is nothing more than a speed hump so do not use to much mental energy worrying about it. In the whole scheme of things, yes not ideal, but it is not going to determine your future.

Mark.

CMF · ‎02-03-2017

Yes...ruminating...big problem of mine. How do we stop doing this?

Next week i am going to an information night for my little one. I was going to do the right thing and inform her dad but i am having second thoughts. He lives at his parents house which is 2 streets away from me. Haven't seen or heard from him since he abused me xmas day. He hasn't even bothered to ask anything about the little one or her kinder etc. I drive past his parents house on my way to pick up the kids and his work car was there today. I did send him a thank you text a few weeks ago as he had put some money in my account. No response. So i am thinking of going to the info night on my own and enrolling her where i want and probably paying on my own. I'm a big believer that both parents should be involved with their children but i don't believe one parent should spoon feed the other. The interest needs to be there because they care not because they are being directed or prompted.

Even though i want not much to do with him because i am sick of his verbal abuse his family say that i am trying to 'kick him out' and blame me for everything.

Any thoughts? Am i doing the right thing?

Slipstream_SS · ‎02-03-2017

Baby Steps.

First and foremost your children and yourself have to come first. I cam from a broken family as well, with no support from my Father, and my Mum raised four kids on her own. It sounds like your doing the right thing, dont worry about what ppl may say. I know its hard, but your child and you have to come first. Doesnt hurt to be a little selfish sometimes..

CK

CMF · ‎02-03-2017

Hi CK,

Thanks for reading my thread. I feel I'm being pulled in all directions lately. I can't do everything for everyone. I'm starting to see no reason why i should include him, he clearly has no interest.

BS

BballJ · ‎02-03-2017

Hi Baby_Steps,

Families of Ex's will almost always take their side because they are being fed one side of the story from them and you don't have a chance to explain yourself. This however should not be of your concern as it is just simply out of your control. I think you are learning how positive it is to just simply worry about your kids. Sort of letting the petty stuff take care of itself.

Regarding the not getting ahead part a couple of posts ago, Like MarkJT said above... the speed bumps in our roads to recovery and always going to be there and I know it just sounds cliché but it really is true. They get building a stronger version of yourself, even though it doesn't feel like it.

My best,

Jay

CMF · ‎03-03-2017

Hi Jay,

True about families hearing one side of the story but in he doesn't talk to them, possibly because he doesn't want them to know of his behaviour, so they have come to all these assumptions on their own. Just out to blame me, never looking at how he has caused this situation.

I woke with awful anxiety but thank goodness it subsided.I realised that even though i have had a big outlay to get my son started at his new school,the total yearly fee for my son's new school was the monthly cost at his old school. I'm hoping over the next few weeks this will make things a bit easier but i can't see it atm. Next year my little one starts school so more costs to cover.

Anyway, I'm overthinking again and thinking the worst. Need to take things one step at a time.

Baby S

CMF · ‎03-03-2017

I've decided not to tell the little ones dad that I'm looking at a school Tuesday. He's made no effort to contact us for over 2 months now so I'm just going to do what I need to do. I really don't want to see him, he is so toxic in my life. I'm not going to spoon feed him to get him included only to have him walk in like he's knows it all. I'm done with trying to keep him involved, he's clearly too busy for us. He needs to be involved of his own free will, not because I'm keeping him there.

Slipstream_SS · ‎04-03-2017

Baby Steps

Sometimes you just need to take charge and make the decisions your, sounds like he either doesnt care or cant be bothered. Sounds like you know what your doing, especially something important like your childs education. I usually find gut instincts are right, so follow what you think is right..

CK

MarkJT · ‎05-03-2017

BS, i think the advice given by CK above is brilliant. I can't say exactly because i have never been in your situation but CK has so i would follow that. I will always stand by the rule that you must look after yourself first. A different type of example but you always have to put on your own oxygen mask first before anyone else, same principles apply.

Mark.

CMF · ‎05-03-2017

Thanks CK & Mark,

Yes, I'm not going to say anything. He will try and blame me saying i excluded him but that is his style, not taking responsibility for anything. He knows she is at kinder and has not even asked how she is going. At the end of the day I will be the one taking and picking her up from school so i need to do what works for me and my other children. I really do not want to make contact with him, he is too toxic. Seriously, i have never encountered anyone like him before, I don't even know who he really is anymore.

BS